Adoption

[pericat]

I had a thread about this a few months back, is anyone around who answered me on it ?

[dothawkes31]

walk up yo him, tell him he's no longer the centre of his world, tell him actions have consequences and he's not going to get himself sorted in life if he relies on people who earn £50 an hour to tell him he's getting better, yell him he will have family one day that you can be a part of from day one but at this moment in time he's letting someone else exclude you from your grandchild and enough is enough.

[pericat]

i have said all that - he does need to see a counsellor i feel - as far as i know im not excluded as yet - i dont feel this is about me and my need with my grandchild as yet -

[dothawkes31]

It is about you if you are having palpatations peri, my son was and is incredibly selfish but he knows when my support ends, you're in a dilemma now, in a few days when she has had the baby see how it is going, she'll be home in a day or so if the baby is over 5ibs and is not struggling, it's complicated but you should be focused on the future now

[tonyav]

peri, I have just read through that post from sept, ( thanks dot ) And i can see he has had a hard time recently and i can also see that you are between a rock and a hard place with this very bad situation. I can see your concerns about the mother and her family and how they may treat this new baby.
1. If he takes on the baby then it may teach him responsibility and bring him to maturity.
2. if he takes on the baby he may not be able to hack it. which would probably mean it will be left to you to raise this child
3. If the baby is adopted then he can have no contact with the baby ( but the child may search for him when it reaches the age of 18 )

I think if this was my son in this situation my advise to him would have to be adoption, but it would still have to be his own decision, and whatever his decision his mother and I would respect that and stand by him.
Good luck to you and your family in this very dificult time and everything goes in the right direction for you.

Tony.

[pericat]

yep you're right.
the facts as i know them are
this girl is an older sister of a friend of my sons
she was not a girlfriend
he spent a lot of time in her flat with his friend and did a lot of baby sitting for the other kids before this happened for her
a few months back he had a fight with his friend (i dont know what about) but all the friends took my sons side and they dont hang with this guy anymore -
maybe you can see why im so confused

[sara3]

who told you she had gone in to hospital?

[pericat]

tony - the baby is not being adopted - the mother told my son this yesterday - so the situation is now even harder as if it was adopted he would have chosed a form of contact but this is different and i just dont know whats on the mothers mind

[pericat]

sara - she sent text to my son and he told me

[sara3]

if she's keeping in contact I think your son owes her some support. he should at least ring the hospital to ask how she is (and to check she's telling the truth!), and make sure she knows he called.

looking ahead, you and your son will have to sit down with the family and tell them what's going on. you can't keep something like this a secret forever and the longer you do, the worse it will seem to them.

[tonyav]

Well peri,do you think that the mother of this child will allow your son and yourself access to see and visit the child ?

[pericat]

i know - he asked me not to say anything until he'd made a decision - i am a very open person so its been difficult - but i stress he has to make the decisions - i know he is in touch with her as we speak

[pericat]

yes to my son - i dont know beyond that - he is in the hospital - he just texted me

[tonyav]

peri, if the mother wont give you any rights to visit your new grandchild, I Can't see that you have any option than to get a solicitor involved.

[sara3]

he went? good for him. fingers crossed, peri xx

[pericat]

no i didnt say that - i dont know the girl - i presume if my son has access we will have also - anyway he is in the hospital now so we will see

[pericat]

am i right in thinking that a paternity test should be done ?

[dothawkes31]

well i think it is a result that he is at the hospital, i delivered my grandchild and i was stunned and amazed at the way babies are born , and i had had 3!!!! he will do well to watch and learn and witness the miracle cos it will change his outlook on life forever!!!!

[pericat]

well that cant be bad dot

[sara3]

I have to say, maybe a paternity test would be best but that's down to your son who will be paying for it.

I wouldn't suggest it immediately though..

[pericat]

no i know - will keep you posted - thanks for listening