Best Way To Split The Bills When Living Together.

[dave50]

My niece is planning to set up home with her boyfriend. He thinks all bills should be split equally, however he earns more than she does. I say the bills should be split pro rata based on their earnings. What do others think?

[douglas9401]

What a jolly and romantic lot we have here. :-)

[pat2604]

Dave, you are so right.

[pat2604]

Ha ha Douglas!!!

Romance to me had nothing to do with money and gifts at all. I'm not a material girl.!!

[pat2604]

And I don't have to ask my husband's permission to do or buy anything. God forbid!!

[goodgoalie]

//I honestly think you must be very tight fisted now!!!//

It's not a question of being tight-fisted. I would just hate to have no money of my own, to do with as I saw fit - including perhaps splurging on a generous surprise weekend break for us, for example, or maybe going away by myself on a golfing break with my friends. And the same, crucially, for my partner, to do with as she wanted.

[RainbowRainbow]

Money isn’t a subject

[pat2604]

But we could do the same

But you said regarding the cost would I just buy it or go home and ask my husband and he would give the go ahead because it's half his money!! We don't see money as half his and half mine. We see it as our money. I had a month in Asia and Australia years ago with OUR money. We worked out it was affordable. I've just had a private op with OUR money!

[pat2604]

Regarding the Coat!

[Canary42]

If you're going to be fastidiously pro rata it shouldn't be on income alone, but also on expenditure.

E.g. Does the bloke have to buy tampons ?

And I think you will find that Smart Meters aren't yet smart enough to differentiate who is using the most electricity/gas.

[Prudie]

I don't see that it shows distrust or a doomed relationship if a couple need to clarify finances before they live together. It's just common sense, it could eliminate problems in the future . I've also always had joint accounts but have always kept my own account as well and would encourage others to do the same.
As for the actual OP if ones earns 40K and the other 20K then of course the higher earner should pay more if thy are committed.

[New Judge]

//Same question to you NJ as pat - how do you buy Mrs NJ a birthday present, or arrange a surprise weekend city break (say) without her knowing all about the cost?//

We have individual credit cards which are paid by direct debit out of our joint accounts. Neither knows the detailed spend of the other, only the total monthly spend. Simples!

[pat2604]

No different really NJ to me not questioning anything he has paid for on his debit card for our current account. Neither of us spend a lot on gifts to each other. I basically check on line for any fraud or bank mistakes. And overvthecyearscthere haven quite a few.

[sandra4444]

Base the budget on the lowest income of the two.

[goodgoalie]

"Here you are darling, I bought you this beautiful necklace for your birthday. Oh, by the way, you paid for half of it".

[pat2604]

It's very sad when couples fall out about money. We have had bad times financially especially in our younger years but have just pulled together. There has never been a question of whose money it is or who is earning more or not earning at all.

[Cloverjo]

I think there’s a difference between the OP’s niece ‘setting up home’ with her boyfriend and settling down with him and possibly getting married.

In her situation I’d say split the utility bills 50/50 and hope the boyfriend isn’t too much of a tightwad to ask her for a contribution to all restaurant bills, days out etc.

[pat2604]

,/Here you are darling, I bought you this beautiful necklace for your birthday. Oh, by the way, you paid for half of it/

[New Judge]

//"Here you are darling, I bought you this beautiful necklace for your birthday. Oh, by the way, you paid for half of it".//

Well the only way to avoid that situation (apart from not highlighting it with the last nine words) would be for each individual to maintain entirely separate finances, for all the household bills to be split, for all "common" items such as toilet rolls and washing up liquid to be itemised and the costs split. Quite how they should be split is open to debate - a toilet roll costs the same whether you are earning £100k or £10k. There is no reason why the higher earner should subsidise the housing costs of the lower. The cost of the property - and the enjoyment gained from it - is the same for both parties. Mrs NJ and I have individual Premium Bond investments (because you can't hold them jointly). I won £25k a few years back. Was it mine to keep? of course not. It went into out joint pot.

I'm sure there are ways of managing a household with entirely discreet finances but frankly life's too short to fanny about devising them.

[pat2604]

Sorry sent too soon!

But that goes back to what I said was a weird way of thinking!! Very weird indeed.

If my husband went out bought me a diamond necklace I would be very annoyed because he knows full well I don't do diamonds and jewels! ;0)).

[dave50]

Thank you for all your replies. I have suggested they sit down together and come to some agreement. However I did say that if they can't agree then it won't work and so don't bother and find a new bloke! My wife and I have all our monies together and never any arguments.