Family Relations

[Diannegbw]

My husband and I were both widowed. We met after our spouses deaths, and fell in love. His daughter is 30 and married. They are very cold to me. I’m generally thought of as a nice person, so I don’t understand their attitude. They invited my husband to a party, 8 hours from our home. I was not invited. Is it okay if I avoid them in the future?

[tonyav]

Is it okay if I avoid them in the future?


I certainly would.

[calmck]

Did your husband go? At 30 she should be able to accept that her father has the right to find a second life partner and that this does not mean he did not love or respect her mother

[seekeerz]

You didn't say if you two have married ...perhaps the daughter is trying to prevent this happening ....whatever the case, she'll be one to avoid...good luck to you both, you deserve happiness

[Mamyalynne]

She should know better but maybe she'll mellow given time, for now stay away and enjoy your life with your Husband.

[Canary42]

/// didn't say if you two have married


Surely "husband" usually means married.

IMHO avoiding them in future is sinking to their level - you're too nice to do that. What is your husband's view ?

[seekeerz]

Oops, my bad ! Still definitely one to steer clear of.

[Smowball]

Dianne - how long have you and your husband been together? And what are his thoughts on all of this??

[jno]

perhaps your husband could help by not accepting invitations that don't include you. I understand he'd like to see his daughter, but his commitment at the moment is to you. Don't get into fights about it, but he should want to see his new wife being treated with respect.

[Diannegbw]

I’m new here, so I don’t know how to respond to individual comments. My husband and I have been together almost 4 years. His daughter is his only child. I have none. He buries his head in the sand regarding any of her flaws. He wants to spend time with her anytime she calls. He “doesn’t see” the conflict, is totally oblivious to the fact that she has never made eye contact with me…

[Smowball]

Morning Dianne. It’s a tricky one. Are you the only relationship he has had since his wife died?

[Redhelen72]

Have been in a similar situation when my dad remarried after mother’s death, kid sister hated Stepmum (sister was 34) dad made it known straight away that she was now his wife and that was that, sister would not back down so dad severed ties!
It’s a matter of respect.

[murraymints]

total lack of respect..your husband should NOT accept any invitations that do not include you... I would be fuming at both him and his daughter if he even considered going without you...

[Peter Pedant]

Just ignore it
and go on as normal

this happened to us: we were disinvited to a party - the party is cancelled and then phew it went ahead, wivvart us same place same time

and then I got a message: message mind: please dont make unkind comments. Life goes on ....

[Peter Pedant]

My mother didnt get on with her step mother. - well SM DID say she married ( my grandfather ) at an age which was er less than my mothers!
and all the bad feeling did was interfere with things

they both lived for forty years after my grandfathers deah so perhaps SM was right: she WAS that young

[bednobs]

Surely if they live 8 hrs away it's pretty easy to stay away from them?

[andy-hughes]

When a new partner comes on the scene, acceptance is often difficult for children from the first union - regardless of age.

But absence of acceptance should never mean absence of good manners and respect.

Were I in that situation, I would tell my daugher that no-one will ever replace her mother, and no-one is trying to do so.

Nonetheless my new partner is my choice, and I expect the same level of respect for her that you show to me, and if you are unable to do that, then we are going to have difficulty moving forward.

I am not asking you to accept her as your 'new mother', but I am asking you to accept her as the woman I love, and I expect you to employ the manners and courtesy I raised you to have, to be civil in her company.

If you think that is too much to ask, then we are going to have to have a very very difficult conversation about where we go from here.

[AuntPG]

How do you know you were not invited? Were you specifically told not to go? If that was the case, your husband should have made it clear that if he goes. you go, and if that's not acceptable, then he will decline the invitation. Your OH going on his own is a complete lack of respect for you and is putting the feelings of his daughter above yours.
If you are happy for your OH to go see his daughter without you, then that's perfectly fine, you accept he wants to see her, but you have no need to socialise with her at all.

[Sqad]

This is an easy one...............you accept and respect my partner or our father /daughter relationship disappears.

[andy-hughes]

Sqad - // This is an easy one...............you accept and respect my partner or our father /daughter relationship disappears. //

It may be the end of the situation, but I would never ever say that it was 'easy'.

I rejected my mother and sisters because they would not accept the woman I loved, but it was not easy.