Home & Garden9 mins ago
Had a good chat with my aunty
16 Answers
Re: the ongoing argument at home. I honestly think i should mabye see some one and chat with them cos the next time it kicks off at home i dont think i can control myself :0( i know it sounds far fetched but this has been years and years and years of the same old sh1t and its not going to change..... :0(
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Murry sorry i had posted earlier in family.
Ummm december-- still the prob of job shortages though!!
Society- in last few posts ive said mainly she likes to try to control. Its really awful. My aunt (her sisters) theres not a huge age gap between us you could say were like sisters, they both understand that she is difficult but shes a good person.
People always look from the outside and say but you have everything! Which i do, and always have had- material wise- but it dosent make things ok and her need to controll. I said in last post about her reading diaries when i was younger, somehow recently acessing my facebook, noticed shed searched my mates too, she is obsessed with me going out at weekends..if i dont its ww3!!! Would think nothing of texting or calling my mates, boyfriend, boyfriends mum (now ex....it used to drive him mad).....i could go on :0(
Ummm december-- still the prob of job shortages though!!
Society- in last few posts ive said mainly she likes to try to control. Its really awful. My aunt (her sisters) theres not a huge age gap between us you could say were like sisters, they both understand that she is difficult but shes a good person.
People always look from the outside and say but you have everything! Which i do, and always have had- material wise- but it dosent make things ok and her need to controll. I said in last post about her reading diaries when i was younger, somehow recently acessing my facebook, noticed shed searched my mates too, she is obsessed with me going out at weekends..if i dont its ww3!!! Would think nothing of texting or calling my mates, boyfriend, boyfriends mum (now ex....it used to drive him mad).....i could go on :0(
Well...my dad usuallu ALWAYS takes her side...always!! He had a word last night but she wont change. My gran has tried too, and her sisters.
She always pulls the card that i am cheeky to her- but hence my post before..i know shes my mum and deservs respect but she goes waaaaaay beyond normality and therefore tries my patience and i snap.
Yknow im not proud of it, but i can be rude sometimes to her and im not rude natured at all quite the opposite but i feel like its ingrained in me now after years and years of this i dont even know now that i am dismissing her. My aunt said to my other aunt that there must be a reason why i can be like that and i honestly think its resentment for all the [email protected]
She always pulls the card that i am cheeky to her- but hence my post before..i know shes my mum and deservs respect but she goes waaaaaay beyond normality and therefore tries my patience and i snap.
Yknow im not proud of it, but i can be rude sometimes to her and im not rude natured at all quite the opposite but i feel like its ingrained in me now after years and years of this i dont even know now that i am dismissing her. My aunt said to my other aunt that there must be a reason why i can be like that and i honestly think its resentment for all the [email protected]
This ingrained behaviour is very difficult to change, especially as you under one roof.
Have you ever though to compose a well thought out letter, detailing the fact that you love her, but why does she read diaries, check texts etc as you are grown now. Keep it clear and polite and end with an offer to sit down with a drink to discuss strategies.
When my youngest daughter and I were going through a rough patch, she did this and it really helped.
Have you ever though to compose a well thought out letter, detailing the fact that you love her, but why does she read diaries, check texts etc as you are grown now. Keep it clear and polite and end with an offer to sit down with a drink to discuss strategies.
When my youngest daughter and I were going through a rough patch, she did this and it really helped.
May be an idea mamma. Im close to this aunt and i got a bit upset earlier i dont knoe how many of the same type of call iv had to her and my other.
Our day to day relationship is probobly strained. Id never go for lunch/ shopping/ cinema with her. I feel so awful saying it but i dread having kids she would be choosing names to telling me how to bring them up!! I dread ever getting married! Funny my gran soooo isnt like that. I think my resentment goes waaay back...which is why i said to my aunt "god...do u think i should speak to someone"..... Even contemplating it makes me feel like a looney :0( i could type here all night regarding this.
Shes a good person, would give me her last coin. And has done. But i cant stand this interfering. Its been going on since i can remember.
And sometimes material things were given when i was little as a "sorry" .... X
Our day to day relationship is probobly strained. Id never go for lunch/ shopping/ cinema with her. I feel so awful saying it but i dread having kids she would be choosing names to telling me how to bring them up!! I dread ever getting married! Funny my gran soooo isnt like that. I think my resentment goes waaay back...which is why i said to my aunt "god...do u think i should speak to someone"..... Even contemplating it makes me feel like a looney :0( i could type here all night regarding this.
Shes a good person, would give me her last coin. And has done. But i cant stand this interfering. Its been going on since i can remember.
And sometimes material things were given when i was little as a "sorry" .... X
No den im an only child....but my aunt has noticed if she says her kids arent going out at weekend (age 13 ) she always makes out as if "why"
I mean when i said i was having a night in she screwed her face up as if there was some sort of bad smell and is saying why?
Cos i dont want too...
But why?
I just dont!
I bet all ur pals r out u should b out u r a young woman
Theyre not
I dont believe u
Bla bla bla !!
I mean when i said i was having a night in she screwed her face up as if there was some sort of bad smell and is saying why?
Cos i dont want too...
But why?
I just dont!
I bet all ur pals r out u should b out u r a young woman
Theyre not
I dont believe u
Bla bla bla !!
Tink.. I know how it must feel.. your mum interfering the whole time... She probably does it out of love for you...
My mum was the same... constant nosing in my business...
Opening my mail... listening in on phone calls.. curtain twitching when a friend would drop me home...
as a result i became even more secretive and more determined to have some privacy.. and we are not really close now (I am 36!)
She even went as far to ask a boyfriend whether we had sex or not!!! (I hasten to add I am now married to him!)
Just be careful what you leave lying around.. and console yourself with the fact that one day you will be moving out to live somewhere else!!!
Your mum obviously cant help herself.. and is nosy and controlling by nature.
If you give in to it - she will not change..
If you kick against it - she will probably get worse...
I know its not great advice.. but you probably cant change her! Just make yourself a promise you wont be like that too one day!
My mum was the same... constant nosing in my business...
Opening my mail... listening in on phone calls.. curtain twitching when a friend would drop me home...
as a result i became even more secretive and more determined to have some privacy.. and we are not really close now (I am 36!)
She even went as far to ask a boyfriend whether we had sex or not!!! (I hasten to add I am now married to him!)
Just be careful what you leave lying around.. and console yourself with the fact that one day you will be moving out to live somewhere else!!!
Your mum obviously cant help herself.. and is nosy and controlling by nature.
If you give in to it - she will not change..
If you kick against it - she will probably get worse...
I know its not great advice.. but you probably cant change her! Just make yourself a promise you wont be like that too one day!
Nosha thank u for understanding it really helps to know its not just me!!
Im struggling to contain myself honestly. I always feel awful that we dont have that nice mother daughter relationship...we never will have!! But i KNOW ill never ever be like that with my kids if i have any which i hope i do. I really wont.
Ive defo seen re-sealed mail!! So annoying.....and it would be easy to say " yesh im going to wherever with whoever" but i think my defence kicks in and i dont even want to say where im going EVER...natural i think when my privacy has been totally invaded and in turn i come across as rude and that causes arguments too.
Im trying to hold down uni and work aswell its so overwhelming. Your comment was great thank u xxxxx
Im struggling to contain myself honestly. I always feel awful that we dont have that nice mother daughter relationship...we never will have!! But i KNOW ill never ever be like that with my kids if i have any which i hope i do. I really wont.
Ive defo seen re-sealed mail!! So annoying.....and it would be easy to say " yesh im going to wherever with whoever" but i think my defence kicks in and i dont even want to say where im going EVER...natural i think when my privacy has been totally invaded and in turn i come across as rude and that causes arguments too.
Im trying to hold down uni and work aswell its so overwhelming. Your comment was great thank u xxxxx
My mum was not an easy person to live with - her moods were totally unpredictable. I just couldn't cope with her and I left home when I was 22. She wasn't a bad person - but she still made my life hell at times.
She always wanted to be a granny - she died in 1996 and it wasn't until 2004 that the first of her grandchildren arrived. It would have been really great for her to have lived long enough to see her three grandchildren (all my brother's) but I think that she would have been totally unable to interfere and cause total bedlam to my brother and his wife.
Even if you are blowing the problem all out of rational proportion (in hindsight - years from now you might see that) living in an unhappy and stressful environment each day is hard on both you and your mum. If at all possible try and talk it through with her - maybe take an impartial referee with you, try and work out what it is that she thinks she is looking for by snooping around etc
Living alone has quite a few advantages - nobody to p155 you off is one of the main ones.
Susan
She always wanted to be a granny - she died in 1996 and it wasn't until 2004 that the first of her grandchildren arrived. It would have been really great for her to have lived long enough to see her three grandchildren (all my brother's) but I think that she would have been totally unable to interfere and cause total bedlam to my brother and his wife.
Even if you are blowing the problem all out of rational proportion (in hindsight - years from now you might see that) living in an unhappy and stressful environment each day is hard on both you and your mum. If at all possible try and talk it through with her - maybe take an impartial referee with you, try and work out what it is that she thinks she is looking for by snooping around etc
Living alone has quite a few advantages - nobody to p155 you off is one of the main ones.
Susan
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