Abortion..

[Rhian92]

Hello. A few weeks ago i was getting strange pains and generally decided something was up, i took 3 tests and all came back positive but very faintly. I decided be ause of the pains to go to my walk in centre at a&e and was told i wasnt pregnant. However i still hadnt started my period so decided to go to my gp (thank god!) and i was. Myself and the babys father have been together over a year, im 21 and he is 23. Both living at home and he works at said hospital whereas i currently dont have a job (left previous work looking for new place). I told my parents straight away, my dad was sensible and said the time isnt right for me and i cant support a child whereas my mam is more maternal and saw the other side to it. I have friends who have kids all of whom are single mothers and i see they manage okay. Myself and the babies father have a very turbulent relationship and we dont have a current stanle environment for a child so we made the decision to abort. I had the first pill today and go back monday to complete the process. I guess im looking for some comfort. I feel very emotional. Its my baby and i wonder if its a girl or a boy, wonder what they wouldve looked like etc and it kakes me feel upset. I dont know what im going to go through and whether i may see the foetus on monday but i just feel so guilty already. I have a very good home environmemt and know the baby wouldve been loved so im struggling with my decision, although i know at this point its too late. Has anybody else been through this and can offer guidance?

[boxtops]

whatever they said - it's gone now.... Good luck rhian, big hugs (())

[Old_Geezer]

One can certainly feel sympathy with someone going through turmoil in their life, and who has made a decision they clearly do not feel totally comfortable with. Whatever the rights or wrongs of this you are now where you are, and I hope & trust you are able to come to terms with your life's experiences sooner rather than later.

I've not been through it as you ask, so I'm very limited on guidance, but I think that like many things in life than 'knock us for six', it is a case of taking things as they come and letting time bring acceptance. Good luck with your future.

[scorpiojo]

Support available here, Rhian:
http://www.careconfidential.com/Helpline.aspx

[chaptazbru2]

You haven't answered my question at 16:51 ..

[Rhian92]

Chaptazbru2 - my parents made it clear if i was to go through with the pregnancy i would be on my own in the upbringing i.e night feeds etc etc. i just mean i come from a good family and live in a house big enough for another member, it was a thought i had in my decision process but it isnt good enough to keep a child with no other support.

[chaptazbru2]

You said your Mum saw the other side, do you really, really think she wouldn't have helped you ??

[Butterbun]

You can only go forward now Rhian92. Good luck. You can get past this.

[Mosaic]

Rhian - it's a difficult time for you and you have very bravely made yourself the recipient of other people's (often extreme) opinions. I suggest you face forwards now. Perhaps one way to do this is to take time to re-evaluate how you have become entangled with someone who you clearly think is unsuitable as a long term partner or father. Be good to yourself and ditch the toxic relationship. I wholeheartedly respect the clear thinking you brought to the practical future of a child, and hope you can now apply the same clear thinking to your own emotional needs. The best luck ever.
Try not to become upset by the Mighty Moral Wardens of Women's Ovaries who have posted in order to make you feel worse than you clearly already do. You will feel all over the place emotionally for a bit, but you will get better with time and your lovely family around you. Listen to the good people you know.

[Cloverjo]

You have made the right decision for your circumstances. You are suffering now, but it will be ok. I have friends who have had abortions at a similar age and circumstance to you, and as far as I know they have no regrets.
Good luck.

[Rhian92]

Boxtops, old_geezer thankyou for your comments, it is hard to advise or offer experience if you have been lucky enough to not go through it - scorpiojo i will have a look at that link thankyou. Phleb - my friends manage play because they are both on anti depressants since givinwg birth - they both recieve benefits and have awful relationships with their babies fathers and although they do not regret their children now they are here, they would have chosen a different path had they had the hindsight to do so, which isn't nice to hear, but its the truth for them. What it looks like now is hard to say as ive been told its 1cm in size. I do wonder what it may have looked like had i gone full term but ive been told these kinds of thoughts are natural for women who decide abortion is best for them

[chaptazbru2]

WOW the Mighty Moral Wardens of Women's Ovaries - so only the ones who agree with the OP are entitled to an opinion then ???

[Mosaic]

hey there Chaptaz. No, everyone's entitled to an opinion, but a sensitive real-life issue isn't quite the same as theoretical fallings-out about this n that, and I feel that pitching in to give this person a bit of a moral kicking at this time, and in these circ's , is bullying. Especially given the cloak of anonymity behind which the kickers may hide.

[Rhian92]

Chaptazbru2 - my mam may have helped me but she works full time and suffers terrible night terrors thus any sleep she can get she takes. I wouldve felt a burden to her and more than likely wouldve moved out. My dad is also entirely against me keeping the child - he doesnt see me coping well as a single parent and believes when my time is right and im in a loving relationship he'll be the proudest grandparent.
Butterbun and cloverjo thankyou for your comments...Mosaic, i do believe this is a point in my life where i need to re evaluate everything youre absolutely correct. I never wanted to be in this position and believe this will change my life and entire outlook on the direction im headed in life

[jennyjoan]

Well at least you would have learned something - get rid of boyfriend though.

[campbellking]

You took what was the right decision for you at that time. It's not a decision I think I could make myself, but I've never been in that situation. I have friends who are foster parents, and there are some enormously mixed-up children out there brought up in fairly hopeless environments.

[naomi24]

Don't be sad, Rhian. Put the past behind you and look forward now. x

[Mamyalynne]

We choose the decisions that shape our lives,we can also choose to let them haunt us or we can grow stronger because of them - I hope the second applies to you Rhian.

[chaptazbru2]

I don't agree Mosaic, a lot of people are against abortion and are entitled to say so. If a thread like this starts, it is bound to incite a lot of emotion ! I myself, have mixed emotions on the matter.

OK Rhian.

[Prudie]

I don't agree chapta, we are repeatedly told that in the topics we are here to answer questions if we can not post moral opinions. Had the thread been 'what are your views on abortion' then all's fair but Rhian has specifically asked "Has anybody else been through this and can offer guidance?"