Alrighty!!!!!!!! COOL PICTURE!!!!!...... *screammmmmm* so.... hmmmmm, and you're in England?.....do you think you may need to call the local zoo, or mail them that piccy like now.....
Well, that's the mystery solved.
It's a common british spider which, although dangerous to bugs, is harmless to humans.
Which is really good news cuz the family are huddled indoors protecting themselves with brooms and pan lids etc.
Hi check this link or type in Agelena labarynthica (The tunnel web spider) into google. These do exist in the UK. I am pretty certain I have just found one in a hole in my garage wall, its a fairly agressive little thing. I found your question when looking for the answer to the very same question myself.