How Can I Punish My Sons For This?

[Vasilis]

I am a single dad with two sons, (ages 13 and 15). They are excellent kids and have never been in trouble again. Yesterday though I got a call from their coach that they hadn't attend their practice. I was worried so I started calling them, but they wouldn't pick it up. After 1 and half hour they came home. I asked them where they were been and they lied to me. They told me that they were at their football practice, so I told them that their coach had already called me. They told me that they skipped practice to hang out with some friends. I am really upset, not about the fact that they skipped practice , I would let them do it once, but for the fact they lied to me. They have never been in trouble before so I have no idea of punishing. What is a suitable punishment for theese two? And how long should I keep the punishment?

Thank everyone for their time and sorry if my grammar is bad, I am Greek

[Buenchico]

Forget about 'punishment' and concentrate on 'explanation'.

Tell them how worried you were when you didn't know where they'd got to.

[ummmm]

Ground them, make them do chores. This isn't major, imo, so I'd probably keep them in for a few days. If they do it again extend it.

[Hopkirk]

Time to re-evaluate your relationship with them. Forget punishment, but try to have a good talk with them.

You need to make them feel able to tell you when they want to do different things than you plan.

Simply punishing them could drive a bigger divide between you.

You said yourself they are not bad lads (or words to that effect).

[murraymints]

as above..you need to stress the not knowing where they were and dangers etc .. do they really want to go to football..I presume...in the first place ? a good talk is needed

[sinderella]

Ask them why they do not want to go to football practice?
Tell them that they should not be forced to do something they hate
BUT they must not lie to you

[Khandro]

I used to rally hate football, along with all team sports. " Lied to me " sounds a bit dramatic, and more about you than them. You said yourself "They are excellent kids " and I'm sure they are and they've probably learnt a lesson, they are just lads, give 'em a break.

[KARL]

Trust is hugely important in any relationship. Trust is a very fragile thing and difficult to repair when damaged. Explain to your sons how the fear of not knowing where they were felt to you and what effect this has on their image in your mind (possible mistrust). It is quite possible that they failed to anticipate the consequences of what they saw as an innocent deviation but you need to make sure they now realise how thoughtless and unwise it was. Explain that you must be able to trust them - and they must be able to trust you, it needs to be a reciprocal thing for a good/healthy relationship.

[andy-hughes]

Since this is a first issue, and not a major one, I would go for more of an angle that they have upset and disappointed you, rather than made you angry.

Explain that if they are not where you think they are, they could be in trouble, and you can't find them.

If they are good kids, and they do seem to be, I think this will be better in the long run than a punishment.

[anneasquith]

I would impress on them that lying is not acceptable ever,. Punishment, chores and a discussion about the lying . Good luck .

[jennyjoan]

tobh = I never knew boys of 13 and 15 can be "punished". Grounded - they can entertain themselves with the latest computer regalia.

wait until they're drinking - then you can "try" and punish them.

[tamborine]

explain (nag) your worry & need to know where they are to assess any dangers and save a police search.

[ummmm]

Of course they can, JJ.

[KARL]

Sorry, I left out the punishment bit. Assuming that they are bright and that you have a close relationship with them then point out that the older bears greater responsibility for the dishonesty than the younger, he should have known better because he is almost an adult. Ask them to put themselves in the position of the parent when two boys go missing for an hour and a half. Ask both to bring you their suggestion what might be a fitting punishment - give them 24 hours to do so. Personally I am not sure that a punishment as such is appropriate but if you are paying for football time or anything else then you might consider stopping that - what about refusing to pay for something they would really miss, such as a smartphone (swap for a simple calls only one) ?