I have a contact order which meant i was to have my son on boxing day for 8hrs.

[smarty1979]

I have a contact order which meant i was to have my son on boxing day for 8hrs. My ex went and stayed with her parents who live an hour away by car and said if i wanted him i had to go and get him. I dont drive and there is no public transport on boxing day and she gave me a weeks notice. She knows i had no way of getting there to pick him up so surely she has broken the contact order? Now i will have to pay to take her back to court! Anyone experienced this?

[EDDIE51]

First let me say that you have my deepest sympathy, a decent man trying to do the right thing.
My point is that no court or solicitor can force your ex to comply with a contact order if she is determined to be difficult. You have to find a way to resolve this between you. ojread has a very good idea , start planning future contact in advance so that problems such as this can be solved before they arise. Have you though of contacting 'Familes need fathers' the charity that works to resolve problems such as this ? Their advice is free and almost certainly better than getting another court order which she would just ignore anyway.

[EDDIE51]

Here is the link to Familys Need Fathers there is a free help line and a help forum, all free and certainly better than another visit to a solicitor.

http://www.fnf.org.uk/

[Barmaid]

You have my sympathy. I have personal experience of this and I've seen how destructive some parents can be.

Does the contact order express a collect/delivery point? It's quite usual for them to do so. Otherwise, the mother could just clear off to Scotland and say "well he's available, come and get him". So you COULD apply for a variation to the order to express a particular collect/delivery point.

I wouldn't recommend you go back to Court over one missed day - albeit I know it was an important day. Is there any chance you could agree with your ex another day when you could have "Christmas" with your boy?

If this is a regular pattern, you can apply to the Court, but as has already been pointed out (and as I know from bitter experience) there are no amount of court orders in the land that can make her do something she is dead set against. Even if you had a penal notice attached to the order, they are rarely enforced.

Courts like to look forwards rather than backwards so try and think of a plan for next year so that you can see him. Try and also see it from her point of view - she went to stay with her parents on Christmas day, she would have had the same transport problems in reverse.

If at ALL possible, try and communicate sensibly with her. I appreciate it might be difficult but bite your lip for the sake of your boy. (And trust me, I know that that is not easy - I am stuck in the middle of two parents who could gladly kill each other at any given moment!)

[tonywiltshire]

The court prefers to rubber stamp an agreement made by both sides and can be expensive. Your best method is to come to agreement with your ex-partner, you could ask for a location to be agreed by the court but my experience is that if either party wish to be difficult they will find a way and even use the child as a weapon in some cases.
I know that there can be communication difficulties and bitterness after a separation but both sides should try to co-operate for the sake of the child, easy to say not always so easy to achieve.

[Nini74]

you can't blame her for spending christmas with her parents, even if it does make things less convenient for you. You say a taxi would have cost you £430 - but surely you could have got public transport some of the way, to the nearest town or village, and then a taxi to the house - or perhaps her parents could have brought your son down to the bus stop to meet you - did you ask? I don't know about your friends, but if a friend of mine had been in that situation on boxing day, I would have happily given them a lift.... I don't agree with Maidup that she's done this on purpose - is she supposed to stay home at christmas instead of staying with her parents because it suits you better? you had a week to sort it out, i'm sorry you didn't manage to make arrangements, but she's done nothing wrong here - why not speak civilly with her, explain why you couldn't make it on boxing day and tell her you can now make alternative arrangements for another day .....

[daffy654]

I can see both sides here. I fully understand what smarty is saying about public transport because ours was completely absent on Boxing Day and taxi firms were charging quadruple fares even if pre-booked. To get anywhere you needed a car or a friend with one really.
On the other hand, I understand the ex wanting to be with her parents too.

I wouldn't bother going the legal route again unless this becomes a habit.

[Eve]

Is there any barrier to you learning to drive to try and avoid future problems like this?

Even if you can't afford to buy and run a car then you could save up to hire one when needed.

[smarty1979]

She had xmas day with her parents and boxing day was my day with my son. You obiously have not read anything i have put because there was no public transport to where her parents lived simple as that. Why should i miss out on seeing my son every year just because she doesnt want to give him up? I would love you to read the case notes for my court then you may realise this was done to be spiteful because she knew i had no way of getting there and being boxing day was even worse. She shouldnt be taking my son away if she knows she cant get back surely? If i went to stay at my parents who live 2 and a half hrs away and said to her she had to come and get him is that okay then? I wouldnt do that because im decent and why make things difficult for the other person. I had to go to court to get a court order and spend money i havent got so if you think things are all CONVENIENT for me you are sadly mistaken. Thankyou eddie51, barmaid, tonywiltshire and daffy for ya commentsx

[cathfromsaron]

just because she has bothered to buy a car put petrol it in, it doesn't give you the right to presume on her hospitality!

perhaps you could have arranged to have had your son earlier or later instead?

and behaved like adults?

[smarty1979]

Ha ha behaved like adults? This was agreed back in may i was having my son boxing day by a court order. I get to see my son once a week so shall i just follow her around the country and pick the money from the money tree? Boxing day was the day she said and i asked for alternatives and she said no. I was told if you cant get him then you cant have him. That is really grown up eh.

[smarty1979]

griffindoor2011 and ojread2 thanks for ya comments much appreciated

[Barmaid]

Cathfromsaron the "and behave like adults" comment is extremely unhelpful. If you don't have a constructive legal answer, frankly, don't bother to post in this section.

I understand the frustration that smarty is going through. Nice and easy to say "behave like adults". If everyone behaved like adults there would be no need for the family courts.

[smarty1979]

Appreciate people dont know the whole story but i went to the scans with her and told her from day one i wont let her or my son down and hand on heart i havent. I waited for a call from my ex to tell me my son had be born but 2 weeks passed the due date and nothing. She changed her number and moved to her mums. I found out via facebook my son had been born 2 weeks before. Was totally heartbroken and wont ever forgive her for that. Got a solicitor to track her down and from day one its been a battle. I dont think you have to be with someone to be a good dad to your child. Two sides to every story i fully understand but all i want is my boy in my life because he is my world and brings me so much happiness! Can you be my solicitor barmaid you actually know what you are on about! On sites like this your gonna get negative and positive comments but its just taking the positives that push you on.

[Barmaid]

Sadly not Smarty. I am not a solicitor and could not act for you. It sounds to me that you don't actually need a solicitor. Given the cuts in legal aid, the family courts are used to people acting in person. But apart from a variation to the contact order it sounds as if what is needed is a channel of communication. Have you considered/tried family mediation? That sounds to me like the way forwards. contact your local court and ask for details of the family mediation service and see if you and your ex can't work something out for the sake of your boy.

[smarty1979]

Due to finacial reasons i always go to court without legal representation but have always got what i have gone for. Mainly due to the fact that im not asking for anything out the ordinary just to see my son and what i am entitled to. She begged me not to go back to court and she would be fair with things. I was silly enough to believe her and she has let me down again. I really cant miss out again this year and i am due to have him xmas day this year as we are supposed to rotate xmas day and boxing day. I am going to contact the court explain what has happened and see what they say. Thankyou for your help its much appreciated.

[boxtops]

Fingers crossed, smarty - let us know how you get on.

[Barmaid]

Unfortunately smarty, contacting the court won't help since the staff are not able to give advice. Contact them and ask for family mediation service details, I see that as your way forwards. You can't replace missed days now, but you can reach a workable agreement for the future.

[smarty1979]

cheers boxtops and will try that barmaid.

[tamborine]

A father I know rarely saw his son more than 4 times a year even tho he paid his dues. This year his 5y old is constantly available as the mother has 2 more babes with her new partner. Swings & roundabouts are parental access.

[tigwig]

Aww smarty reading that really makes me feel for you. She sounds like an absolute cow. So often you hear of useless fathers who couldnt care less and you are the opposite yet she holds all the cards it seems. I would suggest you put this incident behind you, carry on being reasonable as hard as it is and continue to be a great father to your son. Definitely make arrangements for this Christmas to make sure she cannot do this to you again. Good luck.