I have a contact order which meant i was to have my son on boxing day for 8hrs.

[smarty1979]

I have a contact order which meant i was to have my son on boxing day for 8hrs. My ex went and stayed with her parents who live an hour away by car and said if i wanted him i had to go and get him. I dont drive and there is no public transport on boxing day and she gave me a weeks notice. She knows i had no way of getting there to pick him up so surely she has broken the contact order? Now i will have to pay to take her back to court! Anyone experienced this?

[China Doll]

Could you not have asked a friend or family member to drive you? I think the court would say you had a weeks notice to make arrangements to collect the child to be honest. Plus, where are you? As I believe there was public transport on boxing day where I was... Sunday service maybe but it did exist. I don't think you would get very far if this went to court again and suggest you find a more amicable way to settle it.

[rockyracoon]

Don't see why, it's not really her problem if you can't get there. My brothers ex tried this and got nowhere, he maintained my nephew was available if the mother wanted to come over so it was up to her to make the necessary arrangements, it sounds means but she hasn't said you can't see the child.

[smarty1979]

Its the second time ive not had my boy at christmas and its down to her. This was decided in may and if she took my son away its her responsibility to bring him back not mine. If i was to take him away and expect her to collect him she wouldnt be able to as she also doesnt drive. My family live up north and im down the south and a friend is not going to give up boxing day with there family to drive me and i wouldnt expect it of them. Her parents live out in the sticks and its not very accessible via public tranport.

[Ann]

Sounds a very sad situation for your little boy.............

[China Doll]

She didn't say you couldn't see your child and she did tell you where she was. It may sound nasty but she didn't abscond with your son or actually refuse to let you see him so technically I don't think she's broken any contact order.

[vodkancoke]

Taxis would have been running on boxing day. To be honest, you had a week to arrange something so it is your responsibility. Yes, maybe she could have been a bit more helpful, but she told you from the start if you wanted him you had to go and get him.

[smarty1979]

A taxi an hour away there and back and then return him 8 hrs later? I would love to be able to afford that!

[B00]

did you even look into how much it would cost to hire a taxi?

[vodkancoke]

All I was trying to point out is that she hasn't broken the court order because there were means of getting to him plus buses were running on Boxing Day which you could have taken too. She gave you enough notice to check the times online. If it was going to be a problem you should have told her when she gave you the week's notice. I am truly sorry it happened to you and it's a shame for your son more than anything. I hope you manage to see him soon.

[craft1948]

I don't think it's reasonable if her parents live out in the sticks as I doubt there would be a village bus service on Boxing Day.
If it had been me I'd have got a taxi to pick him up and discovered I didn't have enough money to take him back.

[smarty1979]

I appreciate everyones answers and the whole point of this is to hear peoples oppinions. Just public transport really isnt an option and i asked if i could have him overnight to cut out one journey. Taxi would of cost me £430 in total to go get him and return him. I looked into the trains and there was no service going there or even near! Ive fought hard to see my son from day one and pay maintenance and never missed a visit but she just makes things arkward for me and its all totally unnecessary. She told the court she doesnt see why we should take christmases in turns?

[tamborine]

which is cheaper the court or the taxi ? Why not bring son back to your home and let wife collect - when/if she can.

[Maydup]

Sorry to hear this smarty, what a shi**y thing for her to do, knowing that you wouldn't be able to get there and only given a week's notice, she's done it on purpose.

Make it a new years resolution to get some transport of your own or to at least have some on standby for next Christmas so that nohing she does can keep you from seeing your boy .

[smarty1979]

I asked if she could do one way but she wouldnt because she just knew it was extremely difficult for me to get him. She came home the following day so i thought it made sense for him to stay overnight as he does normally but she didnt want him to? I take him back at 5pm and she just feeds him and puts him to bed as hes only 2 so she wasnt gaining anything by having him back.

[smarty1979]

Maidup thankyou for that comment because i seriously could not of put it better. Im not into arguements or having a war with her i just want to see my boy and respect her as she is my boys mum and i have mateswho have nothing to do with there kids or give up too easily due to a difficult ex. My boy is my world and wont ever give up on him. I had my xmas day today with him so he got to open his presants but just makes me sad.

[tamborine]

never mind her gain or not, think of your son. At 2y he needs his mum so try not to stress her unduly. Fit in with access she offers, peacefully, for the sake of the child.

[EDDIE51]

Arguing and getting a court involved every time there is a problem with access is going to do nothing but line the lawyers pockets.
You and your ex need to get together and arrange a sencible plan , the most important thing here is the well being of the child, it is they who suffer when parents can not agree on things like this.
I know what I am saying is a lot easier to say than to do but you really must make an effort for the sake of your son.
You can talk to as many solicitors a you like and get all the court orders in the world but in the end if you and the mother can not come to a mutually agreeable arrangement it will all be in vain.
Looking at this from the outside it is not all unreasonable that the Mum goes home to her parents for Christmas, you talk as if she has done it deliberately to spite you . A sencible arrangement would have been to agree that you have him the next day when there was public transport.
Again , I know it is hard but you and the Mum MUST both work at doing what is the best for the child , the interests of the child come before either of your own problems.
Remember no court can force the Mum to do something she does not want to do , no matter how many orders you get.
You say you could not afford a taxi yet you talk of getting another court order ? A court order will cost £2000 to £5000 and remember there is no legal aid for family cases available now . Even a solicitors letter costs £50 to £200 !
I am talking from experience my daughter went through a divorce with fights over access , it was not untill the solicitor told us that if we wanted to take the case to court we had to come up with £10,000 deposit that the two of them finally realised they had to start talking.

[smarty1979]

Do you think i want to go to court? That is the last option because she wont agree on anything. I went to court without no legal representation and got what i went for because im ony asking for what i am entitled too not anything extra. No person should use a child as a weapon and thats what she does. So what your saying is then that if i go and stay with my parents next xmas who live in norfolk then she should come and get him because i also have a right to go to my parents for xmas?

[grffindoor2011]

The mother is clearly being difficult and putting her own selfish grievance with you ahead of your childs parental access. If it were me I would give her a taste of her own medicine.

[ojread2]

smarty, this is indeed a vicious thing to do to your son. Your ex will bear the brunt of her selfish acts if she continues this throughout his life. Believe me when I say she will get her come uppence

Can I suggest you put plans into place reasonably early for next year and arrange that someone goes with you in a car to collect home where ever he is? If she does the same then her plans will be thwarted but your son still gets to see his dad. Surely you have a family member who can help you out? Or start saving for a cab there and back to collect home and then your ex can collect your son at the end of your visit, can't she?