Shared Residency...Again!

[Pippa68]

I recently posted regarding my 14 year old stepdaugher wishing to enter into a shared residency situation rather than the current contact order (made 12 years ago) which entitles her to contact with her father every other weekend. Mr Pippa mentioned this to his ex wife at the weekend ~ and to put it mildly she went ballistic..stating that no court in the land would agree to it. We received a phone call from stepdaughter half an hour later saying that her mum had gone out. It transpired she was at her mothers house seeking advice. Maternal grandmother phoned stepdaughter and told her she was 'severely hurting her mum' and stepdaughter has intimated she no longer wants to proceed as grandmother and mother have vowed to annihilate us in court. After another phone call, stepdaughter changed her mind again and said she did want to proceed as it was what she wanted to do. My question to law buffs is: Will the court be able to see if my stepdaughter is being emotionally blackmailed, and will her real wishes be taken into account as she is 14 years old? she has often told us she wants to spend more time with us, and she is deeply unhappy living with her mother full time. She is a sweet natured girl and the animosity her mother displays is stressing her out no end!

[seatrout]

At 14 the court will give her views serious consideration. However you have already said that the animosity between her and her mother is causing stress, this is going to get worse if a court hearing becomes necessary. Effectively both parents will be forcing this child to make a choice - there are no rights or wrongs here just a child who will be put through an emotional ordeal.

If shared residency is going to work then it will have to be with the mothers approval - she will sabotage any court order that is forced on her. I think you should give the mother time to accept the situation. The maternal grandmother should keep out of it if she hasnt anything constructive to say.
The court will not try to guess her eal wishes and emotional blackmail will never be proved

[Pippa68]

Thanks for your views.

We aren't asking my stepdaughter to make a choice. We have merely stated that we will go to court to hopefully vary the order if she wants us to. The only reason court is ever involved is because the mother only listens to judges. She has stuck with the original court order to the letter..even the part which states 'any further contact granted upon agreement'. No agreement has ever been made for further contact.

Stepdaughter has even asked to stay with us overnight on a friday. Yet again this has not been allowed ''because it's not what the court order says'. The animosity between child and mother was there before stepdaughters decision was made.

We want whatever is best for the child. If she wanted to carry on the way things were that would be ok. The point is she came to us and asked us to change it, as she is too scared to ask her mum..and in her words, there is no point in asking because she will always say no!

It's a real toughie.

[lady_p_gold]

I think the way to look at it is that it really is not long until she is 16 and hopefully by then the mother cannot really do much about her staying over ..... so you are on the home run and maybe it would be better to save all the stress and hassle and just bide your time ??? It is always going to be very difficult while she is under such pressure from them and I can't see it ever working without major problems (I can see it now ... on the nights she is with you some 'major emergency' will occur just when you are all going out for a meal etc. etc. like her mother being taken ill and any other strokes they might pull)

[Pippa68]

Thanks lady p :o)

Yes, we had thought about her age and the fact that it won't be long before she is 16 and able to just walk out..we have even discussed this with her at the weekend.

She saw our point, but still insists she wants the time now. In her mind, she has had 12 years of being apart from us and her sisters and feels as if her time with us has been limited. She has said that she wants to do it now while she is still young enough to enjoy our family and spend time with us.

She did point out that if she moves in with us at 16 she may only have a couple of years before she goes off to Uni.

We will have to go for it and see what happens, I guess.