Work Shy???

[jibjab]

Hi, I may be being extremely naive here but I have now been with my girflfriend for 2 years and love her very much....

There is just one nagging issue though, SHE CANT KEEP A JOB!! since leaving school with no decent GCSE results, she has had various jobs but none have lasted. She studied hairdressing but didnt qualify because she was always bunking off. Since then she had a job in a hair salon (which she quit after 1 day) because of the wage they were offering (�50 a week) and now she is working as a waitress she is saying she is gonna quit because the hours are too much (again, after ONE day). My problem is, she doesnt persist with things or give things a chance, I want us to live well and not have to worry about money, but it appears increasingly likely that she will ever find a career. sShe is 20 now, will she ever change her attitude towards work????

All I was getting last night was " If we dont see eachother for three weeks, theres no point us being together"

So she is threatening to lose this job too because she will never see me!! She finds a problem with EVERY job she gets, and it is beginning to grate on me.

I just want to know really wether she is actually work shy or she has genuine reasons for not working????

What do all think???

[loobie]

Hi JibJab,

Answering your question honestly I think she sounds like a bit of a lazy bum. The way you wrote about her made me think she was about 17 so I was quite shocked that she was 20. She needs to realise that work is long, hard and repetative but it's what we have to do to live. She also needs to understand that it is extremely hard to go straight into a well paid job. I think she needs to have a look at what she wants to do with her life and look at every option.

As for the comment about not seeing you because of the job - that really is the most pathetic excuse. My boyfriend and I both work. He works a mixture of days and nights and I work five days a week. We see each other as much as we can and never not for three weeks. Everything is about making the effort and it doesn't seem like your girlfriend can be bothered to do this.

Just one question I have for you - do you give her money at all and support her?

I think she needs to grow up a bit and realise that in this day and age we have to work to survive. Hope this helps and hope you can sort it out.

[laurence2]

i would'nt call it work shy. when you start on the career/job ladder its more than likely your be on the minimum wage so to speak, you need to focus on what career your girlfriend wants to pursue as going from one job to another is not the way forward, qualifications are not the be all and end all tho would be benificial. what does she want out of life, to be successful, have children, nice house etc, these all cost money. or is it the couch potato/benefits lifestyle. theirs many couples that don,t see each other for most of the week due to shift work/working away etc, so when you do see each other its better quality time. its life you want the good things you earn them, she needs to get MOTIVATED knuckle down or it won,t be just a job she'll be looking for, ie new boyfriend.

[joko]

try a temping agency - she can't complain as the jobs are usually only short term so she will be changing regularly.

It seems like she has no skills so suggest she goes on some courses - nightschool, one day a week etc to do literacy, IT, numeracy, secretarial whatever, etc etc

and stop keeping her - she will soon want to work if she has no money

[noxlumos]

Some people are very driven and some couldn't care less and spend their whole lives on the dole just getting up late and not really bothering about anything by choice. If you are very driven and she is not then you have a problem because that's unlikely to change in your favour.What you need to find out is what would she like to do? I can't say I blame her not being enthusiastic about the �50 a week job, but she does need to find her direction sooner rather than later.Would she be better suited working for herself? Some businesses cost nothing to set up and although it can be hard work all of the money is yours and you see something growing that you have created.She may also just be tired and depressed rather than just work shy. The only person you'll get the truth from is her, so talk about your long term future and see where she sees it all going.

[jennifer_cro]

A member of my family (who shall remain annonymous) is exactly like this. Going from job to job and jacking it in when things don't go her way. She is now 26 and has found her ideal solution out of getting another job..she has had a baby!

Sorry this post probably doesn't help at all, just need to get it off my chest!

[laurence2]

understand where your coming from jennifer, as we will all see the TAX/N.I reductions in our payslips this week.

ps, sorry needed to get that of my chest also

[WendyS]

To be honest, it does rather sound as if she's work shy. Perhaps she's quite happy having somebody else to support her. If she hasn't got the grit to stick with a job for very long, even to support herself, how long is it going to be before she gets fed up with you too when things start going wrong or outside factors put pressure on your relationshyip? (Even like being apart for a while?. Sounds as if it's started already.

Of course this attitude is beginning to grate on you if you're a hard working guy (and possibly not even enjoying your own job all the time either). Just try and imagine what it's going to be like if she's still like this in 20 years time and you've made the unfortunate mistake of marrying somebody who just wanted a meal ticket?

Do yourself a favour and find somebody else who's worthy of you and prepared to work with you in an equal partnership. And for heaven's sake make sure that she doesn't get pregnant until you've sorted this issue out in your own mind, otherwise she will get that meal ticket whether you like it or not and your Child Support contribution will ensure she never has to work again. Tough advice yes, but I've have been around long enough to see how some people get really taken to the cleaners. Make sure you're not one of them.

[lady_p_gold]

I have got to admit I do not have a lot of patience with people like this ... maybe they can't help it or its their character or something but it does not bode well for those around them who are expected to slog away paying the bills .....

[Scarlett]

Some people take a long time to realise their calling in life. No wonder she doesn't want to do badly paid, hard jobs. I wouldn't much want to be a full time hairdresser on �50 a week, waitress or whatever. She may just need some guidance- plus she has probably "switched off" to there being any hope of her getting a fun or interesting job because she did badly at school. It is possible for her to do whatever she likes (except maybe be a doctor or something), she just needs to find out what she would most love to do, and focus on getting there.

She could just be the type who have no desire to have a career, in which case, maybe a family is what she wants. I have a pal like this- she begrudgingly did her A Levels, resits and then went to uni, but dropped after a terms worth of drugs. She never realy wanted to do A levels or university. She then hung around doing short term menial jobs, and is now finally pregnant- which is what she always wanted. Some people are just not up for having a job. In the past no women were expected to have a career- maybe she is a throwback from those times.