Domestic violence charge - ABH

[Anon_101]

My ex is on a charge of ABH with a weapon (a hot iron). We had been arguing and he picked up the iron and threatened me with it and burnt my hand enough to get a full thickness burn requiring a skin graft. He was arrested and charged with ABH with a weapon.
He had never been physically violent with me before and we have 2 young children together. I do not want him to go to prison as it will cause my family to suffer more and i have withdrawn my statement and support for the prosecution although they (the CPS)are still proceding.
If I said that I caused it/made hime do it so I could get him out of the house would that get me into trouble? I just want my family to get on with our lives and put it behind us. I don't want to get back with him however I don't want to tell my children that their father is going to prison.

[bednobs]

it depends - is it true?
lying in court can have very serious consequesnces

[bednobs]

also, do you know if it's going to magistratescourt or crown?

[dotty.]

what if it happens again and he thinks he can get away with being out of control?

[brenda]

If you don't want to get back with him as you say , do you have to tell the children he is in prison --- why.?

[Anon_101]

It has gone to Crown Court - he has pleaded not guilty and it is heading to trial.

I could have done more to stop him at the time but I thought (wrongly) that if he did then he would not be able to abuse me more - I know it sounds wierd. The relationship has been psychologically and emotionally abusive.

If he gets a criminal record it would mean he looses his job and it will destroy him.

[ladyalex]

Do you honestly think that anyone would/could believe you that you 'made him do it' ?
He burned you with an iron, for goodness sake.
If you don't want to tell your children their father is going to prison then don't. But don't think they haven't noticed that he has been abusing you .

[The-HouseHusband]

He caused you enough harm that you required a skin graft and you want to let him get away with it, get real and make him understand he cant do this sort of thing.

If you dont make a stand then the next girl may not be as lucky.

[Anon_101]

He is the father of my children and will be part of their lives (fathers have rights) so one day I am going to have to face him.
BTW, I used to judge people in situations like this but until you are there you cannot begin to judge.

[sherrardk]

I can understand that you have kind of 'forgotten' how terrible it was at the time and you are now feeling sorry for him - but how would you be feeling if he had put the iron across one of your children's faces? I have never been in your position so I can't understand how you are feeling but you need this man well away from you and your children.

[4getmenot]

so what did you used to judge about them, that they should leave? that they should press charges?? then you should listen to the old you, sorry but I totally agree with onetoomany that he could end up being violent to your children then you wish you'd put him away while you could

[anneasquith]

anon. i dont think you are a stupid woman at all. but you have suffered abusive behaviour from the man. and every situation is different and sometimes it can take a tremendous amount of abusive behaviour over a long period of time before it., if ever is resolved, im sorry for the situation you and your children are in, all i would advise is talking to someone from womens aid, telephone number in the book. good luck.

[confused]

Hi Anon_101 i dont think u are stupid at all and totally understand your situation, i am currently in similar situation. My ex is currently on charge ABH with weapon (knife) this is several times this has happend and has previous record from when i had him charged 4yrs ago (which he got 18mth probation) and last year i dropped charges due to my mental health! Im so confused rite now. I hate what he has done but we have 4 young kids and i dont want him to go in prison i really dont think that is the answer. They need help to deal with their issues not locking up and then be let out in even worse state!
No matter what you do it is up to CPS to decide - if they have enough evidence they can still prosecute without you giving evidence - they will just say you are unable to give evidence due to the traumor you are going through as a result of the offence.
This is not your fault!!! I know being through it you feel that you could have done things different and maybe wouldnt have come to this but the fact remains it has and there is only so long you can keep defending and protecting him for the sake of your family!
I want too to put all this mess behind us and my kids to see their dad but it all takes time and you have to stay strong for the longer goal is surely to make sure you and your kids are happy safe and loved!
Please keep chin up and stay strong and safe and as happy as you can be!
Emma x

[joko]

i think although you dont want him or your kids to suffer, letting him go to prison is probably the kindest thing you can do for him and your kids...
he will be taught a very serious an valuable lesson and certainly think twice about doing it again, he will have time to seriously consider what hes done, look inside himself an maybe set about making changes for the better, maybe recive counselling etc - but he wont do all that if he just walks away scot free...that will just make him cocky and arrogant and feel he is untouchable..and can therefore do what he likes

a couple of years in prison might just be the making of a man - and in a few years you get back a civil relationship with him and your kids get back a good decent dad

but the road hes on will only lead to more pain for your kids...

next time the person he hurts might hurt him back worse - or kill him.

[fifi333]

ok, so here is the score. You need to take legal advice really. You made a statement and have withdrawn. If you state that the matters in the statement are untrue, then you have at very least wasted police time, or potentially perverted the course of justice. Serious offences within themselves. If you did not lie, then do not say you did, you risk custody yourself. Even worse for your children.
If you needed a skin graft then this matter is not suitable to be heard in the magistrates court and will properly be in the Crown court.
If you refuse to attend court to give evidence then you will be witness summonsed. Failure to attend court under a witness summons can lead to your arrest. Failing to give evidence in court thereafter could lead to prison.
As for sentence an immediate custodial sentence is not guaranteed even at the crown court, it could be suspended in circumstances. It would depend on his own history.
For the sakes of you all, he should stand up and take it like a man.

[ubasses]

fifi333 is right if they think they have enough evidence they can summon you to attend court and you may well end up being treated as a hostile witness which will mean you getting a hard time from both sides. If you lie and they decide to charge you with perjury or conetmpt of court where is that going to leave your children.