Is My Wife Having An Affair?

[Ploppy1999]

My wife decided to play match maker with her work mate (male) and our school friend, i thought it was a nice idea and didn't think anything more of it. I found out since that they have been texting each other every day, she set the date up and it went well but they too have developed a friendship. When i found out that they were sending messages to each other every day 6/7am right through until 11/12pm i got a little upset. I don't know this work mate nor have never met him. My wife assures me she loves me and isn't having an affair but she refuses to place any boundies. I don't like it and asked he behaves like a normal friend and keep to solically acceptable times, i don't want to tell her who she can and can't be friends with but it just feels wierd that a man i don't know is messaging my wife every day. I asked he stop whilst we were on holiday and she didn't stop him, so when a message came in at 11.30pm i got cross and replied on her phone demanding he stop. my wife got mad with me for ruining her solical life. the messages calmed down for a few weeks but its started again, now my wife has turned her phone onto silent or she will hide it thinking i won't notice. I've read a few messages when she's gone to bed and it is just friendly chat.. he tries to flirt but i can see she ignores it. My wife goes to the gym with her mother every friday whilst i stay home with the children the last message is on about him joining the same gym. I don't want to fall out with my wife, i feel my paranoia could be making things worse but i just want it to stop. should i be this worried?

[spathiphyllum]

People say my wife because a wife or husband must belong to another. You can't be a wife without being someones.

[Rockrose]

I didn’t TAKE my husband anything!!
I am not his property where in the wedding vows does it say I am his property!

[spathiphyllum]

OK lets talk about your husband.. Who's husband is he?

[jackthehat]

spath - You have a peculiar notion of what it means to be married.
You both enter into a contract 'freely' to be 'joined in marriage', you don't agree to surrender all autonomy nor conduct yourself solely to the wishes/whims of your spouse.

[spathiphyllum]

Using the term property dehumanises the woman. It's belonging, not ownership, but belonging to something, someone.

[Rockrose]

He’s my husband but that doesn’t make him my property at all.

[spathiphyllum]

"spath - You have a peculiar notion of what it means to be married.
You both enter into a contract 'freely' to be 'joined in marriage', you don't agree to surrender all autonomy nor conduct yourself solely to the wishes/whims of your spouse."

I'm sure each and every marriage has it's own ways of working. There is no blue print. So of course, you are right, but you're also wrong.

We don't know the ins and outs of ploppys marriage.

[spathiphyllum]

"He’s my husband but that doesn’t make him my property at all."

He's not yours then. Which one is it?

[ummmm]

If we 'belonged' to anyone the divorce rates would be much lower!

[Rockrose]

You know I really cannot be bothered to argue with you.
Slaves were property husbands are partners

[spathiphyllum]

If someone said to me "who's girl is that" referring to my girlfriend... I'd say mine, proudly. I'm sure she'd do the same if someone ask'd who's boyfriend that was.

We're proud to have eachother for our own.

That is a sense of ownership...

That doesn't mean she does everything i say and ask her to do. It doesn't mean i own her like a pet dog on a leash.

It does mean we are each others, equally.

It's a sense of belonging

You're just hysterical thinking i'm talking about the 20's or some crap.

You argue because you're an emotional cannon ball. We're not even arguing, you're just not understanding and getting rife about it.

[Rockrose]

Where have I been hysterical?
You love to throw that about when a woman disagrees with you- I think you have an issue!

[jackthehat]

I am sure ploppy1999 is pleased to see his thread diverted into a usual Spath cul-de-sac.
This is where people who understand things have to explain things to someone who doesn't and we end up circling the plughole until the post disappears down into the drain.....

[spathiphyllum]

RockRose I'm sure ploppy wanted to come on here and hear someone just shut him down with exclamation marks.. You came one, offended him three times then went on to push your perspective MY point. Just calm down.

[spathiphyllum]

"nto a usual Spath cul-de-sac. "

You mean a rockrose rodeo?

[ummmm]

I'm not understanding either and seems that neither is Jackthehat!

[spathiphyllum]

Go on JTH.. you TELL me about relationships like i'm a clueless kid (crying with laughter at the arrogance)

[jackthehat]

Well, to be fair, I only have the way you post to go on.....

[Rockrose]

Lmao Spath you really are a one aren’t you!

[spathiphyllum]

If you think being a wife means you can do and act as you wish with other men simply because you're not your husbands "Property" then you need to get some damn respect for ur husbands.