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A single mother with 2 children aged 10 & 12 who is screwing my partner for every penny he has. She has the marital home, which he bought and paid for, he is self employed tradesman with a �6500 overdraft, �2500 on credit and a �10,000 loan. He also has to pay a mortgage of �1300pm on literally a 2 up 2 down cottage with rotting single glazing. He used to pay her �500 pm in maintenance, but she didn't like the fact that sometimes he paid late (owing to the fact that a customer hadn't paid him). But she always got it. She went to the CSA who, based on his income have said he should pay �325 pm. He pays - though sometimes i have to help him out, but she still phones him up a week later, saying she's run out of gas, electric, food whatever, etc. He might have to say he can't help, because he really does have no money and she'll throw back at him the likes of "Its for the kids".
I have said to my partner that the children would never have to go without because they would always be welcome at ours - whether its for food, a hot bath or just to use the computer.
To cut to the chase, his ex wife doesn't like the fact that he has moved on and found new love. I seem to be made to feel that I was the one who broke up the marriage, like we're having a dirty sordid affair although I didn't meet him until 2 years after they divorced! Because of that, she won't let the children anywhere near our home, for fear that "that woman" (me) might be there.
I would like to know, how much child benefit she recieves, and any other government support she is entitled to, because it seems to me that she is treating my partner like a cash point machine.
Bearing in mind that when he left, because she had had extra marital affairs, she immediately moved a new bloke in with her and the children though he left her after 3 months, she works school hours and recieves �75pw from us, yet puts her youngest daughter in school shoes that are from Asda and are actually
I have said to my partner that the children would never have to go without because they would always be welcome at ours - whether its for food, a hot bath or just to use the computer.
To cut to the chase, his ex wife doesn't like the fact that he has moved on and found new love. I seem to be made to feel that I was the one who broke up the marriage, like we're having a dirty sordid affair although I didn't meet him until 2 years after they divorced! Because of that, she won't let the children anywhere near our home, for fear that "that woman" (me) might be there.
I would like to know, how much child benefit she recieves, and any other government support she is entitled to, because it seems to me that she is treating my partner like a cash point machine.
Bearing in mind that when he left, because she had had extra marital affairs, she immediately moved a new bloke in with her and the children though he left her after 3 months, she works school hours and recieves �75pw from us, yet puts her youngest daughter in school shoes that are from Asda and are actually
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Hello,
Just reading the last message, if he has �325 taken off him that is what she recieves, they litterally take it from him and give to her, they cant take money off him to keep for themselves!!!
ok she will get �75 child benefit for the first child and �55 for other children after that so for 2 children she will get approx �130 per month
i feel for you i really do , i havent been in that situation but i know a friend of mine had to pay over �500 a month and that was through the CSA and he had his son every weekend, took him on 2 holidays a year and bought him all his clothes!! everything!!
she cant actually stop the kids from going to your house, does your partner have parental responsability over the kids? does she work? if she works no doubt she will be getting child and working tax credits! i know when i was working 16 hours a week i got over �100 extra a week from tax credits!
sounds like she is using him for every penny she can get,
tell your partner to say NO unless she is asking for shoes for the kids or clothes ( which he can take the kids to buy himself, instead of handing her money)
if she calls up asking for electric tell him to say NO, she has no right what so ever!! its her responsability to look after the kids and provide the electric and food etc with the money that the government take off your partner!!! if she is spending this on other things then thats her being a bad mother!!! he shouldnt have to feel bad!!! unless its directly for the kids i would tell him to just say NO,
and if she calls up asking for shoes, clothes, or even food, then tell him to pick up the kids and he can take them shopping, he shouldnt have to give her money ontop of what he already does!!!
and she has no right keeping the kids from your house!! id call a solicitior!!!
sorry for the rank!!! i do feel for you!! xxx
Just reading the last message, if he has �325 taken off him that is what she recieves, they litterally take it from him and give to her, they cant take money off him to keep for themselves!!!
ok she will get �75 child benefit for the first child and �55 for other children after that so for 2 children she will get approx �130 per month
i feel for you i really do , i havent been in that situation but i know a friend of mine had to pay over �500 a month and that was through the CSA and he had his son every weekend, took him on 2 holidays a year and bought him all his clothes!! everything!!
she cant actually stop the kids from going to your house, does your partner have parental responsability over the kids? does she work? if she works no doubt she will be getting child and working tax credits! i know when i was working 16 hours a week i got over �100 extra a week from tax credits!
sounds like she is using him for every penny she can get,
tell your partner to say NO unless she is asking for shoes for the kids or clothes ( which he can take the kids to buy himself, instead of handing her money)
if she calls up asking for electric tell him to say NO, she has no right what so ever!! its her responsability to look after the kids and provide the electric and food etc with the money that the government take off your partner!!! if she is spending this on other things then thats her being a bad mother!!! he shouldnt have to feel bad!!! unless its directly for the kids i would tell him to just say NO,
and if she calls up asking for shoes, clothes, or even food, then tell him to pick up the kids and he can take them shopping, he shouldnt have to give her money ontop of what he already does!!!
and she has no right keeping the kids from your house!! id call a solicitior!!!
sorry for the rank!!! i do feel for you!! xxx
Is the �1300 per month mortgage on the house she is living in?
Or is that house paid for?
If she is receiving means tested benefits, the money your boyfriend pays will be used to defray those costs - she won't get it all.
She is not a single parent. She is a divorced parent with a responsible ex-husband.
Or is that house paid for?
If she is receiving means tested benefits, the money your boyfriend pays will be used to defray those costs - she won't get it all.
She is not a single parent. She is a divorced parent with a responsible ex-husband.
Thank you everybody, I finally feel that there are people who understand my frustrations!
In response to some of your questions....
When he was still with his ex, being self employed and to protect the family home, he put the house in her name, although he funded the mortgage throughout. When they split up the court ruled that the house was rightfully hers. He then was considered a first time buyer and hence now has the obscenely large mortgage to pay.
WHen he left, she moved her new boyfriend in to her home with the children (they are no longer together). This frustrates me because before I came on the scene my partner had the children every other weekend. Because of my exsistence she has stopped that. She says the children feel uncomfortable with him having a new woman - funny though, that she can have someone living with them and yet my partner can't (in her opinion) eventhough the children don't live with him!!!
I have met the youngest, becuase she wanted to meet me. Since then she has stolen, and then returned a �1,000 ring from my drawers because she thought it was an engagement ring and she has recently read my private journal. Where I thought we were friends, I now feel that I can't trust her in my home when she visits. The older child who's 12 refuses, and the mother claims "its up to the children"..... Yet I believe she is being poisoned by her bitter mum.
In August my partner took the children to Paris for 4 days. Last night his ex found out that we are going away next week and for 15 mins was shouting down the phone that we shouldn't be going away because she needs the money more. So we're not entitled to a break? Its not as if we're going anywhere exotic and expensive - we're going to stay in a caravan in Dorset and going beach fishing!!
I could go on and on because there are lots that she lays my partner on a guilt trip, so please forgive me for ranting - sometimes I just need to get it out of my system! <
In response to some of your questions....
When he was still with his ex, being self employed and to protect the family home, he put the house in her name, although he funded the mortgage throughout. When they split up the court ruled that the house was rightfully hers. He then was considered a first time buyer and hence now has the obscenely large mortgage to pay.
WHen he left, she moved her new boyfriend in to her home with the children (they are no longer together). This frustrates me because before I came on the scene my partner had the children every other weekend. Because of my exsistence she has stopped that. She says the children feel uncomfortable with him having a new woman - funny though, that she can have someone living with them and yet my partner can't (in her opinion) eventhough the children don't live with him!!!
I have met the youngest, becuase she wanted to meet me. Since then she has stolen, and then returned a �1,000 ring from my drawers because she thought it was an engagement ring and she has recently read my private journal. Where I thought we were friends, I now feel that I can't trust her in my home when she visits. The older child who's 12 refuses, and the mother claims "its up to the children"..... Yet I believe she is being poisoned by her bitter mum.
In August my partner took the children to Paris for 4 days. Last night his ex found out that we are going away next week and for 15 mins was shouting down the phone that we shouldn't be going away because she needs the money more. So we're not entitled to a break? Its not as if we're going anywhere exotic and expensive - we're going to stay in a caravan in Dorset and going beach fishing!!
I could go on and on because there are lots that she lays my partner on a guilt trip, so please forgive me for ranting - sometimes I just need to get it out of my system! <
You sound quite bitter at the cost of your partners children and ex-wife. They are 'incumbrances' that come with having a relationship with him, whether its you or anyone else. He knows how demanding his children are. It's also in his financial interest to be self-employed. Lots of divorcees resign employment so their wages can't be 'docked' for the CSA.
His children will be his financial responsibility till they leave school. So you will have a few more years to suffer their expense, if you stay with him.
His children will be his financial responsibility till they leave school. So you will have a few more years to suffer their expense, if you stay with him.
It is hard when your partner has children - you will always come second to them, no matter how old they are.
And of course the children are going to resent you - they want dad to themselves, not compete with another female for his attention. Teenage girls can have this competition with their mother, subconsciously, so it is perfectly normal behaviour.
�75 per week for two children is not a lot, you know. Many fathers have to pay a lot more.
It's not easy being a step parent.
And of course the children are going to resent you - they want dad to themselves, not compete with another female for his attention. Teenage girls can have this competition with their mother, subconsciously, so it is perfectly normal behaviour.
�75 per week for two children is not a lot, you know. Many fathers have to pay a lot more.
It's not easy being a step parent.
I understand how that may come across and yes I suppose I am a little bitter, but only because she describes me as, "that woman", "an evil moose" etc when she's never even met me and she just seems to want more and more and more. She thinks we're living the life of riley when actually we are really struggling. When he tells her that there is nothing more to give she, and the oldest child just laugh in his face (she thinks its ok to get the child involved in the financial side of things).
There is no question of me leaving him and I was aware of the complications that could arise when we got together. He even told me it was a bad idea for me to get involved with him, but our feelings for each other took over!
There is no question of me leaving him and I was aware of the complications that could arise when we got together. He even told me it was a bad idea for me to get involved with him, but our feelings for each other took over!
You've got all the fun of attending their 18th birthday parties, graduation ceremonies and weddings to look forward to.
Hopefully the parents can sort out their differences long before then, so you can all be at least amicable.
I hope you are protecting your own interests if you are living with him and not married - no doubt you are contributing to the mortgage and usual bills
Hopefully the parents can sort out their differences long before then, so you can all be at least amicable.
I hope you are protecting your own interests if you are living with him and not married - no doubt you are contributing to the mortgage and usual bills
I asume your partners ex is on child tax credits as she works, if so these are calculated by working out how much she needs against how much she has coming in from wages, CSA, child benefit etc.
By asking for extra money and not declaring she has received extra money she is cheating the system ie cheating tax payers and committing a criminal offence.
Your partner could always insist on paying by cheque or asking her to sign a receipt for the money, if she asks the reason he could always say he wants proof of how much he has paid in case Government officials ask and explain he is overlooking the criminal offence she is doing for the sake of the children.
It may just make her re-consider that your partner can just keep paying extra without anybody knowing.
Or it could make matters far worse with regards to seeing the children, also buying presents of shoes, clothes etc can also be considered to be income if done on a very regular basis.
Income support also works the same way.
By asking for extra money and not declaring she has received extra money she is cheating the system ie cheating tax payers and committing a criminal offence.
Your partner could always insist on paying by cheque or asking her to sign a receipt for the money, if she asks the reason he could always say he wants proof of how much he has paid in case Government officials ask and explain he is overlooking the criminal offence she is doing for the sake of the children.
It may just make her re-consider that your partner can just keep paying extra without anybody knowing.
Or it could make matters far worse with regards to seeing the children, also buying presents of shoes, clothes etc can also be considered to be income if done on a very regular basis.
Income support also works the same way.
in response to sandbach99 the tax credit doesnt include CSA or child benefit in their calculations, so she will get as much as they will give her for the amount of hours she works, it doesnt matter how much she gets of the CSA
I was just reading on and when you said the youngest stole a ring and now you dont trust her? does that mean she isnt allowed in the house anymore????
this is such a complicated situation, i still stand by what i said before, if the kids need something, he should take them out and buy it rather then constanly giving the mother money. he is still supporting his kids then and at least he knows his money is being spent on the kids.
you say the 12 yr old doesnt want to know?? does she ever see her dad on his own? i mean this ios a sticky situation and if the 12yr old refuses to enter the house, does your partney pick her up and maybe go out on their own? or does he just not see her?
because as horrible as it sounds maybe you should walk away, i know its not you that has done anything wrong here but those kids are without a dad and in the end you will get the blame :o(
hope all works out anyway and the mother grows up! xx
I was just reading on and when you said the youngest stole a ring and now you dont trust her? does that mean she isnt allowed in the house anymore????
this is such a complicated situation, i still stand by what i said before, if the kids need something, he should take them out and buy it rather then constanly giving the mother money. he is still supporting his kids then and at least he knows his money is being spent on the kids.
you say the 12 yr old doesnt want to know?? does she ever see her dad on his own? i mean this ios a sticky situation and if the 12yr old refuses to enter the house, does your partney pick her up and maybe go out on their own? or does he just not see her?
because as horrible as it sounds maybe you should walk away, i know its not you that has done anything wrong here but those kids are without a dad and in the end you will get the blame :o(
hope all works out anyway and the mother grows up! xx
He does see the 12 yr old. Whether they all go out together, or if I'm out then she quite happily comes over to the house. They are also in regular phone & email contact and he goes over to see them at least once or twice a week, so they are not without the prescence of their dad!
The younger one still comes over and she requests sometimes to stay the night with us - as she has done for the last two saturday nights. The ring thing was discussed & forgiven.
I have said from the start that I will never stop him from seeing them and as I mentioned before, he did take them on holiday
The younger one still comes over and she requests sometimes to stay the night with us - as she has done for the last two saturday nights. The ring thing was discussed & forgiven.
I have said from the start that I will never stop him from seeing them and as I mentioned before, he did take them on holiday
Oh i see, sorry from your messages i couldnt work out if he saw them or whether the mother just forbid it altogether!!
i guess its just one of those situations that wil take time :o(
im sure when she gets a new boyfriend and needs a babysitter overnight she will be asking you to have them!!!!
im sorry i cant help more, i do feel sorry for you, i know people that have been in a similar situation, its so unfair that you should be made to be the bad guy to his kids just because the mother is a cow!!!
:o( hope it all works out for ya xxx
i guess its just one of those situations that wil take time :o(
im sure when she gets a new boyfriend and needs a babysitter overnight she will be asking you to have them!!!!
im sorry i cant help more, i do feel sorry for you, i know people that have been in a similar situation, its so unfair that you should be made to be the bad guy to his kids just because the mother is a cow!!!
:o( hope it all works out for ya xxx
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