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The other week I discovered that my recently widowed father is looking at internet porn sites. I've checked again, and it isn't an accident. So far as I can tell, these are all 'adult' sites and do not involve children but I'm concerned that he may have a problem. He is 86. I find it quite disturbing and distasteful but am not sure quite how to deal. Any ideas?
Answers
Perhaps the answer lies in an open discussion, as two adults. Personally I think Beagle is right to be concerned esp as Pa had a mailbox isse, which may be resulting from spam occurring as a result of visiting 'dodgy' sites. He may enjoy the hem-hem 'artistic nude' but possibly doesn't understand how scammers and con artists who can get to him online as a result....
09:24 Sat 09th Jan 2010
You find it distasteful, so you don't partake. Your choice. 86 is well over the age of majority so leave the man alone.
If he's using a family pc and this is showing up in the history then make sure he has his own account, password protect it, and walk away from the issue.
If he is using his own pc or already has his own account, then shame on you for snooping.
If he's using a family pc and this is showing up in the history then make sure he has his own account, password protect it, and walk away from the issue.
If he is using his own pc or already has his own account, then shame on you for snooping.
1. I wasn't snooping - he asked me to fix his mailbox which he was having problems with, and I googled some software and discovered the sites in the history folder.
2. I checked again because I thought it must be a mistake - he has always claimed to find it all a bit sick
3. I'm not proposing to stick my nose in, shoot him or be a pain - I'm just genuinely worried that someone who spends a lot of time looking at the stuff is going to have a distorted view of women and may get pulled into the nastier side like child porn which is illegal
2. I checked again because I thought it must be a mistake - he has always claimed to find it all a bit sick
3. I'm not proposing to stick my nose in, shoot him or be a pain - I'm just genuinely worried that someone who spends a lot of time looking at the stuff is going to have a distorted view of women and may get pulled into the nastier side like child porn which is illegal
Leave him alone to do whatever, it is his life and none of your business.He is probably very lonely, after the death of his wife and these sites may bring him solace.
Much later on if you think he is still viewing , you could tactfully explain just how costly some sites are, just by way of casual conversation.
Even tho he is 86 in body, in spirit at times he may feel about 20, nothing distateful or disturbing about that in my view.
Much later on if you think he is still viewing , you could tactfully explain just how costly some sites are, just by way of casual conversation.
Even tho he is 86 in body, in spirit at times he may feel about 20, nothing distateful or disturbing about that in my view.
Your father recently lost a wife he has lived with for many years. He is distressed, grieving and missing her company, even if they no longer had a sexual relationship. Perhaps they still did, of a kind. Looking at a porn site may seem a strange way of him finding some kind of emotional comfort but let him have his privacy
I should think at 86 your father has already had plenty of time to define how he sees women so at this point in his life I hardly think his view is going to be distorted. He's probably unlikely now to have much contact with them, so if he wants to spend his final years enjoying some little private fantasies about a time in his life long since past, let him do it without feeling guilty or being pried upon.
I should think at 86 your father has already had plenty of time to define how he sees women so at this point in his life I hardly think his view is going to be distorted. He's probably unlikely now to have much contact with them, so if he wants to spend his final years enjoying some little private fantasies about a time in his life long since past, let him do it without feeling guilty or being pried upon.
