Just wondering ..

[sherrardk]

At what age would you leave one of your children at home alone while you did the school run (about 20 minutes) or went to the local shop? Thanks.

[what..the?]

I never had a supportive family, if anything they always ignored me or were abusive towards me, so you are doing all the right stuff there. I can't recommend anything else really, do they have any of those military clubs/groups for children near you, what are they called can't remember?? They would have some rough and ready types in, I feel he needs to be tested and thrown into situations before high school to build up his reserves?

[annie0000]

They have Cadets, but you need to be 12 and in High school - looked into it before as younger son wanted to join the army which would not be a good idea for him given his rather volatile temperament lol - I thought it would show him the error of his ambitions! The school he goes to at the moment has a mixture of children from a pretty rough council estate and our private estate. He does have a couple of friends from "over the road" but they are quiet kids too. His one noisy outgoing friend is one of the few who flits between all the different factions, he does enjoy playing with my son and his friends but also likes playing football with the rougher boys - he's a bit of a social butterfly! He goes to Scouts with my boy and they shared a tent when they camped together. He sat beside my son for a while a couple of years ago when the teacher he had for that year decided that her energies were best served in trying to bring my son out of his shell rather than concentrating on his academic abilities - sadly she was only a probabtionary teacher and left after a year as she was remarkably astute. She said that the day he put his hand up in class to answer a question of his own volution was the day she would consider that she has succeded with him. he has done Judo for quite a few years, he swims very well and is going to try out for the swimming club in the summer. He did rugby and football but his eyesight lets him down and he now looks like a fish out of water so we told him he didn't need to go if he didn't want to - he seemed to feel obliged to go and we thought that he enjoyed it cos he never said otherwise! He also goes to out of school care during the holidays and has done those outdoor activities centre things - some of the kids that go there are pretty rough and ready and he copes fine. The boys that bully my son come from our estate in the main.

[annie0000]

its a shame about your family what..the? At least you seem to have risen above that and made a life for yourself despite them. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger eh?

[what..the?]

very true. I just disconnected myself from them about 3 years ago, after I had too much, I now have no real family to talk of but I have my bf and thats enough for me, plus I can be very independent because I always had to be growing up so I left home as soon as I could and life has been better since, I just move up the chain of life, getting education, job, relationship, first house and I try not to look back, even with everything there is probably people out there who have had worse.

Yes i think you do have to be careful around him and what is said because children are very sensitive and if he is 'classed' as bullied and/or seeking 'help' it may make him embarrassed or ashamed....?

[annie0000]

I agree totally - as far as he is concerned, we asked him if it would be helpful to have someone give him some ways that he could help himself to feel more confident and he agreed that he would like that. He needs to feel empowered that he is helping himself, he has no idea that we are also doing things to help him. What he and the psycholgist discuss and do is his business. he knows we care as we set it up for him but he needs to feel more in control of his own life. He did bark at his brother the other day "your not the boss of me" it made me smile.

[what..the?]

lol great....not to be funny but often don't the kids that misbehave have parents that let them do what ever they want and buckle in arguments, would it be safe to create situations in the home which he wins over you to en power him?

[hannah40]

my daughter is 7 and i have been to the corner shop and left her 6mins there and back while she was glued to disney channel i dont cross any roads and the shop is literally a few doors down the road.if the house caught fire while i was out im sure she can open the front door and run down the road 5 doors and find me.i could be in the bath which is right at the other end of the house and the house could catch fire and thats further away than the coop!!

[joko]

if you intend to keep doing this, i would suggest creating some sort of document with info for him, just in case, phone numbers, addresses etc plus perhaps talk through with him what to do in the event of an emergency...even make notes too - you can probably get something online or from the st johns ambulance place or somethign

remember what might seem 'obvious; to an adult is not the same for a child...explain it throughly

if nothing else it will put your mind at ease somewhat