Feeling Isolated

[tiggerblue10]

I picked Little Tigs up from school today and he told me that all the friends he had made at the beginning of last term no longer talk to him and that he doesn't feel comfortable in his mentor group anymore. He's in year 7 and is autistic and has delayed development. Last term he told one of the boys in his group that he had a crush on him and ever since then he gets picked on and one of his ex friends now calls him gross. I can't stop him from expressing himself but I've told him to just keep his head down and get on with his work and only talk if anyone asks him something.

There is a room called the Ozone where he can go and it's there for children with autism, ADHD and learning difficulties. He spends his break times and lunches in the room with the SEN teacher and some friends he's made there and wants to be in there permanently.

I've emailed the school to find out exactly what's going on and if they can help.

I feel really upset and want to wrap him up in cotton wool but I know I can't. Anyone on here with any similar experiences, do you have any advice?

[Bobbisox1]

Ah Tiggs I am feeling your pain,anyone can call you but when it comes to upsetting your child, it’s dreadful, I hope the school acts immediately on this xxx

[Patsy33]

How old is he Tiggs?
I'm sure things will sort itself out. Hope the school is helpful in this for him and you.
At least he's got you to come home to, that I'm sure he knows loves him and has his best interest at heart. x

[Smowball]

My neighbour has 3 boys, the youngest of which is autistic. I remember clearly when youngsmow(previous teenSmow) had his school prom and the limo came here to pick up him and his friends, all in their tuxedos etc and looking fab. My neighbours son was so excited by the sight if the limo that he ran up and refused to leave, insisting on being in every single photo with the boys. Mum ran up apologising but in the end the boys said it’s ok, and they not only let him pose with them, but let him get into the limo too lol. God his face was a picture!
I can’t offer you any help but just wanted to send you a big cuddle and hope that you can get some help xx

[tiggerblue10]

I hope so Bobbi xx

He's 11, Patsy xx

[pixie374]

I would ring them, tiggs, I think it's a little more urgent than an email.
Hopefully, they will know what is happening and be able to intervene. It is heartbreaking, but he does need a social side too. Xx

[tiggerblue10]

Thanks Smow xx

[tiggerblue10]

I'm going to see if the Head is at the gate in the morning, Pixie. I don't know if the teachers would be able to take my call at 4pm xx

[pixie374]

No, that's fine, smow. I really hope it can be sorted soon. At this age, social is easily as important as academic achievement... please let us know, as there are other options x

[pixie374]

Tiggs :-)

[Mamyalynne]

It's very hurtful when your child is sidelined, he knows he's a little different to some of his old pals - what you need to make clear to him is that not everyone understands how to cope with that.

Make sure he is as confident in himself as possible and this phase will pass, my Grandsons have all been through this and more and at times it breaks your heart.

Good luck with speaking to the School.

[tiggerblue10]

I think sometimes he finds it difficult to communicate and socialise because of his autism. I really hope this gets sorted soon as I feel really worried for him :o(

[Mamyalynne]

It can be a long road but giving him coping strategies and trying to bolster his confidence are two key things, he'll find his level.

[AuntPG]

// There is a room called the Ozone where he can go and it's there for children with autism, ADHD and learning difficulties. He spends his break times and lunches in the room with the SEN teacher and some friends he's made there and wants to be in there permanently. //

Is this not a good thing? to be surrounded by supportive helpers and his new friends? Why can't he stay there permanently?

[tiggerblue10]

I'm trying to, Mamy.

This is what I will be discussing with the teacher(s), APG.

[AuntPG]

Good -better to keep in in an environment he is happy in, than make him socialise with bullies. Remember, the squeakiest wheel gets the most oil Tiggs - stand your ground, he's a lucky boy to have you as his mum x

[tiggerblue10]

Thanks APG and Mamy xx

[Smowball]

Do keep us posted Tiggs - would be very interested to hear if you manage to make any headway with the school x

[Buenchico]

Ask LT to decide who, from his group of former friends, he'd be most likely to still get along with if other members of the group weren't around. Then invite that youngster to join you and LT on trips out to interesting places. It might help to re-kindle old friendships.

[jourdain2]

I'm not sure about staying in the Ozone. It sounds the answer, but he would be more isolated from the mainstream.

We have something very similar with my grandson (11) who has red hair and is pigeon-toed (so not much good at games). He has been quite severely bullied. School has a system where there is a room he can go to, but that makes him conspicuous and, t.b.h. it has made him unhealthily aware of his privileges. He moved up to senior school last year and the pattern is repeating. He's now misbehaving etc. in class - thinks he's special and is having to be forcibly reminded that putting feet on desk etc. is not acceptable. He's always in detention.

Sorry for all that about another kid, but the point is that special treatment has had a bad effect on him.

I really hope your school can handle this well for your son. No, you can't wrap him up in cotton wool and, as I've seen, intervention like that makes him more of a target.

[tiggerblue10]

Will do, Smow

Chris, the only kid who does talk to him within his mentor group picks on him and says not very nice things. The others no longer talk to him. That's why I told him to keep his head down and just get on with his work.

Jourdain, there is a mentor group that usually sit in the Ozone anyway so if I can try and get him in that group he may feel more comfortable.