Whats The Point In Buying And Owning A Property?

[renegadefm]

Just recently lost My dad. He worked hard all his life and passed away at 91.

But worked hard to buy the family home. Poor Mum is faced with having to leave the family home as she needs someone with her 24/7 something we are too stretched to provide, as we all got jobs etc ourselves.

So this will mean the family home will have to be sold to pay the care home for my Mum to move into. 

The issue from my point of view, is what was the point of owning a home, for it all to be gone towards a care home?

I'm pretty sure when Dad was younger he would have wanted to pass it onto me or sister to keep it in the family, but sadly now that won't happen. 

The way the system is set up is all wrong because if we knew then what we know now I would have had a mortgage and bought my home, and I'm pretty sure Dad wouldn't have either. 

If you rent a property theres less stress because if something needs fixing you contact the landlord. But I realise there are risks from renting too, for example the landlord might sell, and we could be terfed out. 

But what really is the point of owning a property, something that took a lifetime to purchase, only for it to be taken off you in a situation like we are faced with now? 

[barry1010]

Your mother could take equity release on her house 

[renegadefm]

barry1010, 

Sorry I did explain in an earlier post, that its pointless me moving in with Mum because of my shift work, I work night shifts as well as days. 

Plus my house is only a 2 bed house, and there is daughter and partner and myself, its not possible. 

[Barmaid]

does your mother really need care? With only mild dementia, she might do rather better in a retirement property with a warden. She has only recently lost her spouse of many years and she will potentially feeling lonely and lacking in confidence as well as grief stricken. When my grandfather died, my grandmother (his wife of 71 years), was bereft and could not cope. With support and help she lived a further 5 years independently.

[rowanwitch]

The point is the money is there to provide for a significant need ... It means your mum has choices regarding where she is cared for rather than what the local council will provide.  Yes it's nice for family to inherit a share but some things are more important.

[renegadefm]

Barmaid, 

We did chat about that, but we don't think that will work, as Mum has become extremely needy. 

I will give one example, one night we all stayed the night at Mums but I had to leave 6am for work, and then by 8am my partner had to temporarily leave Mum on her own to take our daughter to school, but she didn't want to be left alone, not even for an hour until partner could come back to Mum. 

So partner ended up having to take Mum on the school run. Honestly I can't tell you how stressful the past 4 weeks have been for us all. 

[DDIL]

How big is your mothers house?

[renegadefm]

rowanwitch, 

I wasn't interested in inheriting a share. I just find it painful that the family home will be gone. Once its gone its gone.

And to think I have to drive past it every day, so seeing other people in it will hurt me badly. 

Its been in my life over 50 years. 

[renegadefm]

DDIL, 

4 bedroom house, two lounges. 

But I can't move in there with Mum as I mentioned before I work shift work, it would mean I wouldn't be there at night some weeks. And gone 6am in the mornings I am day shifts. 

Its just impossible. 

[Barmaid]

It's 4 weeks since she lost her husband. Has the funeral even happened yet? It's really early days and the shock will be immense for her.

In a warden controlled retirement complex, there is always someone there. That is the point of them.

[renegadefm]

Barmaid, 

Funeral was last Wednesday. 

Honestly Mum only wants family around her, hence why she has become so clingy to us. 

She would not like a warden checking in on her as its someone she doesn't know. Trust me we did concider that option but it wouldn't work for Mum. 

[ladybirder]

Surely she would soon get used to people checking on her.  So many people have to and have got used to it.

[Barmaid]

She has undergone a massive change to her life 4 weeks ago and you are all still grieving. Do not be too hasty.

Does your mother have an LPA?

[rowanwitch]

From recent experience... When you go into a care home attendance allowance stops, if you stay out in the community you keep it but it is included in the calculation for care charges

A full care and health  needs assessment will determine if your mum will get the  healthcare ( nursing) component of the charges covered. Social worker should arrange this.   

It seems that your mum doesn't yet fulfil the criteria for what used to be called part three  residential care, rather she sounds at the level of extra care sheltered where a warden on site provides more support than normal sheltered which can simply be provided by a careline type  phone service.

If you choose as a family to go down the full residential route earlier than the criteria suggest you probably won't get much help, and

Btw... My mum ended up as a funded resident she had worked her whole life apart from the few years my dad was alive, she never earned enough to buy her own home, she wasn't irresponsible, she just didn't have the life chances some do.  For the time she was in the nursing home all but about £30 p.w.  of her pension and pension credit were taken by the home towards her fees. Luckily the home was very nice,  but out of her familiar  area so only my sister could visit easily, and as a funded resident she had a smaller room, without an ensuite, and on a noisy corridor.  Some of the self funders had lovely rooms, with access to enclosed gardens.

 

  

 

[Barmaid]

Her going into a home will mean no family all around her and you only able to visit in their visiting times. Sounds as if she'd hate that too.

[Rosetta]

As its only been 4 weeks she, and  you , are still in a state of shock and loss so its understandable that she is so needy as you describe it. She needs time, and your support, for her to recover from what are the worst days of her life. Now is not the time to be making any hasty decisions which could impact on the whole of her future. Bear with her as best you can and remember you are grieving too. She has not only lost her dear husband but part of herself and her old life. Best wishes to you all, it is still very raw

[DDIL]

I appreciate that you work shifts, but your partner will be there and your sister could bop in and out, at least you would have a chance of holding onto your hard earned inheritance.

[Barmaid]

When my grandfather died, my grandmother was living alone.  Her only child was at least 30 mins away and her only three grandchildren from 30 mins to an hour away.  She was on the phone to one or all of us daily, several times a day and often in a state of distress.  Initially, we thought that she would have to go into a home.  We made sure that a) she was visited several times a week b) there was ALWAYS someone on the end of a phone c) we would make sure that she was called at least once a day d) we organised a cleaner and a gardener for her e) we made sure that on a regular basis one of us took her out.  It took several months before the tearful, needy calls stopped, but in due course they did and she found her way.  She only went into a home 3 months before she died (just short of her 98th birthday) and then only because she was falling with such alarmingy regularity she was at risk but she enjoyed almost a further 5 years in her own home.  

[renegadefm]

Rosetta, 

I know but the past 4 weeks since Dad died have been a tremendous strain on us all to be there for Mum. 

We simply can't physically keep this up.  

I want what is best for Mum in fact we all do, but what exactly that is, I doubt will be decided until the new year. But at the moment I can't see whats going to happen tomorrow, let alone after Christmas. 

[Barmaid]

Do you have an LPA for her?  And if you do not, does she actually have the capacity to sell?

Have you sought legal advice about the property?  Ie, was there a will?  Was it owned as joint tenants or as tenants in common?  It may well be worth having a chat with a solicitors since it is possible that you could do a Deed of Variation.  Whilst it is not guaranteed that the local authority will not challenge it (it is a clear deprivation at this stage), it is worth seeking advice on it.  There are many variables which I cannot set out here, but it would be worth taking such advice.

[Khandro]

I haven't read all through this thread, but NJ at 15:30 seems to sum up the situaton it well.