is marrage over

[shazzzz]

my friend dose not know if her marrage is over.they get on fine but nothing physical ,for two years she hasent even kiss him she has an extreamly sick child that she is devoted to now the child is doing much better she can visit me down south she was ,quite popular when she lived here and i have managed to get people together and we havent stoped laughing for a week but she is not sure what the signs are when your marrage is over she leaves mine tomorrow she was only supposed to stop the weekend but stayed the week .i never got married so i cant answer

[coco pops]

Maybe she had forgotten what it is like to relax and have fun having been under so much stress with her child being ill. The same for her husband. She and her husband need to have time together to talk things through and get to know each other again. Having a very sick child puts a great strain on a relationship but it doesn't need to be the end if both parties want it to work.

[shazzzz]

she has done this coco pops and tried to sort things out but she says it not normal not to want to even kiss him ,and maybe she dosent love him anymore i feel sorry for her she has had a lot to cope with

[shazzzz]

she cant remember what she fell for all those years ago

[coco pops]

I think she should think about the situation for longer even go with her husband and get professional help . Maybe she and her husband have some sort of depression after all they have been through. Maybe she doesn't want to kiss her husband because she is scared of getting hurt if he should take seriuosly ill. Being with you and having a laugh is great but it is a holiday and not reality. How would she feel living on her own etc. I just think she should give herself some more time.

[shazzzz]

o she dose but not sure if what she felt will ever come back she dosent want to tell him its over if it can be saved and also he is a really nice fellow but she says it is more like a brother and sister relationship .i dont want to advise her to split up if it is like that but this is two years on now

[Le Chat]

Well, to answer your question, a marriage is over when one or both parties has had enough and can see life without the other person as a bonus and a good place to be.
I think though, that your friend needs to do everything in her power to save her marriage, whether it be councelling, talking to her husband about her feelings etc, before she throws in the towel.
She may also want to think how she would cope with a sick child on her own. It is very hard being a parent when your children are in good health, so to end up being the majority carer for a sick child will be very, very hard.

[shazzzz]

thank you le chat she has gone home now i hope things work out for her

[Mammar]

Some marriages are fine based on a brother / sister type relationship. It can't be bells and fireworks all the time.
Marriages go through phases and it is not surprising that with all they have had to put up with their relationship is under strain. It may be that it is impossible to work on their personal relationship while both of them are still worried about the day-today grind of looking after their sick child.
The question to ask is "Does life look better with him or without him?"
Even if he's only being a good support and bringing in money it's better than her struggling on her own. And, no, that's not using him because she supports him by making sure his clothes are clean and providing meals and caring for his child. It may not be a sexual relationship but it could be a comforting one. That can be enough for now. While she still feels "he's a really nice fellow" there may still be something that can be rekindled.
The time to reassess is when she truly feels life would be better without him and then it's time for them to talk seriously if they want to save the marriage.
Keep being there for her. I bet the break away has done her the power of good and may help her decide what's best for their family unit.

[tradey]

its hard enough when youve got kids never mind a sick one i feel for her,i think shes just got into her own routeen and cant get herself out of it,her mind must be on the child all the time,but she needs to find time for herself never mind her and her hubby.if her hubby isnt trying anything to get her attention then maybe hes given up,i think hse must sit down and have a good chat with him,get her to get someone to have the child for a few hours good luck