ABH Charge Domestic Violence

[Nobes111]

Before i get told what i deserve i would like to say i am well aware ii deserve any punishment given.

after a lot to drink myself and my partner had an argument within our hotel room. this then ended up outside the hotel building.

now i was extremely drunk and only remeber 50% of what happened. after being arrested at the hotel i was taken in to custody. in interview i said my partner isnt a liar and the statement she gave would of been true. a few things on it i dissagreed with slightly as i didnt think i would say them or do the actions.
i was released on bail charged with ABH and given a court date.
my bail conditions were that i didnt sleep at our house or communicate with my partner. she has since pushed and had these removed as we have a child.

the basis that she had hand prints on her arm and neck and a graised wrist plus a small cut from a smashed glass.

she told the police she didnt want to press charges and has subtracted her original statement.

because this is a domestic case the CPS have taken over & set the charge. i have no previous & will plead guilty

any idea if this will go to court still or what punishment i will get?

thanks

[Nobes111]

this is in the uk by the way

[kat2206]

What made you go from arguing to violence, can you explain what you felt when this took place? Have you allowed your partner to try to come to terms with this attack, I know you have advised that you have a child but your partner does need to work through her feelings following this rather than going straight back into the relationship without having any time for self awareness. As to the self awareness have you stopped and thought about your actions and what potential damage this way have on your relationship?

[ummmm]

It was an argument that got out of hand...it happens. No excuse for it but the demon drink has a lot to answer for.

[kat2206]

Sorry Ummm but as a counsellor, arguments just dont get out of hand, there has to be a point where the attacker in his or her mind switches from the argument to violence. This then can lead the victim, especially if they are in a relationship and is possibly made to feel guilty about starting the argument, as this is what spousal abusers do, is to turn around on the victim and make it their fault, to which the victim will then allow the partner back into the house and pretend that nothing has happened which in turn doesnt allow the victim to then reflect upon what happened and to be able to resolve these problems in a way that their wellbeing is paramount.

[Nobes111]

this was only a few days ago, so its all very fresh and she is hurting of course we are at the moment living apart.

i honestly dont know how it turned how it did, i am the first one to hold my hands up & take full blame for it all.. i have sought a solicitor for the court hearing, contacted anger management places for help and also asked her that even if the door to a relationship is closed we should see someone together, which she has agreed. i have also asked her if she would like me to help seek someone for her to talk to about everything.

how i felt i havent a clue once i'm gone in the red i dont know and im ashamed of all this and want help for my little boys sake of having a father. i am 26 and have time on my side to prove my worth but i know iv let everyone down.

[ummmm]

Kat - he said he only remembers 50% of it so how can he possibly answer your questions?

[kat2206]

@ Nobes

Yes of course you have time to reflect and change your actions, but one thing in your favour and you should always remember, you and others should separate you as a person to the actions you took and this is a big thing in person centred counselling which I would suggest you take rather than CBT, CBT counselling is more the counsellor telling you what to do and you then carrying out these actions but the person centred counselling is more for you to explore your feelings and actions and then again for you to resolve this with your counsellors assistance.

I do absolutely think that you are remorseful for what you did and your last post was very mature in saying that your partner will possibly need to talk about this too either with or without you present especially as you have a child together, I do wish you well and If I can be of any assistance then please do let me know.

[Nobes111]

Kat

thanks for your guidence, i feel she would require her feelings to be explored personally i need direction a slap round the wrist and a reality check of what i have done and what my actions have done to the path of our lives.

do you think that both types of counselling can work in conjuction if i took both avenues?

if admitting the problem is the hard bit as much as i am ashamed i have found it easy i know all the hard work starts now.

[ummmm]

Have you done this before?

[Nobes111]

no but i had put a few doors through in anger if we have ever argued or said nasty things after loosing my temper...

[ummmm]

I think we've all done something like that in temper.

Do you only do that when alcohol's involved?

[Nobes111]

no i just flip! iv made an appointment for myself to see someone very soon& iv made a pledge not to drink as that makes me say things i dont mean in the heat of the moment.

[kat2206]

Hi Nobes, apologies for not getting back to you sooner, I definately think you do need to seek counselling whether it be anger management or indeed counselling, if you do go down the counselling route I would suggest that you see a counsellor who is more in tune with person centred rather than CBT though but do what suits YOU best, you are the client at the end of the day and the client should "own" the sessions so if you are in counselling and feel perhaps that you are not in control then I wouldnt hesitate to suggest trying another counsellor until you find a match that best suits you and the issues/problems that you want and need to explore. Does this help?

[JayRed]

You think you're life is bad? Wanna try living mine. My partner suffers from mental health issues and has been emotionally abusing me for the best part of a year, threatening suicide, attempting suicide, threatening even more suicide if I told anyone, behind my back telling her friends I'm attacking her.

The other day she makes allegations to the police that I've attacked her on numerous occasions and on one ran a knife across her neck creating a 4-5 inch cut. No photograph of any wounds though, surprisingly eh. She did have marks on her at times, but that was from me restraining her from throwing things or attacking me.

If anyone else is in this situation, if you only learn one thing, it's this: NEVER EVER restrain your partner no matter what. It'll only come back to bite you in the backside.

I'm faced with pleading guilty to 2 cases of battery just because I thought I was doing the right thing by restraining her. The ABH obviously I'll fight, but it's hard to decide whether to put your obviously troubled partner through giving evidence.

As for you Nobes, if you're partner has recanted her statement then they may make her give evidence via a witness warrant which will force her to attend court. But if she stands in court and says she can't be sure of the facts due to being drunk you'll be fine. If she agrees to that, you should go not guilty.

I wish I was allowed contact with my partner to work out our problems but ho hum, take the good with the bad. Chin up fella.

[mic100]

Well.......something similar happened to me last year. My Ex and I had an argument in july and we both ended up with slight bruises after rolling about on the floor. (she was drunk). Never even had a speeding ticket in the last 40years. Ex dug herself deeper with her statement and unable to retract. I was charged with Common assault and battery. Pled guilty to some facts but not the made up ones. went to a newton hearing and just came out of prison after 12 weeks. Up to this point she was informing everyone I would receive a small fine or at most community service. After sentencing it was changed to it wasn't her that informed police so at least there appears to a be a conscience. I have no job or career now and she has no contributions to look after our son much to her annoyance. Amazing how life can change in an instance. Remember this is common assault not the graver ABH or GBH. Good luck and find an honest women.

[mic100]

Unfortunately now I really couldn't give a hoot about what happens in the UK after my first experience of the 'legal' system. My experience is that it employs an awful lot of people/agencies who are driven by results. I'm not 'scared' of being sent to prison now and can see why young uneducated chaps etc end up back in there. The state requires another 'fear' to scare anyone thats been. Every arrest I read or see in the media now I tend to question and don't have much faith in 'justice'. Oh well