Just wondering ..

[sherrardk]

At what age would you leave one of your children at home alone while you did the school run (about 20 minutes) or went to the local shop? Thanks.

[what..the?]

crazy, if I was head teacher and some new pupils came because they were bullied else where my doors would be open, the bullied are always friendly, quiet, well behaved, the best pupils, but I suppose some hitler head teachers might see them as trouble just moving in, they will see them as walking victims and will soon become their problem.I suppose there is too ways people might look at it,

Annie, have your tried red balloon I saw them on a tv docu

http://www.redballoonlearner.co.uk/

[what..the?]

Yes that letter to the head would be good,

is there an open day both mums and boys could go to and then go for a coffee?

[sherrardk]

Hi Annie - if you don't get a space, you used to be able to appeal if the school you want to go to does a GCSE course that your child just HAS to do that is not offered at the school you have been given a place at.

[annie0000]

we are in scotland - slightly different system, we have to apply between this August and January next year and they will give us a decision in March, we can then choose to appeal, re-apply to the same school, apply for another school or take up the space in the catchment school. we can only apply for one school at a time. This all goes to the council. we don't have LEAs The form doesn't really allow for a lot of info and you get extra points for being a single parent (we are not) having a sibling in the school (we haven't) then it is based on distance (there is a whole other primary closer to that school than we are). 2 years ago they had only 10 spaces available to offer to children outwith the catchment. I expect that to be less next year due to year 2000 higher birth rate. Slightly more chance for us at catholic school. We have a good Irish name which may help too!!

[sherrardk]

Good luck with it all Annie - I used to work as a senior teacher in a very popular, over-subscribed school and I know how hard it is for parents who can't get their child into the right school (and how strict the guidelines are for the schools/LEAs).

[annie0000]

and you are right about being a good pupil, but that counts for nothing apparently - it doesn't come into the criteria at all.

The fact that he has never lost a minute of golden time, reads 2-3 years above his age, does well in all subjects and has had perfect attendance for the last 4 years is not considered. In fact, the bully ringleader lives slightly closer to the school than we do so technically would have a better chance of getting in than we do - it's terrible isn't it? Anyway, we are going to make appointments at the schools to view them anyway in the hope that if it comes down to a 50/50 decision it might just help to have it fall our way. Failing that we have thought about buying a 2 bed flat in the catchment area and one of us moving in and saying we have split up!

[sherrardk]

Hi Annie - you have to be careful about doing things like that. If you get caught after your child has got a place they can expel him (and other parents will grass you up if they get a chance). They are ruthless about these things.

[annie0000]

i know sher - the thing is if it was for snobbery or purely academic reasons, I wouldn't let me in either :o) I'm not really into queue jumping, However, I just cant just sit and watch and see his teenage years ruined when I can do something about it.

[sherrardk]

Hi Annie - not having a go, just I have seen it from both sides. We took our eldest out of school because we were so peed off with it but also I have experience of the lengths that parents will go to and what the consequences are if they get caught out. Just making you aware that they are canny about this sort of thing and other parents can be very spiteful. Hope it all works out well for you and your boy. x

[yizzy]

Think as long as they know the rules about fire ,opening the door etc and you both have a mob phone at hand it would be fine. Have a talk to them and tell them that you trust them to behave while you are out

[annie0000]

yes, I know sher - i guess our real fall back is actually moving, but nothing selling here at the moment and no guarantee that his friend would get in then too and then we'd be left with him going up to high school with nobody - why does it have to be so bloody hard?????

[what..the?]

when i went to high school there were a few people from my primary that went to the same school but they put you in random 'form' groups there were pupils from schools all over the county going here and we were all mixed I think there was 1 person from my primary in my class that was it, you are expected to find new friends within your form group which you then spend the whole first year with them in every class, then in the second year they place people in classes depending on ability, if your son is clever then he won't be with the stupid trouble makers. This is the way it works in midland schools I went to, the only reason I got bullied was because the high school where I made all new friends at I had to leave and move house I then joined in year 2 at another school when everyone else were already friends plus it was not a very supportive school like the last one which was a great C of E school

[weas]

16!! you take the wrap for what happens

[annie0000]

That's a shame what..the? I hope that you have been able to get over it because you do sound like a lovely person. To be fair, that's what I thought too, that within school he probably wont have too much to do with them anyway. What worrys me more is the walk back and forward. It is a fair walk and the only short cut is a path that takes you across a railway line - you just open the gate and walk across if the light is green, but there is nothing to stop you crossing if it is red. The boys live in the same estate as us so would naturally walk the same way. I feel it is too big a risk. I could take him and pick him up by car but do think he should be able to have some independence at that age. If he went to either of the other schools he could travel by school bus with the other pupils. In particular the catholic high school, as it is the only one in the area, has a large catchment and the bus passes the end of the road and also operates a different timetable, earlier start and finish. Hmmm decisions.

[what..the?]

Yes i think obviously a differnt school to the bullies but regards him going 'potientally' on his own because his other friend gets into another school then what I am saying is there's nothing to say joining a new school fresh faced with all new people is a bad thing, as everyone is in the same situation. Just make sure he doesn't go a day or two late because he will miss out on the first friendships. Travelling by bus is ok as long as he joins at the start of school with everyone else like I say. At my first school the bus was fun, at my second school it was an enclosed space to be bullied more and the bus drivers did nothing, The key is lots of new people and letting him out the horse gates the same time as everyone else = friendships, and of course dress him well, make sure his stationary is good but not too good, not got too much money on him etc, you don't want to attract problems

[what..the?]

the whole 'different timetable' sounds great

[annie0000]

good advice there, that was our thought that it would be a fresh start. What we are working with the psycholigist about is his demeanor. He tends to skulk about trying not to be noticed which has exactly the opposite effect. He stands out like a sore thumb. if he moves up like that, he might as well have victim tatooed on his forehead. It is the psychologist that has said she wants him to go with a friend so that at least he has someone to walk about with. His friends are mostly quiet like him and they have all had bother with the same boys. Out of the original bunch of 5 bullies, 2 have already moved away and we have heard that a 3rd is too. That leaves the ringleader and one henchman. The odds are now more in my son and his friends favour, but that doesn't mean a thing when their confidence is shattered.

[annie0000]

re the clothes and things, we are very careful to ensure that what he wears and has "is right" compared to what other kids have. He does wear glasses which he is a bit self consious about and has expressed an interest in getting contacts which we will persue to see if they would be suitable for him, anything to make sure that he feels comfortable with himself. He is a bit better than he was so maybe we are getting there and we do still have a year and bit to get him ready to go. Has all this put you off being a parent yet? lol

[what..the?]

yes a understand what you say about him being quiet and trying not to be noticed, bullies see that as an instant victim, the ones that talk up for themselves and get involved in things are too bigger risk for bullies to target. How are you working on building his confidence?

[annie0000]

Just the early stages at the moment what..the? Trying to get him to voice his opinion more, reminding him regularly about the things he is good at (praise, praise praise!!) and telling him that he is loved. He is already involved in lots of extra curricular activities and has recently moved up from Cubs to Scouts and this is good for him as he is mixing with older boys. Outwith school he is better but not brilliant, the thing they are most surprised about which doesn't surprise me at all is that at school, he has very strict rules and routines for himself and he is very precise about laying all his stuff out on his desk and arranging his things in the cloakroom. at home he is a messy pup. to me he obviously needs to create his own bubble at school and the organising of his things makes it "his space" he doesn't need to do that at home cos he is more relaxed. We are very careful about what we say to him and about him when he is in earshot. Also giving him as much responsibility and control as he will take and encouraging him to make his own choices about clothes, activities, money etc. He will now actually use the phone to call his friend which is progress too. Luckily he has a very stable home life with both his parents at home and happily married so I think the odds are in his favour. The downside is that although we both come from large families, nobody lives nearby and I guess we are not really that close. He only has one grandparent too. They say that having an extended family helps with confidence. Next meeting is middle of March so may get some more things then.