My Husband Cheated Before We Got Married?

[Minelle7]

I found out recently my husband cheated on me 5 years ago. we have been married for 3 years. I found out by snooping in his emails he never deleted. He had sex with her 3 times. I know this was a long time ago but im just finding out. Im so confused and hurt. I dont know how to feel about this. should I ask him about it or just let it go?

[carrust]

No cleavage this week :-(((((

[carrust]

Massive oooops. Should be on the Victoria Coren thread

[Mamyalynne]

I would let it go - however I will answer you with a question.

Why were you snooping? Are things not good between you?

[Retrochic]

Why were you looking at his emails from five years ago? Has he given you cause to mistrust him recently? The fact he married you and not her could indicate it was a 'fling' before he settled down -was she a previous girl-friend/partner? It would be difficult to start that conversation 'oh by the way I was checking out your old emails and...' Check out this woman's Facebook page and see if your OH is one of her friends?

[askyourgran]

Minelle this was before he married you. It must be hurtful to learn about it that way but this was probably before he realised that you were the one he wanted. Let it be, it is in the past. Many men sow their wild oats before settling down.

[FrogNog]

5 years is an awfully long time ago.
If he's been faithful since, you should let it go.
If you're reading his stuff, it suggests you think he's doing it again, however the way you are going about it is wrong imo.
People are entitled to a private life, even if they are married and you shouldn't be going through his personal stuff.
The trouble is, we could say let it go and you might agree, but I don't think you will.
Have it out with him if you want, or forget it, but genuinely forget it.
Harbouring stuff like this when you don't want to could easily kill your marriage and he would never know why. I don't think you want that.

[EDDIE51]

Sex with someone else on just 3 occasions and that was 2 years before you got married? Let it go. Letting him know you have been snooping back 5 years is not going to go down well.

[DTCwordfan]

I've still got my e-mails from 5 years ago buried away, some of them. I would be horrified if I found that you had been snooping into my records...and very much if it was before I was married. It would really begin into question trusting you.

[Prudie]

I never really understand why people find snooping in emails and phones so awful- if there was nothing to hide it might be an issue but in this case, as so often, there is something to hide - which is just making a mug out of the snooper. Minelle I can understand why you're hurt, it all depends on whether you can forget about it without saying something - otherwise it might eat away at you.

[ChillDoubt]

We've all got a past - let it go. Maybe he considered things casual then and didn't think your relationship would end up in marriage at the time. Now it has, he's obviously made a decision to put you before all others by going down the aisle.

If he's cheated since marriage, that's a different matter entirely.

[Prudie]

Now you are being unjustifiably rude quite apart from misinterpreting my comments which I stick by. I'll leave the thread.

[joeluke]

A man who has cheated on his wife/partner and got away with it will do it again

I did

[jno]

I must say, I'd be wondering why he kept emails from old lovers. However, presumably you didn't find anything more recent that was equally incriminating? Have you any reason to suppose he's still up to anything? If not, I'd let it lie.

[woofgang]

There is no "should" You need to decide what you WANT to do. Can you let it go?What suddenly made you search through his emails?

[Mamyalynne]

If at any time during my marriage I had doubted my husband's actions, I would have broached it with him not gone looking for evidence.

[DTCwordfan]

Yes, there seems to be more here than meets the eye - suspicions or fact, Minelle?