HOW DO YOU COPE WITH A DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

[topten]

My mother died unexpectedly, she took ill in February of this year which seemed minor at first. She had a pain in her right shoulder, her doctor thought it was arthritist but that pain lingered until she got shortness of breath. Anyway after some extensive test she was found to have lung cancer. She then had minor surgery on her lung to find out what treatment she would need, that was April and by June she was dead. I am finding it so hard to cope she was the most active person in th family rearly ill. For most of my life she was always there for me has i suffer with Siclkle Cell and I also have Hyperthyroid. When my grandfather died 1997 I was actually by his side and at that time thought he was asleep it's funny I was also with my mother when she passed away. The only resaon I coped then I was leaving England to go and live overseas, but now what do I do?

[ruby27]

topten

my sincere sympathy for your situation. Terrible as bereavement is, somehow we do seem to cope, however coping is just about getting by in some sort of zombie like state. When my brother suddenly died all I could do to get through was to keep concentrating on how lucky I had been to have had him in my life. Also giving and receiving love and support from family and talking about him, I was able to use family and later I sought counselling.

Also don't expect too much from yourself and give yourself as much care as you can

[ummmm]

There's no easy answer. In my opinion time is not a healer but you start getting back on your feet gradually because you have no option but to get on with your life. My Dad died in Feb 08 and it floored me for about 6 months. The support of my friends and family helped me. I had people round me everyday while I was really down who didn't mind me crying all the time. I feel that you should let yourself grieve how ever that grief is. It starts to calm down.

I was very bitter when my Dad got sick. I hated seeing people happy or laughing and that continued after his death. Gradually you will get back to normal and can start to remember them with a smile and a small tear.

My true sympathy is with you xx

[coccinelle]

You're still under shock and still hurting and wonder how you're going to cope with Mum no longer there to comfort you when you need it, but you'll see that you'll find the hurting does go and you'll discover you can cope. It's so sad to have to lose those we treasure but we do but it isn't easy.
Just by talking about her to family can be a good therapy and in a few months or a year you'll know you've got through it, but you'll never be the same and life will never be the same.
My thoughts are with you topten.

[Mamyalynne]

You have my deepest sympathy topten, you do not cope exactly but just keep on. Its a year since I sat by my husband as he died and its as real as yesterday.
I do have family and that helps, but the human spirit means we go on because we must.

Take good care of yourself

Mamya

[Drisgirl]

Firstly my sincere condolences go to you.
Please dont think you will ever get over a loved ones death -you wont.You simply through time live with it.Usually you have to change your lifes path but not a day will go by without thinking of them so accept that.
I can only suggest now that you dont try to push yourself -you wont ever feel the same so accept that.Try to maintain some semblance of routine in your life.
You will without thinking gradually find a way to cope without them -thats all it is and like everyone else said it doesnt get easier but you will find your feet again.Trust me.
If someone had said to me last year at this time I would be feeling like this i would have called them a liar to their face -it was raw.The rawness calms down but the hurt will live with you.