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I really need some help....
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Im at wits end. It makes me cry and feel like a right crap mum.
I am losing all bond with my toddler. Hes nearly two and he drives me round the bend. I cant wait for him to go to bed. Hes slowly destroying everything in the house and I feel like I get little respite from him. His older brother was such a good, happy, quiet toddler but Evan is just unbearable at times. The thing is, I know its only with me. He doesnt do this for his dad or anyone else.
I cant even get him to stay in one place whilst he eats. He wants to sleep in the day but if I let him he is up till 10 at night, if I dont let him sleep he is unbearable from 3. We go to the park every day, I take him to a toddler group and make him do things that really wear him out now, so that I hopefully have a sane evening without him.
I feel so guilty not wanting him awake 90% of the time. I know hes just doing the normal terrible twos thing but as I never had it with my first I feel like its not going to end.
I am losing all bond with my toddler. Hes nearly two and he drives me round the bend. I cant wait for him to go to bed. Hes slowly destroying everything in the house and I feel like I get little respite from him. His older brother was such a good, happy, quiet toddler but Evan is just unbearable at times. The thing is, I know its only with me. He doesnt do this for his dad or anyone else.
I cant even get him to stay in one place whilst he eats. He wants to sleep in the day but if I let him he is up till 10 at night, if I dont let him sleep he is unbearable from 3. We go to the park every day, I take him to a toddler group and make him do things that really wear him out now, so that I hopefully have a sane evening without him.
I feel so guilty not wanting him awake 90% of the time. I know hes just doing the normal terrible twos thing but as I never had it with my first I feel like its not going to end.
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Jno, I would have said �from year dot�, but I doubt if that would have been understood.
Sophie_1003 has got it right.
As a child (I�m now 71), I really got some hidings from my Mother, with anything she could lay her hands on. BUT! I loved her dearly, and now understand why she was like she was. I have only been to court twice, two divorces and once driving a motorcycle, carrying a pillion passenger on L-plates, I have never been in trouble with the police, and also have a completely clean driving licence (since 1960).
I am no saint, but was taught right from wrong.
Take a good look at the children today (There ARE a lot of good ones). They go out of their way to be destructive, they plan it at school. They work in gangs, mugging old and young alike. Bullying is rife, Stabbings are going on. The Fire and ambulance services are being attacked while trying to do their job�. A police programme I saw last night, said children as young as six are doing this. Smacking them might not work on some of them, but it would certainly cut it down. The trouble is, that in some cases, the good children, see that the bad ones get away with misbehaving, so they will begin to wonder why they should be good.
As I�ve said I am 71 years old, and am glad that I�m on my way out, as in another ten years time, I dread to think what it will be like. To all �do gooders�, you made your bed, now you can lie in it.
Sophie_1003 has got it right.
As a child (I�m now 71), I really got some hidings from my Mother, with anything she could lay her hands on. BUT! I loved her dearly, and now understand why she was like she was. I have only been to court twice, two divorces and once driving a motorcycle, carrying a pillion passenger on L-plates, I have never been in trouble with the police, and also have a completely clean driving licence (since 1960).
I am no saint, but was taught right from wrong.
Take a good look at the children today (There ARE a lot of good ones). They go out of their way to be destructive, they plan it at school. They work in gangs, mugging old and young alike. Bullying is rife, Stabbings are going on. The Fire and ambulance services are being attacked while trying to do their job�. A police programme I saw last night, said children as young as six are doing this. Smacking them might not work on some of them, but it would certainly cut it down. The trouble is, that in some cases, the good children, see that the bad ones get away with misbehaving, so they will begin to wonder why they should be good.
As I�ve said I am 71 years old, and am glad that I�m on my way out, as in another ten years time, I dread to think what it will be like. To all �do gooders�, you made your bed, now you can lie in it.
Dont blame the absent parent that beat me so hard in front of his children that he broke my arm and my ribs. Or would strangle me and only permit me to breath when I agreed with him.
It was in fact said in jest LEG, but not all fathers are hard done by, he is bloody lucky I never just ran for it in the middle of the night and yet I am doormat enough to realise that he dotes on those boys and have never said a bad word about him in front of them.
It was in fact said in jest LEG, but not all fathers are hard done by, he is bloody lucky I never just ran for it in the middle of the night and yet I am doormat enough to realise that he dotes on those boys and have never said a bad word about him in front of them.
Hi Goodsy, I can't offer any advice really but just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you - I'm sure you'll get through it, as you've gone through much worse and come through the other side :)
My little boy is 4 months old, so I'll come to you if he gets to Evan's age and I'm having problems - that's how much confidence I have in you! You can do it.
xxx
My little boy is 4 months old, so I'll come to you if he gets to Evan's age and I'm having problems - that's how much confidence I have in you! You can do it.
xxx
Just read what i wrote before and try it i promise you it will work. You have been through a really hard time and survived. You are amazing! Yua are a good mum but really try not to loose the bond you have with your son, it is vital.
If you use a 'naughty' chair and use the word naughty to describe him your little boy will think he is a naughty boy as he gets older he is more likely to have low self esteem and is then more likely to behave badly.
Sometimes the way we react to our childs behaviour is much more to do with how we are feeling at the time and how we feel about ourselves. You have been through such a difficult time and it must have affected you own self esteem. I could be wrong but it may help you if you talk to someone about this and it may also help you in your realationship with your son.
i wish you the best of luck.
If you use a 'naughty' chair and use the word naughty to describe him your little boy will think he is a naughty boy as he gets older he is more likely to have low self esteem and is then more likely to behave badly.
Sometimes the way we react to our childs behaviour is much more to do with how we are feeling at the time and how we feel about ourselves. You have been through such a difficult time and it must have affected you own self esteem. I could be wrong but it may help you if you talk to someone about this and it may also help you in your realationship with your son.
i wish you the best of luck.
Hi Goodsoulette
Firstly you are not a crap mum , and please dont cry.
Have you tried to ignore him, not say a word maybe its your attention that he is after, even though it sounds like you give him your undivided attention kids are more intelligent than we give them credit for , where the sleep is concerned try the NANNY approach it does work but you do have to carry on with it , he will get the message in time ,and bless him he is only 2 ,when he starts destroying the house put him on the settee and dont let him move but you do need to explain to him that he cannot do this
I wish you all the luck
Firstly you are not a crap mum , and please dont cry.
Have you tried to ignore him, not say a word maybe its your attention that he is after, even though it sounds like you give him your undivided attention kids are more intelligent than we give them credit for , where the sleep is concerned try the NANNY approach it does work but you do have to carry on with it , he will get the message in time ,and bless him he is only 2 ,when he starts destroying the house put him on the settee and dont let him move but you do need to explain to him that he cannot do this
I wish you all the luck
I found that I had problems with my first son. His dad left when he was 3 months old for another woman and it gave me the blues really badly. I found that even if I cried when he wasn't in the room, he was still pickin up on the negative vibes of my low emotions. He gave me problems sleeping for the next two years until I learnt to not start crying when he was screaming in his bedroom, and that he couldn't manipulate me by not sleeping.
My second son has now become INCREDIBLY naughty during the day and at bedtime, and we have learnt that smacking, shouting all do not work with him. The only thing that works is to actually make him sit in one place, so that he knows we are not going to give in to him. He is 3yrs 3months, so I know what you're going through. You must not convince yourself that he only does it for you...his Dad would not tell you even if he were naughty anyway! Let us kno how it goes, but try to get out and have some fun, don't just use your time on mundane chores.
My second son has now become INCREDIBLY naughty during the day and at bedtime, and we have learnt that smacking, shouting all do not work with him. The only thing that works is to actually make him sit in one place, so that he knows we are not going to give in to him. He is 3yrs 3months, so I know what you're going through. You must not convince yourself that he only does it for you...his Dad would not tell you even if he were naughty anyway! Let us kno how it goes, but try to get out and have some fun, don't just use your time on mundane chores.
Hi Goodsoulette, been off for a while, sorry you struggling honey. Believe me anyone who not had these thoughts about their kids is fibbing. It is all perfectly normal and you are not a crap mum. Well either that or we are the only 2 members of the crap mum club. Ok my number 2 is 3 and i hear you all the way. Number 1 perfect and number 2 opposite but perfect in her own way. I also get to the end of the day and sometimes wish for bed time and then sit down and think what I have done all day and can only answer with "shout". I am lucky and have a auntie lou and mammar with hints and tips and support. I find sometimes I simply go out and the behaviour improves just for a walk or something to break the tension. If you catch yourself shouting stop and breathe then think of a way to say it without shouting.
I also have come down quite hard on some things and sitting on the step and putting her back on it for about 10 mins then waiting another 10 before she stops ranting and screaming works wonders. It is hard but seems to concentrate the mind about what bad behaviour or lack of self control over certain things like hitting or simply controling anger brings. I then do something nice with her and she is a different kid.
I also have come down quite hard on some things and sitting on the step and putting her back on it for about 10 mins then waiting another 10 before she stops ranting and screaming works wonders. It is hard but seems to concentrate the mind about what bad behaviour or lack of self control over certain things like hitting or simply controling anger brings. I then do something nice with her and she is a different kid.
Also I call her bluff like if she refuses to put her shoes on as she wants the other completely impractical ones on then I simply make her go without any on. She went to the supermarket in her pants the other day screaming all the way in the car but when we got there she was quite willing to get dressed and I bought her a treat for being good as she went all the way round perfectly. I reckon sometimes they just have to test you and it is hard to rise above it and seems to be a constatnt battle.
Remember to praise everything good and stay calm about the bits you dont like. Getting out of the house is good and I sometimes find that I notice the sweet kid I once had and almost cry as I realise i have lost her somewhere. That sweet kid is here more and more oftem now and I want to do stuff with her rather than do jobs to avoid her. Stay positive and hang in there you will come through. Keep in touch with everyone as bottling it up is no help. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Remember to praise everything good and stay calm about the bits you dont like. Getting out of the house is good and I sometimes find that I notice the sweet kid I once had and almost cry as I realise i have lost her somewhere. That sweet kid is here more and more oftem now and I want to do stuff with her rather than do jobs to avoid her. Stay positive and hang in there you will come through. Keep in touch with everyone as bottling it up is no help. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
