ChatterBank0 min ago
Feeling Bitter.
48 Answers
I've got to the age of 41, married with 3 children yet I'm still carrying anger, bitterness and sadness from my childhood. It's affecting me still after all of this time. I was 7 and he was 16 ( my dads brother ) I was made to touch him on many occasions. Afterwards I'd be in the back seat going home with my parents and I so wanted to tell them, the words never came out until I was 15 and couldn't stand it any longer so I took a huge overdose. My parents were called to the hospital and that was the night it all tumbled out. Nothing was done by my parents and it was never spoken about again, until recently. I was so mad that I asked dad why nothing was done. He said it would have killed my nan if it had come out. To be honest I'm more angry with mum and dad for doing nothing than I am with him. They see him daily and laugh with him. It makes me so angry....:
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I'm not sure that talking with a trusted friend is the best way to go. However well meaning they were they mightn't have the knowledge to help you.
There's a charity here in NI, NexusNI, which helps people who've been abused as children. There may be something similar in your area and if there is the GP could give you details of it.
There's a charity here in NI, NexusNI, which helps people who've been abused as children. There may be something similar in your area and if there is the GP could give you details of it.
What I did....
My parents were friendly with a couple til I was about seven when my dad forbade us to have any more to do with them.
My mother went behind his back....we saw them when dad was working and were threatened never to tell....
The man began to abuse me soon after the ban on seeing them......I couldn't tell my dad because I was scared of him knowing we still saw them .....so....when I could take no more of what he was making me do to him I told my mum....
She dragged me by the arm, threw me into the outside lavatory and said if I talked dirty like that again and my dad found out I would have to go to live with the nuns.
This continued til I was old enough to avoid him myself.
I told nobody else for years til, at a party, a relative was going on about how wonderful my mother was and he couldn't see why we weren't close .....so...
I took him aside and told him everything and from then on I told anyone who would listen......family and friends....and I did it with my head held high.
I had got past caring how my mother's behaviour would look to the rest of the family......
It was the best thing I could have done.....I suddenly wasn't ashamed anymore and it took away all the sadness I held inside me.
I know it's hard because you won't be wanting to be the cause of splits in your family.....and that will be how you may feel....
But you are not the cause.....you were harmed and you need to do whatever is best for you now.....and for your husband....xx
My parents were friendly with a couple til I was about seven when my dad forbade us to have any more to do with them.
My mother went behind his back....we saw them when dad was working and were threatened never to tell....
The man began to abuse me soon after the ban on seeing them......I couldn't tell my dad because I was scared of him knowing we still saw them .....so....when I could take no more of what he was making me do to him I told my mum....
She dragged me by the arm, threw me into the outside lavatory and said if I talked dirty like that again and my dad found out I would have to go to live with the nuns.
This continued til I was old enough to avoid him myself.
I told nobody else for years til, at a party, a relative was going on about how wonderful my mother was and he couldn't see why we weren't close .....so...
I took him aside and told him everything and from then on I told anyone who would listen......family and friends....and I did it with my head held high.
I had got past caring how my mother's behaviour would look to the rest of the family......
It was the best thing I could have done.....I suddenly wasn't ashamed anymore and it took away all the sadness I held inside me.
I know it's hard because you won't be wanting to be the cause of splits in your family.....and that will be how you may feel....
But you are not the cause.....you were harmed and you need to do whatever is best for you now.....and for your husband....xx
It happened to me. Very complicated, my mum was, it turned out, having an affair. He offered me a Saturday job, after a while he began touching me and I quit the job. I was 16 but a real studious innocent and it was the only thing I could think of to do. Mum naturally asked me why and I couldn't answer, she went to see him, he must have thought I'd said something and accused me of 'leading him on'. When she came back there was the most horrible storm from her towards me, she didn't believe my version, I found out about the affair - and she carried on seeing him! I've never told anyone, but somehow when he died my anger died too - I was the only one who knew why mum was so upset and she turned to me to help her. The anger slowly drained away.
When she died I realised how very much I loved my mum. I'm glad I didn't carry bitterness, but proper talking therapy would have helped me to lose it earlier I'm sure and helped me to understand the situation. Do seek professional help and all my best wishes are with you. :) x
When she died I realised how very much I loved my mum. I'm glad I didn't carry bitterness, but proper talking therapy would have helped me to lose it earlier I'm sure and helped me to understand the situation. Do seek professional help and all my best wishes are with you. :) x
Blueskies, you have my condolences. I say condolences because that vile man killed part of your innocence in growing up.
I am guessing your Nan may be passed on now. if so why not confront this abuser. You may find he did it to other female members of the family.
Cannot for the life of me understand why your parents still talk to this creature. Shame on them for not supporting you. xx
I am guessing your Nan may be passed on now. if so why not confront this abuser. You may find he did it to other female members of the family.
Cannot for the life of me understand why your parents still talk to this creature. Shame on them for not supporting you. xx
Hmmmm you say, "They are of an era of people that swept things under the carpet".
I don't think they are old enough to be from that era. My grandmother's era may have thought like that, but Blueskies is 41 and I bet I'm older than her parents and I'd have gone crazy had anyone done that to my daughter. There is no excuse for what they've done. I agree with others, divorce them, for me, their behaviour is unforgivable.
Well done for speaking out Blue XX
I don't think they are old enough to be from that era. My grandmother's era may have thought like that, but Blueskies is 41 and I bet I'm older than her parents and I'd have gone crazy had anyone done that to my daughter. There is no excuse for what they've done. I agree with others, divorce them, for me, their behaviour is unforgivable.
Well done for speaking out Blue XX
Yes, having daughters did make me more aware. Would never leave them alone with strangers. My eldest wouldn't be able to speak out either bless her. If love to approach him, yes, nan has passed on. The thing is, and this is going to sound really mad, but, his wife is just so, so lovely. I get on with her well. What if my parents were right and he was just a kid?? I'm so confused. Thing is I think of everyone else's feelings before my own. It's my nature. Also, mum is stage 4 with metastadised Breast cancer and I'm the one taking her to all her appointments etc etc.
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