Am I Selfish For Being Scared At A Care Home?

[Treacle71]

Being Mother's Day, I and my own mother went to see a 94 yo lady whom I've known since childhood (neighbour) in a care home today. She's always been good to me and I back to her.
I always get anxious there, always. We only go about twice a year. Anyway, this lady, when we got there, was in the lounge with loads of others, asleep. She wanted to be wheeled back to her own room and back into her own bed. My mum and I waited in the corridor until she was ready and my mum said to me, "Come on, let's go back and join the others in the lounge until we can join her". Well, I froze and got scared to join the rest of the oldies. I also have social phobia.
Since mum and I got back home, she hasn't stopped laying into me about not joining her and the other oldies in the care home lounge.
Am I selfish? I did get this old lady flowers and a card, but I just froze in the corridor and nearly cried. I told my mum to go herself next time. Mum is now calling me an evil *itch. I told her next time there's an occasion, I'll pop something in the post to her, as I can't face it.

[rowanwitch]

First of all your mum should know better, but social phobia is one that can respond well to things like CBT, so it's worth trying to get a referral. You can't predict when life will force you into being with a group of strangers better to get help in dealing with your response rather than practising avoidance which will not always be possible.

[Treacle71]

Thank you, rowanwitch. I'm on the waiting list for CBT. I self-referred via my GP.

[Old_Geezer]

You can't help how you initially feel, no matter how you got there, but you don't overcome a fear of situations unless you go out of your comfort zone and get used to that which you fear and cause it to eventually feel normal. Good luck conquering your issues, but please don't hide from them, for the sake of your future self.

[roopower]

I can understand you being slightly overwhelmed in the care home. My mother was in care for 14 years, her choice. (she had severe mobility issues, couldn't live alone and wouldn't move in with us)T o start with I didn't enjoy visiting, some of the residents were awkward/repetitive/ loud/ demanding I do things for them, but as I got to know them it was more of a pleasure. I understand your social phobia to an extent, I'm not that bad but do not like large gatherings and also you don't see these people often. Next visit, phone first and ask if your friend can be taken to her room before you get there.

[Treacle71]

Thank you all for your helpful replies xx