Problems with ex-wife

[bobjugs12]

Hi there, here's something i'm struggling to figure out.

My ex wife left me for another man after she'd had a string of affairs whilst we were married. We've been apart for approx 8 months now and her new fella has moved in with her. I've also started a new relationship.

Now i see my kids every weekend (they live 100 miles away) and all three kids have said they want to live with me, not their mother. Even my ex has been forced to admit that the kids are happier and better behaved for me than they are for her. I have helped her with different aspects of discipline and rewards for the kids to make sure they get the best possible life.

So here's where the question comes in: She has recently started acting like my best mate, telling me all about her new relationship, phoning me whilst (she knew) I was on a night out with my new girlf to tell me she was having a miscarriage, telling me all about her new bloke crashing his car. Why? She slept with other men whilst I was deployed on operations with the military, and then left me for a meat-headed van-driver. Does she really think I care? Should I politely tell her to go forth and multiply, or just nod along blankly for the sake of peace and quiet? Or is there an ulterior motive here? Is she trying to hurt me by showing how great her life is now? Or, is this some form of attempt at reconcilliation?

Ideas or hints welcome. Thanks

[bobjugs12]

So strong men crying is weak? Really?

[Sqad]

Bob....maybe...depends upon the circumstances.

vibra...you don't mind if I ignore your comments, do you?

[Bbbananas]

Ignoring the dogfight that's going on between these two -
from a woman's point of view, seeing a strong man cry is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign they have feelings & emotions and aren't afraid to show them. That, to me, is a good sign...

(Unless you're blubbing at Nanny McPhee or Corrie on a regular basis - that's not so good)

[ummmm]

Hey Salla...Marty cries when I cry. Which is a lot....

Vibra....no need.

[Pottyone]

Its a shame we can't just stick to the question in hand here instead of all this bickering! Bob, maybe you should be patient but firm, keep reassuring your girlfriend, and see if ex pulls back a bit. Whilst it is important to put your girlfriend first, it is also important that she sees the dilemma you are in re the kids. If she can't see it then she may also not be the right one (sorry if that sounds tactless - just my thoughts). New partners have to deal with all sorts of crap, and her heart has to be in it too, unfortunately. Take it from someone who has been there. Make sure your kids really know you love them. Make sure you tell them. My stepson saw the light in the end and knows which is the decent parent and step parent.

[NoMercy]

I'll never forget the image of a big burly man crying as Princess Diana's funeral cortege went past. I didn't take that to be a sign of weakness... more a sign of being human.

[Robinia]

Well said Pottyone..
Bob, I don't think you're weak & I realise you don't want to antagonise her .... you ask us why she might be doing this but have you actually asked her? Have you told her you don't really understand why she's suddenly confiding in you in this way?

I apologise if I've missed it, I kind of lost it a bit amongst all the quibbling

[Bbbananas]

My soon-to-be-ex cried only three times in the entire 16 years I knew him.
Once when his mother died, once after he'd been banned from the marital home after he'd hit me, the other when I left him for good.

My first husband cried only the once in almost the same amount of words - when his dog died. I might have found it heartwarming, but the horrible b@st@rd had shot him himself in a temper....

[ummmm]

But Vibra.....it's you sounding bitter. He's entitled to his opinion and hasn't thrown insults at you.

[Bbbananas]

Pottyone - I agree. Kids aren;t daft, and as they grow up & realise what life is all about, they will decide for themselves who is decent & loving and who is just selfish.

[NoMercy]

Salla... your husband shot his dog in temper??? That's a wicked thing to do....

bobjugs... if you sense your ex is trying to let you know how good her life is now, just tell her how pleased you are that she is moving on and that you hope it all works out for her in her new relationship. And just casually mention that you are doing the same.

[bobjugs12]

Ok sqad fair point. If it is over the latest heartbreaking storyline in Hollyoakes then i'll grant you. But that wasn't what you implied in your post (unless you work for channel 4 and hide in peoples telly's to watch their reactions).

And I still can't see what is weak about this situation. Going back to the she-beast would be weak. Giving in to her demands or the rest of my life would weak. Rolling over and taking it whilst she dry-humps me would be weak as well.
Conversely.
Giving up some more of my life to improve the life of my kids. Letting her dribble on at me so I can have the chance to take my children out this weekend. Gritting my teeth and just cracking on to the benefit of the three most important things in my world. Are these things weakness as well?

[Bbbananas]

ok vibes - you've made your point !
Bob - I have a hunch you will do exactly the right thing.... by all. I hope this thread has helped?

[Sqad]

bob...............it is not the situation that I am calling "weak" it is your response to the situation.......in my opinion.....and that requires immediate and decisive decision making.

In my opinion.

Perhaps I have not expressed myself clearly and for that I apologise.

[snags]

vibra... come here and let me hug you... weep if you need to... I have tissues, not issues...