Advice Please

[Evamarrero]

Hi there. I have a son of 10 months old, his dad's name is on the birth certificate as he went with me to register the birth. We have never been married. He suffers from Schizophrenia and has been in and out of hospital during the last few years and he takes medication. He is normally depressed and unable to get a job and he spends all his benefits in unnecessary things, sometimes he has not food or money for a week. I have been there for him for 4 years, trying to help him and support him, talking to mental health proffessionals and to his doctors and family. He has pushed me away many times and then coming back and I am always there for him because I do love him. In one ocassion he arrested me just because I gave him a tap on his head as a result of all the fustration, the police officer said what he does to me is emotional abuse. Recently I found that he has been sleeping with a drug-user and at the same time he was seeing me and telling me that he loves me. He sleep with her without a condom and then to me, and did not tell me anything. Maybe we both have a disease, he has put my health in risk. I think enough is enough, I cant stand by him anymore, he had a future with me and our son, I was willing to do anything for him, help him to recover,,,,but he preffered to sleep with that woman and play with my feelings. I want to move on, I really dont want to see him again as it is too much pain to take and I still love him. Can I enjoy life with my son without seeing him?? what if he goes to court to ask for contact order,,,will he get it?? Can I change baby's surname??

Thanks

[bednobs]

it is not fair for you to withold his son from him if he desires contact. to be honest YOU chose him to be the father of your son, knowing that he was unstable so you cant possibly use that now as an excuse for him not to see him. If he goes to court, im sure he will get a contact order after all he is the dad!

[Evamarrero]

I never thought he would cheat on me. when I was pregnant all I thought was -how beautiful is to have a child with this man- I never thought about problems, never thought he would sleep with someone else(as I wouldnt do it)

[Ethel]

You must allow him contact with his son - it is unfair to deprive your son of his father, good or bad.

The fact he is named as father on the birth certificate automatically gives him parental responsibility, so he has the same rights as if you were married,

You can't change the surname without the father's permission and in any case it won't change on the birth certificate.

http://tinyurl.com/3fr3hv

[figure]

Only you can make that change happen. After knowing all these things about him what incentives are there and what motivate you in wanting to stay with him? Please don't say love because I cannot see how someone could be so blind to such behaviours and treatment.

[cazzaz]

You cannot change your sons name legally. But you can change his name .........you are perfectly entitled to call your son by another surname ...the name you want him to be known by but this has its complications as you wont be able to change it on any official documents. For example.....when he starts school you may tell them that you want him to be.....smith even though his name may be jones but you would need to register him under the name of jones. If you start to call him by another name now people will know him by that name but it wont be official.
I know you are angry but you need to put your own feelings aside and be sure that your son maintians contact with his father or he may hold it against you as he gets older

[happyjo]

If your sons father went to court for a contact order, they would grant it ... even in cases of domestic violence, the courts aim to provide the best for the child.

Aside the way he has treated you ( which the courts will not take in to consideration, unless abuse has taken place) the only consideration the courts have, is the welfare of the child.

You would be better seeking legal advice ... and/or agreeing to your ex seeing your son on a regular basis.

Jo x