Tracing A Grave Owner

[Dusty Bin]

Without going into too much detail, my brother died in 2002 and was buried in the northeast of England. He was married and so his widow is his grave owner and has legal rights to his plot in the cemetery. At the time, our family gave her a substantial sum of money from which she assured us she would buy a headstone for his grave.

Some months later this had not happened, but when we challenged her she told us she had moved on from my brother, she had now found someone new and asked us not to contact her again.

She has since changed her mobile number and we do not know where she lives as she moved out of the rented house she shared with my brother a few weeks after he died. There is a chance she may no longer be alive, but an even greater possibility is that she has remarried. We certainly have not been able to trace her using her married name, i.e. the surname she took when she married my brother.

I would like to approach her again to gain her permission to erect a headstone on my brother's grave, which I know she will never do now.

How can I find her or even discover if she is still alive?

[rockyracoon]

https://www.findukpeople.com/

This is not the agency that I used, but it seems pretty similar in the way it works. I paid £50 upfront with a promise to pay £100 if the trace was successful. It might be worth talking to the people at the about site and see what they think.

[rockyracoon]

Doh! Above, not about.

[Dusty Bin]

Thank you. Will do.

Further recommendations welcome.

[scooping]

Sounds like an interesting story for a local newspaper, couched in suitably objective language. Family trying to find etc...

[Dusty Bin]

Thanks, scooping.

We thought of this, but as we don't know where she lives now, which local newspaper should we place an advertisement in?

[kvalidir]

If a tracing service can find them you can find them yourself and the process is usually pretty simple tbh. Unless she was physically trying to disappear and knows how to, it's remarkably easy to find most people. I'll happily run you through the steps privately. If you'd like to let me know and I'll make a throwaway email :)

[Dusty Bin]

Yes, please, kvalidir.

[kvalidir]

[email protected] :) Drop me a line and I'll go through how to do it ( maybe :) )

[Dusty Bin]

email sent, kvalidir.

[kvalidir]

Replying now Dusty, will take a little while as i'm trying to cover all bases for you. x

[kvalidir]

Hi Dusty sorry, I can't get back into that account for some reason, they've suspended it but it's brand new ?!? so if you've replied there I can't see it, but feel free to reply here if you need more help and I'll make another one :) Sorry about that :(

[Dusty Bin]

Yes, please

[Dusty Bin]

Got your email and have replied.

Thanks, kvalidir

[Dusty Bin]

Good news.

We've found her!

A search on ancestry.com by someone who is a subscriber to that site has enabled us to find her on Facebook.

We now know she has indeed remarried, as we suspected. We know her new married name and that her previous surname was not her maiden name, but in fact from a previous marriage 20 years earlier.

She's still living in the same area and an approach is to be made in the next few days.

Thanks to all who offered help.

[Mamyalynne]

Hope you get the headstone sorted, well done for persevering.

[EDDIE51]

Good news.But I was thinking that if as you said, the cemetery owner/administrator knew only the name of the grave owner and no other details how could the actual owner prove who they were?