Would You Be Speaking To My Friend In My Situation?

[abbeylee90]

Basically she become friends with one of my friends through me so she asks her what date are we out for her birthday but when I mention mine she says she can't commit to a night out in advance and this was in March today the she says I didn't tell her to book it off and her rota for my may is done and I'm very angry as we been friend over 10 years also when I was with my ex she told me to stay in touch with my friend as I won't have no one if we split well she going the same way.

[abbeylee90]

Well hope she don't split up with her partner then 

[newmodarmy]

Much earlier lunch today Abbey? You're  at work...Best to focus on that and not keep dwelling on this. 

[abbeylee90]

Lunch varies on time I finish 

[naomi24]

Abbey, you're angry and hurt at the moment but once you decide to stop talking to someone it's often very difficult to pick up with them again - and since she is a friend of many years, that's something you might want to do at some time.  Just say it's a shame she can't make it on your birthday and then talk about something else.  Rise above it.

[abbeylee90]

Yeah she gave my friend outfit option for her date but not mine

[newmodarmy]

I guess you're never going to let this go.

[abbeylee90]

I'm trying just can't stop wondering why she's like that

[naomi24]

Abbey, do you have other friends?

[abbeylee90]

Yes

[naomi24]

Good.  Concentrate on them.  The girl in question isn't doing what you'd like her to do but you can't make people into what you want them to be - and in life, people will often let you down or disappoint you.  It happens to everyone.  That's life.  You have to accept that.

[abbeylee90]

That's fine I'll have to think of someone else to turn to 

[scorpiojo]

I'm sure she's not the only friend you have. Isn't there a group (of friends)?

[abbeylee90]

Yes I have more friends 

[naomi24]

Just be friendly with all of them.  If they can't go out when you eat them to, that's fine.  There will be times when you can't make it too so stop fretting.  If you don't expect anything from them you won't be disappointed.  

[naomi24]

*want* them to ...

[newmodarmy]

I put this question through an AI answer generator, expecting it to get confused, but it actually came up with what seems to me to be a pretty good response: 

It is frustrating and hurtful when a long-time friend fails to prioritize your birthday celebration, especially after you have made efforts to include them in your plans. In this situation, it is clear that the friend in question has shown a lack of consideration and commitment towards maintaining the friendship.

It is understandable to feel angry and disappointed when someone you have known for over 10 years fails to make an effort to celebrate your special day. It is even more disheartening when they use excuses such as not being able to commit in advance or failing to book time off work.

Friendship should be a two-way street, with both parties making an effort to support and celebrate each other. If this friend continues down this path of neglecting your feelings and disregarding important events in your life, it may be time to reevaluate the value of the friendship. It is important to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and make an effort to show it.

[Neveracrossword]

I'm afraid there's a part of me that is very aware that Abbey's friend may have perfectly valid reasons for letting the friendship fade away. Abbey is keen to have friends who would be 'there for her', but that should be a two-way thing, surely? 

[abbeylee90]

And as we suppose tp be going another friend birthday in July I not sure I want to go now with her there.

 

[pastafreak]

From Wikipedia...

Cutting off one's nose to spite one's face" is an expression used to describe a needlessly self-destructive overreaction to a problem: "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face" is a warning against acting out of pique, or against pursuing revenge in a way that would damage oneself more than the object of one's anger.[1]

Don't make too much of it...you might lose other friends if you overreact.