sleepovers

[bubbly2000]

My daughter & her boyfriend are both 16 and have been together for a year. They are very smitten. She approached me recently and said they had been talking and wants to go on the pill, as they don't want to take risks as they are both very career orientated and have clear goals which they want to acheive. She asked if he could stay over, to which I agreed. She sleeps with me and he has the spare bed. Before I agreed to her staying at his, I met his family and they are nice respectable hardworking people. So everything should be fine, however, I have a partner of 3 yrs who does not live with me, and hes blown his top about the sleepovers, as he dosen't agree with kids having partners to stay under parents roofs. I suggested a compromise, that I wouldn't allow him to stay over on a night when he stayed, but he said no, not any night, regardless if it was out night or not. So wer'e at a stale mate and its causing so much tension. Help..Am I being a slack mother, I don't think I am, but would be grateful for anyones opinion

[lucca]

Bubbly - this man is very bad news. How dare he insult you by calling you slack with no morals? The fact that he is making you question your parenting skills shoul lead to a one-way ticket out of your door! I'd be proud to have a daughter like yours and the way that you are open with communication and understanding makes you a cracking mum. Shift this nasty bigoted bloke.

[Whoever]

I'm another rather old fasioned one who takes your partner's point of view. I think even if your daughter is prepared to be sensible and use the pill, I think 16 is too young for them to be in a sexual relationship, whether it's under her mother's roof or not. I can see no reason whatsoever why her boyfriend shouldn't sleep over under your roof, provided it's not in the same room as your daughter. Young people often flit quickly in and out of relationships at this age and I don't think it will do her any harm to wait a little longer before getting too deep into a relationship. Developing a little more emotional maturity on this issue may help her to make better judgements about the personalities and qualities of her boyfriends as time goes by.

[bubbly2000]

whoeva....I understand that they are still young, however they have known each other since the age of 11 as friends and have benn b/f-g/f for a yr now, they are very sensible, level headed kids who put their upcoming GCSE's first and foremost. They are career minded individuals who have no intention of being saddled with children themselves. I speak honestly and openly to both of them, as do his parents. She asked to go on the pill, just in case. I think prevention is better than cure. I think had my parner had the same open honest communication with his kids then they may not be in the terrible state they are. I do appreciate your views.

[bubbly2000]

vibrasphere....All you can do is be available should they need you. You can be open and honest, weather they take that advise is up to your children. I'm one of the lucky ones and have a fantastic relationship with her. I do feel quite sorry for my partner who dosen't have the same with his kids.

[nohorn]

Bubbly: I have an anwer for you. It accidentally got posted in society and culture under a bullying question. So could you flip over and read it? Thanks

[cherrychapstick]

this is nohorns answer:-

I agree, your partner has problems, get rid of him. Life is too short to have such a relationship. I see red flags all over the place. Be thankful you have the sense to question his behavior. You are the mother you want to be, your teenager is showing good judgement.

[jno]

bubbly, I don't necessarily go along with posts saying 'dump him'. It might be better for both of you if you could keep him and house-train him instead - not easy, but then dumping someone isn't easy either. But you do need to make it clear to him that you will stand by your daughter, and that any attempt by him to say 'it's her or me' isn't going to come out the way he wants.

Good luck. You sound like a fine mum.

[bubbly2000]

thankyou so much. I have basically said that and although everything isn't rosy, he absolutely realises that there isn't and never will be anyone that comes before my children. I can compromise and share but will not be dictated to.

[droopdrawers]

I think you would be well rid of the person you are calling your partner!!

I'm not in your shoes,but no way would an outsider have any influence on my decision about my children. End of story !!

[Sarah15]

shes your kid , so its your rules
just my oppinion =]
plus im 16 and if i wasnt allowed to have my boyfriend stay over i would end up staying at his , wouldnt you preffer your daughter under your roof, under your supervision?