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how to tell his family??
7 Answers
My daughter was born last september. Her father has known all along since I first became pregnant that I was going to continue the pregnancy. We are not dating or together in any way. I only talk to him when i absolutly need help with diapers..etc. She is 7 months now and he has yet to tell his parents about her. He is a 28 years old man. I think that his parents have a right to know about there grandchild. So I want to send them a letter explaining to them that they have a grand daughter. I just am not sure what to say. I am not looking for anything from them.. i just want them to know. But i have no idea where to start with this letter..
i only met his parents once.. and i am thinking of including a copy of the paternity test.
And i would have told them sooner except that he is going to be FURIOUS! and he said if i try to get child support he will fight me for custody...
I think they deserver to know.. i just dont know how to tell them and i think its very sad that i have to tell them since he has failed too. i have gave him many opportunities
i only met his parents once.. and i am thinking of including a copy of the paternity test.
And i would have told them sooner except that he is going to be FURIOUS! and he said if i try to get child support he will fight me for custody...
I think they deserver to know.. i just dont know how to tell them and i think its very sad that i have to tell them since he has failed too. i have gave him many opportunities
Answers
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A sad situation but I think the first concern should be what will be gained if you do tell them? Its sounds like you are very angry with him, and probably have every right to be. Let him carry the burden of not letting them know, and let him carry the consequences of when they do find out. You have only met them once. At this moment in time he could say anything to them about you and your relationship as the mother of their grandchild could be ruined from the outset.
Concentrate on giving your daughter the best you can, dont wait around for someone else to provide it, and if the benefits of not having an uhappy situation around outweigh absent grandparents, then it could be a viable option not to contact them.
Put together a grandparents book, like a scrapbook, with photos, copies of documents, even the paternity test and the letter you wanted to send them if needs be. It can be something you can give to them to fill in a few gaps when they do find out.
Concentrate on giving your daughter the best you can, dont wait around for someone else to provide it, and if the benefits of not having an uhappy situation around outweigh absent grandparents, then it could be a viable option not to contact them.
Put together a grandparents book, like a scrapbook, with photos, copies of documents, even the paternity test and the letter you wanted to send them if needs be. It can be something you can give to them to fill in a few gaps when they do find out.
I disagree.
If I had a grandchild I would like to know and be able to have a relationship with them. Your daughter also deserves to have Grand parents.
Just tell them that you do not expect anything from them but you would like your daughter to have a relationship with them as the more people that love her the better her upbringing will be.
If I had a grandchild I would like to know and be able to have a relationship with them. Your daughter also deserves to have Grand parents.
Just tell them that you do not expect anything from them but you would like your daughter to have a relationship with them as the more people that love her the better her upbringing will be.
If you try and get child support he will fight you for custody...what a load of old tosh, hes just shunning his responsibilities!
Should you tell his parents or not, personally if it were me I would want to know if I had a grandchild as I would want to be a part of its life, but not everyone is the same as me, you have to think about what your going to gain from it if anything at all, it might just give you a load of grief
Should you tell his parents or not, personally if it were me I would want to know if I had a grandchild as I would want to be a part of its life, but not everyone is the same as me, you have to think about what your going to gain from it if anything at all, it might just give you a load of grief
You are so lucky to have a lovely baby girl. Don't let his way of thinking interfere with her meeting her family, who will love her throughout everything life can throw.
Don't let your own feelings be an obstacle in this. When you do contact them, make sure you don't show any bad feelings towards her father. It may well alienate his parents, and that won't help them bond with their little grand-daughter.
Your duty is to your daughter and, maybe annoyingly to you, she will love everyone and anyone in her family - even the ones you may think undeserving of it. Keep those people in her life; they will make her childhood memorable. I still remember lovely afternoons spent with my dad�s mum, and only years later realised that my mum hated her!
Don't let your own feelings be an obstacle in this. When you do contact them, make sure you don't show any bad feelings towards her father. It may well alienate his parents, and that won't help them bond with their little grand-daughter.
Your duty is to your daughter and, maybe annoyingly to you, she will love everyone and anyone in her family - even the ones you may think undeserving of it. Keep those people in her life; they will make her childhood memorable. I still remember lovely afternoons spent with my dad�s mum, and only years later realised that my mum hated her!
This is a difficult situation and I am not in a position to tell you what you should do. But before deciding you shoud think about it long and hard.
He is trying to blackmail you in to not telling them by threatening you with what he will do and this is clouding your judgement.
Of course they deserve to know. My daughters father told his mother that she wasn't his and she didn't see her until she was 5, when he finally admitted the truth and that he had also been seein g her for a year. I feel very sad for her that she missed out on the early years as they are not as close as they could be.
It depends on how his parents are and how they react, if you have only met them once then you can only guess how they will react.
If you do decide to write a letter keep it simple, explaining that they have a grandchild and enclose a photo, telling them that they can contact you if they want to see her if they want to and then leave it up to them. Don't say anything about their son and his faults, they will soon pick up on these themselves. If they decide that they don't want to meet her then all you can do when she is older is tell her the truth, if she decides to look for them then they will have that question to answer.
He is trying to blackmail you in to not telling them by threatening you with what he will do and this is clouding your judgement.
Of course they deserve to know. My daughters father told his mother that she wasn't his and she didn't see her until she was 5, when he finally admitted the truth and that he had also been seein g her for a year. I feel very sad for her that she missed out on the early years as they are not as close as they could be.
It depends on how his parents are and how they react, if you have only met them once then you can only guess how they will react.
If you do decide to write a letter keep it simple, explaining that they have a grandchild and enclose a photo, telling them that they can contact you if they want to see her if they want to and then leave it up to them. Don't say anything about their son and his faults, they will soon pick up on these themselves. If they decide that they don't want to meet her then all you can do when she is older is tell her the truth, if she decides to look for them then they will have that question to answer.
Hi,
Firstly congrats on your baby girl!!! And well done for doing it on your own.
Your ex is way out of line, threatening you about the custody thing. Obviously he is not paying child support right now, so it seems he's unlikley the doting dad, otherwise he would happily contribute to your daughters upbringing and spent lots of time with her. Child support is there for a reason, and you shouldnt have to be intimidated to not go for what is rightfully your childs'. You should really consider going for this, its hard enough bringing up a child alone without having finacial strain on top of everything else.
On the subject of the Grandparents, you should tread carefully as you dont really know them, or how they will react. However its clear to see form the other replies that most people would want to know they had a grandchild.
A letter would be the best way, if you were going to go for it. Maybe include a photo. I wouldnt include the paternity test, as that kind of suggests you dont think they will believe you, and sort of makes a judgement about them as people. As long as your intentions are just that your daughter knows that part of her family, and it isn't to get to your ex, its a good idea. I would start writing down some ideas, and I'm sure you'll get an idea of how to start it. One tip though - dont say anything negative about they're son - not going to win you any fans!!!
As for him - dont let him bully you. Stay strong, it sounds like you have all the qualities of being a great mum!
Let us know how you go
x
Firstly congrats on your baby girl!!! And well done for doing it on your own.
Your ex is way out of line, threatening you about the custody thing. Obviously he is not paying child support right now, so it seems he's unlikley the doting dad, otherwise he would happily contribute to your daughters upbringing and spent lots of time with her. Child support is there for a reason, and you shouldnt have to be intimidated to not go for what is rightfully your childs'. You should really consider going for this, its hard enough bringing up a child alone without having finacial strain on top of everything else.
On the subject of the Grandparents, you should tread carefully as you dont really know them, or how they will react. However its clear to see form the other replies that most people would want to know they had a grandchild.
A letter would be the best way, if you were going to go for it. Maybe include a photo. I wouldnt include the paternity test, as that kind of suggests you dont think they will believe you, and sort of makes a judgement about them as people. As long as your intentions are just that your daughter knows that part of her family, and it isn't to get to your ex, its a good idea. I would start writing down some ideas, and I'm sure you'll get an idea of how to start it. One tip though - dont say anything negative about they're son - not going to win you any fans!!!
As for him - dont let him bully you. Stay strong, it sounds like you have all the qualities of being a great mum!
Let us know how you go
x
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