Thoughts On This Song I Wrote?

[river454]

A lot of people said they couldn't hear what I was saying in a different song I posted yest. Wondering how people find this tune. Any thoughts welcome.

[Atheist]

I've messed up. I was trying to encourage river, and I referred to dapex and then thought dapex was the OPer. River; keep working on it.

[river454]

thanks atheist. Im gonna bail as these negative comments have spoken volumes. Just strange as many people i know in person have seemed genuinely surprised at how good and emotional my song writing is yet absolutely zero comments about the song itself on here which is intriguing

[royfromaus]

Perhaps the people you know don't want to hurt your feelings.

[THECORBYLOON]

Folk might be used to hearing you sing and know what you're saying but it was too difficult to me.

"Can we please dock or drop this anchor?
I don't want to stop"

What are docking and dropping anchor if not coming to a halt?

[river454]

ha roy you're talking to a guy who's girlfriend committed suicide on a night she asked to see him a few months ago, it aint possible for my feelings to be hurt now haa but priviliged people like yourself who have no idea what it is like to feel pain won't get that.

Secondly, i am aware of that aspect and I specifically asked these friends again and again to be honest as I can happily take it and am happy to focus on just guitar as I prefer that. Sadly I believe most of you on here are cowardly. Instead of being honest and saying "Your singing is pants but you can play guitar and the song's melody is catchy enough" You are coming out with various nonsense such as "can't hear the lyrics" umm this is the case with many songs, really isnt a deal breaker. I actually requested brutal feedback on my vocals and the song not deflections such as the recording quality and diction of words. I actually agree my vox are the problem. My song writing, lyrical poeticness and guitar playing is something however that is clearly good enough.

[royfromaus]

I agree that plenty on here are cowards...and not just about your singing, song writing and guitar playing.

[river454]

where is the error in the guitar playing then roy? ha you obciously can't strum a note and are merely jealous about anyone with an element of musical ability. That would explain a lot ha

[royfromaus]

oh dear.

[goodgoalie]

I suggest you watch this (for example):

[THECORBYLOON]

"My song writing, lyrical poeticness and guitar playing is something however that is clearly good enough."

"Poeticness"????

If you're as good as you clearly believe you are, why on earth are you asking for feedback on here instead of contacting Simon Cowell?

[Barsel]

river you asked for thoughts on the song you wrote and some of us came up with a few ideas you could try to make it sound better.
If you cannot accept any help to improve your act, then it might be best if you don't ask again in future.

[river454]

barsel. Instead of acting condescending and like a character who is probably disliked by most people she knows :) Can I suggest entertaining an element of empathy and compassion? Something perhaps too alien to yourself.. but something that may aid in your future relationships with people. Word of advice, when a person states that his girlfriend committed suicide, the common decent and empathic response is something like "sorry for your loss" Just something to bear in mind for the future.

Regarding your patronizing comment you clearly are incapable of understanding what I'm getting at so I'll reiterate. I am super happy for negative comments and hence why I asked... i would rather they were at least genuine however and instead of uneffective comments such as "cant hear what you're saying" which only distracts and causes confusion, i would rather hear the genuine truth which is clearly that the vocals are not up to scratch.

As for guitar, I am absolutely lost as to what people think is wrong here. Sure it is 3 chords but big deal so are many punk/pop songs! This doesnt mean I am incapable of playing more complex guitar solos and leads... Some songs are just simply meant to be basic and this is one of them.

[river454]

Corbyloon.. I believe my vocals aren't that great so I concur with the criticisms there. As for these relentless comments about not being able to hear what I'm saying. i don't get it... this is the whole reason lyrics are printed.. There are endless songs out there where some lines arent clear to hear and lyrics are needed. It is the way music is. Lastly, my guitar is fine... I messed up at 1.50 but that was due to forgetting the line.. There are simply 4 chords in this song like there are many popular songs.. This does not mean the guitar playing is bad! so unless it can be shown where I have missed notes, played the wrong note or plucked out of rhythm... then I fail to see how the guitar can be criticized here.

[gness]

I like you very much, Barsel. Dave’s asleep so I can’t ask him but I’m sure he likes you too. ;-).
Perhaps a mod will keep an eye on this thread for more river rudeness.
From his attitude I don’t think he deserves replies.

[river454]

gness... what about the fact my girlfriend committed suicide.. does that deserve a condolence at least? It seems rudeness is ok when the shoe is on other foot.

[THECORBYLOON]

You can stop the personal attacks or you will be suspended or banned, the choice is yours.

[river454]

Corbyloon... Stop with the condescension please. Show me a bit of courtesy and decency and offer me some condolences for the loss of my girlfriend. Such a thing would be very compassionate of you.

[JimF]

This is how a man writes a song about the suicide of a woman that he loved. Just saying...

[Barsel]

Gness, thank goodness for that.
river, I apologise that I didn't make reference to your late girlfriend, I was concentrating more on your song and the answers you were after. I said I couldn't make out all the words but then suggested that perhaps if you sang in a lower note in a better room, that might make a difference. I'm sure if you were here in the same room as me, I would understand your every word.
Must admit I wasn't expecting you to say nasty things about me and because you don't know me then I will just say that it might be best if I don't comment on your posts in future. Good luck.