Teenagers

[horselady]

My grandson is almost 15 and over the last month or so has become very withdrawn. Never starts a conversation and grunts when spoken to. Now I know this could be said of a lot of teenage boys but it's beginning to worry us a bit, he swears nothing is wrong, we've been through the bullying, puberty talks etc. but can get nothing out of him. He stays in his room and the other day for the first time he refused to go out when his mates called round. His dad left years ago but his granddad and uncle are brilliant male role models. His brother says "he's probably fed up with us all going on at him" My daughter is worrying herself silly when she thinks of the teenage suicide stories she's read. I think time for a counsellor but would that be an over reaction do you think?

[Old_Geezer]

Probably an overreaction, I'd have been megapissed had someone ever arranged for me to see a counsellor without my request, but makes sense to monitor the situation.

[ummmm]

I barely seen my teenage son for about a year. He just stayed in his room reading. He only came out to eat! I think it's perfectly normal.

My older son was much more sociable with a wider circle of friends and a love of football.

[pixie374]

It does sound normal, but I can understand the worry too. I think you need to keep an eye on him, preferably without him really noticing and let him know you are there if necessary. Have any of his friends noticed anything? It might be worth asking another parent if you know them well enough to.

[Eleena]

Is he brooding about a girl possibly? Thinking more deeply about dad? Who would he most likely open to?

[Eleena]

I agree with og and pixie, keep an eye on him but don't over fuss him.

[Prudie]

I'd agree it's normal except the refusing to go out with friends would worry me. As above would a friend or school or friend's parent be able to shed any light before you went down an official route.

[horselady]

The only thing he says worries him is exams and his future. We're not a pushy family and he knows we would be proud of him whether he went to uni or not but he's determined to get there.

[woofgang]

I'd be chatting....in a casual way.....to any parents of his friends that you feel that you can trust.

[pixie374]

He may be putting pressure on himself. I remember my son at 13 seriously worried for a while about needing to get a job and support his girlfriend (no idea why he thought he had to). He also likes his own company, but is autistic.
I would see if you can get any clues from others who know him in different ways from you, but it also doesn't sound unusual. The trouble is, everything sounds normal when it comes to teenagers.

[horselady]

You could have something there Pixie, I remember one time he felt he had to be the man of the house and look after his mum and little brother because his dad had left and we had to assure him that wasn't his job. That was a few years ago but I wonder if he's feeling a bit like that as he's getting older now. I thought when I'd brought my kids up my job was done but the worry starts all over again when the next generation arrive!!

[sherrardk]

I think it’s normal - I’ve had one go through it and another one going through it now. Sometimes I think I’ll never see him smile again or hold a proper conversation with him and then he snaps back to himself. The school will be keeping on and on grades and doing well plus his hormones are going bonkers. My son knows I’m here if he wants anything but I’m not in his face and I don’t go bonkers if he’s moody (he usually apologises for his moodiness as soon as he’s back into being at home mode).

[ummmm]

I never knew the parents of my teenage kids friends. I did used to message one of his friends if I had any concerns. She'd reassure me.

[rockyracoon]

I lost my son to his bedroom and computer when he was 14 years old. Like your boy, he grunted when asked a question, and would barely come out if his room to be in our company. I think GCSEs played a big part of it, as once they were over, he started being a bit more sociable, then he reverted back when he was going through his A levels. He’s now at uni, and whilst he’s not super sociable, I do feel like I’ve got him back.

[pixie374]

I think teenage boys grunt, because they are never too sure how their voice will come out next...
He is at an age where he might well be a little more open with friends than with family. All normal... but you may need a little subtle research.

[anneasquith]

Yes as said above it’s normal behaviour, but could he be accessing unsuitable content on the internet. Might he be dabbling in * soft drugs*, really quite common in a young male of his age. But he may well come out of his room tomorrow a fabulous happy young man.

[ummmm]

Well my son didn't have the internet in his room so he just read books.

[calmck]

Has anyone checked his phone or computer? Could his friends be into drugs and he not want to? Girl troubles?
How is his school work, maybe a meeting with his form teacher. Could be teenage angst. Has he tried to contact his Dad and been rejected? Does he show any signs of an eating disorder, more common in boys than one might think. Could he be worried about his sexuality?
Be there for him but let him make the first move for talking. Think a word with the school should be first approach before psychologist etc

[horselady]

His mum has checked both phone and pc without his knowledge, nothing on either. Teachers at parents evening describe a "polite, articulate young man who is a delight to teach" he has the chance to contact his dad but doesn't want to, I think that's something he will find he might understand when he's older, as far as he's concerned dad met new woman and walked out on them and he just can't forgive him yet.