Bit Worried About My Duaghter

[Samuraisan]

My daughter is married and has two children, 3 and 7. The 3 year old has become a bit rebellious and hits my daughter when chastised. She and her husband have quite a " vocal" relationship and argue and snap at eachother quite often. I have told them time and time again not to in front of the children but they do. What more can I do ? Do you think the 3 year old's rebelliousness is due to their behavior? My kids never behaved like that, not that I remember anway. But I am concerned n

[Eleena]

Hi Sam,
yes could well be copied behavior. At 3, they're beginning to understand through body language and basic words from those around them, what they need to do and say to show their anger or defiance, they can't communicate effectively yet to say how they feel, so hitting out, or saying no is all they know. Yes have a word, but also, if you can take them both out of that environment now and then when you have the time, they will see and hear and benefit from a more tranquil surrounding where you can teach the younger one in your own way what's acceptable.

[Islay]

David small, interesting that you single me out when several other people have suggest smacking does not work.
But again I question how you can suggesting smacking a child is alright as you are only showing that violence begets violence!
I also repeat how can you say you love something then smack it?

[whiskeryron]

All I can say is that since the PC Brigade took control life has not been the same.

[ummmm]

I wasn't smacked. There are other ways to punish a child.

[Bazile]

See if Supernanny is free

[Mamyalynne]

The reason I didn't mention dealing with the child in my first response is that the grown up children have to be sorted first.

Yes the child should be told calmly, but sternly that hitting is not on and removed (firmly but gently) from the situation. Even at 3 loss of privileges like a favourite TV show can be brought in too.

Once things are calmer then hopefully you'll see some improvement in everyone.

[Samuraisan]

Thanks for all your advice. He doesn't smack me, or on the rare occasion he does I tell him that I don't it, it makes me sad and let's not go down that rocky road. He seems to understand and is usually contrite, kissing me better and so on. We look after them a lot as they live just around the corner, in fact we have them this week end as mum and dad are off to a concert. Mostly I am concerned with daughter and SIL behaviour and am not sure how far to interfere. The two children also spend quite a lot of time with my two sons who they adore. Anyway, let see.

[bednobs]

i think the 3 year olds problem is that she is 3 .... it's normal behaviour. they dont have the emotional maturity or vocabulary to respond how she wants, so she hits out. it's totally normal imo

[bednobs]

sorry, he.

[Samuraisan]

I hope so bednobs . I just cannot remember any of my three doing that. It's a little boy actually, ( if that makes any difference !)

[Schlomo78]

I think sometimes you get a kid thrown into the mix, who is perhaps more sensitive. I grew up with parents, that although loved each other, constantly bickered, argued and it has no doubt factored in my relationships as I believed subconsciously for it to be normal. It's a pattern that I have found too easily repeated, hence the sabbatical of a relationship until I can figure myself out. My son became (alongside stubbornness) that those few years were all encompassing, I grew up like that, so almost craved it, then he nearly grew up like that. You think it doesn't affect them, but ultimately they are sponges, copying behaviour.

[Schlomo78]

I think sometimes you get a kid thrown into the mix, who is perhaps more sensitive. I grew up with parents, that although loved each other, constantly bickered, argued and it has no doubt factored in my relationships as I believed subconsciously for it to be normal. It's a pattern that I have found too easily repeated, hence the sabbatical of a relationship until I can figure myself out. My son became (alongside stubbornness) that those few years were all encompassing, I grew up like that, so almost craved it, then he nearly grew up like that. You think it doesn't affect them, but ultimately they are sponges, copying behaviour.

[shivvy]

The child is 3 years old. Children at that age shouldn't be expected to know how to behave. He needs to learn every aspect of how he should behave in the world, and it is the grown-ups responsibility to teach him - appropriately. The fact that anyone would suggest that slapping him is an acceptable method of teaching him is absolutely abhorrent to me. He is a baby.