Abortion..

[Rhian92]

Hello. A few weeks ago i was getting strange pains and generally decided something was up, i took 3 tests and all came back positive but very faintly. I decided be ause of the pains to go to my walk in centre at a&e and was told i wasnt pregnant. However i still hadnt started my period so decided to go to my gp (thank god!) and i was. Myself and the babys father have been together over a year, im 21 and he is 23. Both living at home and he works at said hospital whereas i currently dont have a job (left previous work looking for new place). I told my parents straight away, my dad was sensible and said the time isnt right for me and i cant support a child whereas my mam is more maternal and saw the other side to it. I have friends who have kids all of whom are single mothers and i see they manage okay. Myself and the babies father have a very turbulent relationship and we dont have a current stanle environment for a child so we made the decision to abort. I had the first pill today and go back monday to complete the process. I guess im looking for some comfort. I feel very emotional. Its my baby and i wonder if its a girl or a boy, wonder what they wouldve looked like etc and it kakes me feel upset. I dont know what im going to go through and whether i may see the foetus on monday but i just feel so guilty already. I have a very good home environmemt and know the baby wouldve been loved so im struggling with my decision, although i know at this point its too late. Has anybody else been through this and can offer guidance?

[Rhian92]

I was using contraception, i'd been very ill around the time of conception and obviously that made me less susceptible to the pill. If you cannot sympathise and havent been through these kind of emotions yourself, i dont need your comment on my post as negativity is not what i am seeking. I am aware of my choice and in the long run with everytihng i want to achieve in life, i know i have done whats best. I just seek the opinon of women who have had an abortion, and whether being upset about the child is the correct thing to be feeling.

[albaqwerty]

A very dear friend of mine found out she was pregnant at 21, she wasn't in a great relationship. Aborted the fetus. I didn't like her very much for doing that although she and he were using contraception.
Many years later, different partner, married and 4 lovely children.

At your age, you just do what's right for you. Although you will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life.

[puzzled54]

It sounds like your head wants to abort but your heart says not. Like you say, it is too late and you have to go through with it now. You are bound to be upset, I can't offer any guidance, but you have the support of your family to help you through this. I can't think of any words to make you feel better, but will be thinking of you on Monday.

[albaqwerty]

oh, blooming heck, of course you're going to be feeling upset about the child.
It's not a child though - it would have become one.

How many weeks pregnant were you? I know I'll be shouted at when I say it's just a collection of cells, that's how I comforted myself when I had 2 miscarriages.

[boxtops]

It must be horrible for you, having to wait until Monday to finish the process. It has to be done now though - too late to go back. From what you say, it sounds as if you have made a balanced decision, if your relationship is turbulent. You may indeed regret it but you have to do what is right for you at the time; if you had continued with the pregnancy, you might have found yourself regretting that too, if your circumstances changed. I wish you well.

[wolf63]

Abortion is a subject that most people have very strong feelings about.

You have made your decision and it is a decision that you may play over in your mind for a long time to come.

Personally I could never justify to myself having an abortion, but I would fully support a friend who many find themselves in that position.

I hope that all goes well.

[jennyjoan]

To do or not to do - getting an abortion is a very very personal choice and no-one else will have the emotions you will have either way.

[Prudie]

Rhian I'd suggest you take up the offer of an abortion counselling service that must be available through your GP, personally I wouldn't ask for help on an anonymous website like this where you are going to attract unpleasant comments about your choices and a lot of people who might want to offer you advice because they understand but are not prepared to admit they have gone through it themselves. My personal view is that the choice you have made (and it's your choice alone) is far better than bringing yet another child into an unstable family unit.

[Rhian92]

Thankyou very much for your replies albaqwerty, puzzled54 and boxtops. Im 6 weeks pregnant, i elected to see the baby when i went for a scan but as im so early into pregnanyc you could only see the sac and a slight flickering. Im a maternal person and believe id have loved the child alot but as it stands i have a toxic relationship with the father and believe had i went through with it, id be a single mother and he wouldnt be as involved as the child deserves. Ive always believed a baby should be wanted by both parents in their own home with enough to provide for a child. I just have overwhelming guilt that the baby didnt ask to be conceived yet i have chosen to end its life before it begins. I guess this is normal. I guess babies who die naturally dont make the choice to die either. Ive read alot of comments on AB about abortion and the majority are anti abortion which made me want to reach out to women who have gone through the process and felt the same as me.

[chaptazbru2]

"I have a very good home environment and know the baby would've been loved" So why didn't you think it through a little longer ?

[naomi24]

I just hate it when people bang on loftily about 'Did you use contraception?' It's irrelevant. If only we were all perfect the world would be a better place.

Rhian, you say you know you've done what's best, so accept that. It's only natural that you're going to think about it, and wonder, but these things happen, you've made your decision and it's done. Live your life to the best of your ability. I wish you the well. x

[lady-janine]

always confused - comments like that are not going to help someone who is already suffering pangs of regret. it is too late to stop the process now so please keep opinions like that to yourself and refrain from posting.

[Rhian92]

Alwaysconfused - im not welcome to negative comments because for me, it is people behind their computer screen making an already emotional person worse with their negativity. I do not regret my decision it is best for me and the child - its the aftermath that i wanted advice on. Prudie - i will most certainly take the option of a councellor - i need an outsider to go through my emotions hence why i opted to post on this forum. I totally agree with you that its not fair to bring a child into a bad environment. With myself also not having a job id hate to think by the end of the pregnancy id have to claim benefits and what not. Not how id like to support my child

[jennyjoan]

Always Confused - the very last word of your posting at 16.50 was over the top in what is a very sensitive topic.

[Rhian92]

Alwaysconfused... I used the NHS. Like millions of people every day. I pay my taxes and NI when in work and dont claim anything from the government so i am well within my rights to use their service. In terms of contraception, i take it you are doubling up every time you have intercourse? I hazhard a guess you are a man, and if you are, i wonder how you would cope in a situation such as this one. I doubt you'd be as insensitive to the mother to be.

[jennyjoan]

There ya go - always - it was removed - couldn't believe it stayed on so long.