Is This Normal For A Teenager?

[ilovecheese]

I looked at some of my 14 year old daughter’s texts and she is in a group chat with two other boys her age. They ask her questions like “smash or pass” and seem very interested in her answers. They also make jokes about “banging” her and other sexual things. They gave her advice on masturbating and told her facts about ***. It all seems very inappropriate to me. Is this normal? What do I do?

[emmie]

I am not sure this is normal, though you do read that this is on the increase i wonder why you looked at her texts - because if you sit her down and have a quiet chat, which seems the way forward, she might well have got upset at you looking at her phone. They are however inappropriate texts and i would be concerned myself, if someone sent my 14 years such explicit material. A chat about it can't harm. Tell her your fears, and that she shouldn't in your eyes have these two as friends.

[barry1010]

I thought you were a teenager yourself from your previous posts, I really shouldn't make assumptions.

Talk to your daughter.

[emmie]

she may baulk at that, but she's still only 14.

[barry1010]

I think me and my mates were obsessed with sex (or the idea of it) when we were 14. Of course there were no mobile phones back then, or computers, so no sexting or texting - but we still talked about sex and joked about it. Told whopping big fat lies about it, too!
My parents never knew, I'm sure they'd have been horrified if they'd heard us. Or maybe they'd have shrugged and remembered they were the same at that age

[Sqad]

If by " normal" you mean the majority, that is more than 50%,then inmy opinion YES it is normal so get used to it.
Our children have decided, that the basis of previous upbringing is to be challenged and by the posts and debates that we have had on AB, seem pleased with 5he results regarding moral issues,discipline and education.

What can you do about you ask?.......Nothing.

Yes as teenager I did joke about sex etc but it was only in male environments, never in the presence of girls.

I don't understand how we have arrived in this socio-economic state but others on AB may have the answers.

[barry1010]

Did you go to an all boys' school, Sqad?

[Sqad]

Yes barry.

[MartinMillar]

Is it normal? Yes!
Is it nice? No
Sit her down and explain to her the consequences of such behaviour and also how she should no let herself be pressured into doing something she doesn’t really want to.
Make her aware that she can approach you with any concerns that she may have and that you will help her.

[Sqad]

For reasons beyond my comprehension, respect for girls has deteriorated in the past 30 or so years.
Could it be that they have demanded equalty and now they have it.......for better and for worse?

[MartinMillar]

Pretty old fashioned view sqad!
However you are entitled to your opinion.

[Sqad]

Thats cus I am old MM....LOL.

[MartinMillar]

Exactly darling which is why you are entitled to your opinion however right or wrong it is x

[eve1974]

REgretably it is normal for todays teenagers. However, as she's only 14 you do need to sit down with her n have a chat. Even better yet is there an older cousin, sibling who cld do it for you. Because...unlikely that the will listen to what you have to say (teenagers been teenagers n all that!)

[emmie]

sadly the increase of sexually explicit material on the net is one way boys get their kicks. But they shouldn't really be sending your daughter messages as you have described, as others have said have a quiet word, or if you can't do that, maybe an older sibling can?

[bednobs]

For the avoidance of doubt, what's "***"? Is it sex? (If so why is it started out I wonder)tonight change my answer

[bednobs]

It might not tonight

[Ken4155]

The moment you 'fess' up to looking at your daughter's private texts is the moment you lose her trust. How deep into her texts did you have to delve before coming across these messages? If you are to sit her down for 'that' talk, invent a scenario in which harmless sexual on line chat had turned into something more sinister - there are plenty of examples available.
Do you know the 'boys' she is having these chats with? If not, how do you know they are of the same age as your daughter?

[AuntPollyGrey]

Are you actually the 14 year old daughter? Your other posts on here suggest you are a teenager rather than the mother of one

[barry1010]

I thought the same at 08:42 APG. Whether she is a mother or a teen she never replies

[Barsel]

I agree APG, her other posts make her to be a young girl who plays tennis and asks questions of a sexual nature.
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