Aspergers?

[annie0000]

I know that a lot of you seem to have experience of Autism and Aspergers, and I just wanted to see if anyone had any opinions about my sons behaviour.

He is 6 going on 7, he came home from school on Tuesday with a note in his homework book saying that he had been given detention for upsetting other children. I spoke to my son about it and initially he said he didn't know what he had done, but eventually admitted that he had been touching people (tapping them on the shoulder, not anything inappropriate). I put a note in his book saying that we had made him aware how disappointed we were and asking what he had done.

Last night he came home and there was a list of things - he was licking his pencil and putting it on someone's work, slapped someones arm, poked someone in the eye, made noises at someone in the line, and touched someone persistently on the shoulder. Whilst as individual things, they are not that bad, he had done all this since Monday. He does not seem to realise when he is annoying and upsetting people. This has been quite a common theme over the last few years, he never has an explanation for why he does these things. He is not a nasty child, he just doesn't seem to be able to stop himself from being annoying.

He is bright and seems to enjoy school and has people that he plays with, although he does like his own company as well.

We have tried discussing his behaviour, being understanding, being disappointed, being angry and giving punishments.

Does anyone have any experience of this type of behaviour and do you think that he could have a mild case of aspergers or something?

[Pippa68]

In my experience it doesn't sound like Aspergers..my daughter has it and you wouoldn't have found her within 2 feet of anyone else in the classroom. Aspies certainly are not tactile people, so the touching problem doesn't sound right either.

My daughter does touch objects obsessively though.

Aspergers is high functioning autism. There isn't a case of mild Aspergers..just high or low functioning.

I would have a word with the teacher..work with them and monitor your sons behaviour ~ it may just be a phase he is going through, or maybe somebody has upset him at school. Keeping an eye on it is the only way..and keep the lines of communication open between you and your son..and the school :o)

[annie0000]

Thanks Pippa - i have had a look at some stuff on the internet, and I agree it doesn't fit all the criteria for aspergers however, neither is it a faze. He just doesn't seem to be able to understand or realise when he is annoying someone or they are upset. He doesn't empathise with others at all. My 2nd son is 13 months younger and although obviously he has a different personality - higher highs and lower lows - it is quite marked that he feels guilt, sympathy, joy etc whereas No 1 son is usually either fairly quite shy and reserved, or just plainly irritating and annoying. Even as a toddler, he never reacted when someone was crying. His teacher commented at the last parents evening that he has quite an unexpressive face and that he found it difficult getting into the spirit of drama. I did think at the time that this could be attributed to his shyness, but now I am not so sure.

I am not that keen to get him a label, I just wonder if there is a different way we should be dealing with him.

I know that the child he poked in the eye is a boy he has had issues with in the past, but the others are all children he likes.

My other thought is that we have noticed in the past that his behaviour gets worse when he drinks squash, so that is banned, but knowing how kids swap their lunches, I wondered if he had been drinking someone elses juice. I will maybe ask the teacher if everything happened in the afternoon or not.

As for the lines of communication, they do tend to be one way - he never really tells you anything and will answer most enquiries with " I don't know" - but we try!

Hope that you are getting the support you need for your daughter.

[bdol4886346]

My grandson was diagnosed with mild asperger`s about six years ago. He is twenty years of age now and still has many problems, His problems started to come to light when he was just a toddler. He was always in trouble at school for the annoying behaviour you describe, so I wouldn`t dismiss asperger`s as a possibility.Like your son, he could not understand that he was doing anythng wrong. He used to exasperate us with his behavior until finally being diagnosed. It was as if he was purposely going out of his way to annoy, and when he was told off he had a look on his face either of hurt or sometimes bewilderment. In his mind, he was being picked on when anyone disapproved of his behavior. I am sorry to say,now,we used to dread his visits. Another feature of the syndrome that he has always displayed is , although he is very intelligent, he takes everything literally. One example of this was when the teacher told everyone to freeze and he carried on moving. So he was in trouble again. If you think he may have the syndrome do try and get a diagnosis as it will help some. (but not all teaching staff)to have a better understanding of your little boy.

[curiosity]

Hi, Can I first stress that I'm not saying your son has this disorder, but there are similarities in the lack of empathy you describe, and possibly a late development of his "theory of mind" which is basically the ability to understand other peoples thinking. It's interesting reading http://www.hyperlexia.org/sp1.html

[missrandom]

hi annie, i too have had similar concerns about my son eg innapropriate behaviour, talking in a silly voice, not a good mixer, high level of intelligance etc Then i was recommended a book to read by Gael Lindenfield (i think the surname is spelled correctly?), called confident children or words to that affect (i'll check it later if u like), and it listed so many of my sons problems and said that actually it was all low self esteem and confidence. weve worked on him a bit in terms of confidence and he's sooo much better, and i dont have any concerns, hes just shy. I have also read that children can have aspergers "traits" but not nececsarily be an aspergers child. I believe that aspergers children have more problems in terms of taking what you say literally, for example, if you asked a child with aspergers, where did they go on the train....they may answer, down the track. or you might say, put a sock in it and they wonder where to put the sock, literally. hope this helps.

[missrandom]

just re-read the posts, godness my son seems just like yours, so damn annoying sometimes (as much as we love them), and yes he shows lack of empathy too. However as intelligent and advanced as he is in his academic abilities, emotionaly he has always been a good year or two behind. i find emotionaly he just takes longer to get there than the others. i also expressed my concerns to another parent atthe school and she told me her son has aspergers, and my goodness he knew all his times tables by the age of 4 and could count to 400 as a toddler!

[annie0000]

Hi Curiosity, I have read the article, there are some similarities here, particularly the jigsaws and lego - but there are also enough differences for me to think that this is not it. He does read exceptionally well, but I know that he understands what he is reading as that is one of the measures they have at school for his language work, he has passed both his reading and writing levels a year and a half ahead of schedule - his maths two years ahead - they have to interpret some text and also to write about 6 sentences about a given subject in order to pass the level.

I am off now to read some stuff about confidence as miss random suggests - which could be a possibility - I remember a couple of years ago doing a confidence test that was on the "child of our time programme" he did whatever it was he was supposed to do very well, but rated himself as ok, younger brother didn't do half as well but rated himself as brilliant. No 2 son is supremely confident in his own abilities and probably doesn't do No 1's confidence any good!

Thanks also to bdol - hope your grandson is coping now - My son doesn't interpret things literally - he has a good sense of humour and can understand jokes - I think that maybe that this is not it or he does not tick all the boxes.

missrandom, I'll get back to you after a bit of reading.

[missrandom]

i just read a little of the above link, i dont have the patience to read it all, sorry. and of what i read, it sounded almost identical to my friends autistic daughter. it sounded more like they were talking about autism and not aspergers ( iknow aspergers is an autistic spectrum disorder), but from what ive read they are two seperate disorders.

[annie0000]

Hi missrandom - I have just ordered the Gael Lindenfield book "Confident Children: Help Children Feel Good About Themselves" Hope this is the right one - can't do any harm can it. I know that he isn't particularly confident - the contrast between him and the tantrum king as we call no 2 is really marked. Craig will make a complete digger with lego, following all the instructions and he thinks that that is just okay, Ciar will put a couple of wheels onto a couple of bricks and will be doing a victory dance! It doesn't help that Ciar is probably better at most sports than Craig - he rode his bike with two wheels when he was 3 and Craig didn't until he was 5 so he had to endure a full year of little brother cycling rings round him while he still had his stabilisers on!

They just have different talents.

[missrandom]

yep thats the right book. Our second child (a girl), sounds similar too, confident, higher self esteem, more natural at kicking and throwing etc, and blimey she sure lets us know when she doesnt like something. William is quiet and does things by the book, Maisie does what she wants when she wants and how she wants (except when we intervine, arguments aplenty with her). like you say they are both very diff with diff talents. Hope it goes well. xx

[teddybon]

I would suggest you ask for a referral for your son to be assessed by a qualified doctor. Your G.P can do this.There are lots of possibilities including ADHD,Tourettes and simple boredom....your son's teacher is not allowed to suggest Autism Aspergers etc. and diagnosis by Answerbank will not be conclusive. Good Luck.