Bit Worried About My Duaghter

[Samuraisan]

My daughter is married and has two children, 3 and 7. The 3 year old has become a bit rebellious and hits my daughter when chastised. She and her husband have quite a " vocal" relationship and argue and snap at eachother quite often. I have told them time and time again not to in front of the children but they do. What more can I do ? Do you think the 3 year old's rebelliousness is due to their behavior? My kids never behaved like that, not that I remember anway. But I am concerned n

[Samuraisan]

Daughter

[Mamyalynne]

You're right of course but it's hard to get involved really.

Even a small child from a placid home can lash out sometimes but harder still when they hear raised voices and can sense tension in the air - they then see that as normal.

If they don't calm their ways the child will continue.

[Samuraisan]

Thanks Mamy. I think I will have another serious talk to both of them. I do think they love each other, but they are both so stubborn and both want the last word.

[mikey4444]

It would seem obvious to me that the child is picking up on the level of bad behaviour from its parents, and is only echoing what she hears. Lacking the vocabulary of an adult, she is responding in the only way that she knows how to.

The answer lies in getting the parents to accept that their behaviour is the cause.....more talking is needed.

[Old_Geezer]

You could try a, "See what you're doing ?", and a,"Told you so", if you like. Once kids start misbehaving as the norm it'll be more difficult to correct. I may not have brought up kids but my opinion is that young ones need the parents to be united as the place of all knowledge and what's right. It's a stable anchor for their life, something to depend on. If there's disagreement there's no anchor so they mistake their own wants as being what's right.

[Trawlerman]

Children see the strangest things as the norm, vocal parents can cause disruptive behaviour in children.
My advise for what it's worth is to talk to the parents. If it continues into the school years then there will be problems ahead. That then creates even more problems in the child's formative years.

[david small]

She's trying it on. Warn her if she does it again she will be smacked back. Then if she does, smack her bottom, obviously not too hard. She must learn that a violent action elicits a similar response.

[woofgang]

I don’t think smacking helps anything.....all it does is teaches the child that violence is ok.

[Sqad]

It is extremely unlikely that your daughter and you son in Law are going to change their lifestyles and or attitude towards each other after a decade of marriage.
It will either continue....bit "living with it" or it will end in divorce.
Nothing that you can or indeed should get involved in.
The 3 year old? I agree with the post of david small above......smack the little blighter and if it doesn't work, slap her harder.

[pastafreak]

^^^...no it doesn't!

[mikey4444]

Meet violence with violence then Sqad ?

[pastafreak]

That was for David...and now sqad also

[Sqad]

I have seen no evidence.....no evidence that we are a less violent society since the abolition of smacking......NO evidence in fact in my opinion, we are a MORE violent society.
The 3 year old must learn that if she smacks her grandmother, then she will get one in return....but harder and then the little cherub will have to decide if it was worth it.

[Old_Geezer]

All a smack does is to teach that one doesn't misbehave against authority. This teaches violence claim is clearly nonsense as anyone who was once a child can recall for themselves. All discipline/punishment is ultimately "violence" and government authorities have no issue with dealing it out. Maybe all prison does is teach it's ok to lock people up against their will ?

[Islay]

Whilst I don't agree with Sqad and giving the 3 year old a smack I do agree there needs to be a punishment!
Either the naughty step or off to her room - he needs to learn that it is unaceptable to hit her mother - don't think it has anything to do with the parents shouting at each other!

[ummmm]

Some people are just shouty people.

Smacking doesn't work.

[david small]

Having raised four perfectly stable and responsible loving children. I can assure you that the occasional smack does not cause emotional disturbance. The learn not to cross the line, and have the security of established boundaries. Love em, but guide em.

[Islay]

Do you think giving a child a smack is loving them?
Interesting!

[david small]

In my opinion governmental intervention into parental chastising of their children was a step too far. Liberal ideology is fine in principle, the reality unfortunately does not always turn out as expected. Obviously I am referring to common sense in the punishment reference, though common sense seems to be a rarity.

[david small]

Islay, you know what I'm referring to, don't go off on one of your misinterpretation stints.