Feigned Sympathy Towards Celebrity Misfortune

[Aschenbach]

 Why do some people think that because they've bought a couple of records or seen someone's wedding in the papers that they have a  interest in their lives.  I think the public gets the celebrities that they deserve who reflect their own superficiality. It's OK to empathize but the whole 'let's light a candle for X who we've never met' makes them look very glib in my eyes ( I wonder if they would bother visiting their elderly Granny?)

[graemer]

I did regularly till she died a painful death with cancer.

[PlainJane]

I think this is one for the psychologists. It does seem that people do feel genuine connections to celebrities. Yes, family and community ties have weakened, and we probably see more of celebrities, (in the media) than we do of our real friends and relatives (in the real world). We learn so much about celebrities' lives and loves that, vicariously, we know them as friends. Naturally we grieve at their misfortunes and celebrate thier successes. Nonetheless we must not delude ourselves, our friends and relatives are always more important, and we sholuld not let our emotions mislled us. Whenever I learn of a misfortune to a celebrity I try to reflect on other people who have suffered similarly. No man (or woman) is an island....

[OBonio]

The same happened with Ken Bigley who wasn't even a celebrity. It's just the media. They must be loving how much control they have over us.

[graemer]

As this seems to have been inspired by my post about Kylie, let me just say please leave the patronising psychoanalysing out of it. I posted because I once worked for the company that discovered her. I was at the dinner when she won her first award and came to our table hand in hand with an excited Jason. You couldn't help but love this tiny creature and I have followed her story ever since. I was shocked at her news on the eve of a huge milestone in Australia and stupidly shared it. Sure, people live vicariously through celebrities but I find this superior attitude with it's snide references to one's own family and our inability to distinguish press manipulation frankly insulting.

[littleoldme]

Aschenbach - to put your mind at rest, my family comes first, always has done and always will do - my one surviving grandparent is currently seriously ill in hospital and I visit him every single day, often sitting for a long time waiting for him to wake up sufficiently to find the strength to talk.

Bearing this in mind, am I now sufficiently qualified to say "get well soon, Kylie"? My feelings of sympathy towards her are not because she's a celebrity, nor are they "feigned", they are the genuine feelings of sympathy I have for anyone who has just found out they have cancer, famous or not. I genuinely hope it's something you never have to hear yourself.

[twiglet4frog]

the reason people feel towards celebs more than say the neighbour down the street is because thanks to media, magazines and television, we have them in our lifes far more than other people, if u are a soap fan then u have the likes of ken barlow spending time with u 5 times a week, and u grow to like them and be with them in almost a family way, far more than the uncle or auntie u see maybe 3 times a year. Whether it is media fault or not u cant not vcare about people that u have grown up with or spend some time wanting to know.

As with kylie, ok..no one on here proabably actually knows her but we cant help but feel sorry for someone and with the medias help we know that kylie isa warm and caring person, with bigley u felt awful because it brings to your attention how vulnerable we are to the hands of evil people. I find that few people hold a candle for someone just to jump on a bandwagon, but more because it is easier to see someones suffering and feel bad for them when we see and hear it far more than we do regular everyday people. Simple two words "Human Nature"

[Lillabet]

I have never bought a Kylie Minogue record and don't read hello, Ok, heat, or any similar magazine. However when I heard that Kylie had been diagnosed with breast cancer I felt sympathy for her.

In the same way I feel sympathy if a friend tells me that someone they know / are related to has suffered a similar diagnosis / been the victim of crime / been in an accident etc. There are outpourings of sympathy when people die even if they are not personal friends - flowers left at accident sites and so on. Often even when the victim barely merits a mention in the media beyond the local paper. (I agree the media has an influence but disagree that it entirely constructs sympathy)

This sympathy is not as deep as that which I feel for those whom I know and care for personally if they suffer. It is not however an either  / or choice. I don't have a finite supply of sympathy to be divided up - and can feel sympathy for Kylie Minogue without it detracting one little bit from my feelings about my family...

[El D]

why no posting on here about mrs miggins, or mr x who died of cancer, or the thousands around the world who suffer day in day out - yet kylie who has led a pretty privileged life, suffers a setback, tragic as it is, and the support comes pouring in. . . It's not superficiality so much as hmmm well perhaps a slight case of the parochial.

[Robinia]

I lost my mum, her sister & my gran to breast cancer &, although no celebrity is ever going to be more important than they always will be, it doesn't stop me from feeling sympathy for them. They feel pain & fear just the same as the less wealthy & less well known people do.

I had cancer of the lymph glands myself & survived against all the odds & was amazed when I received attention from complete strangers.  Doctors & staff who I'd not met from around the hospital popped their heads around my door to wish me well, & some patients gave me their flowers & kind words. It was an enormous boost & proves you don't have to know someone to give them a little support when times are tough.

[graemer]

Exactly Robinia. I just don't get why you're not allowed to express sympathy for a celebrity with out being a feigning sham.

[Aschenbach]

Thanks for your contributions everyone.

First I didn't mention cancer and it is off the point to discuss my recent experience of it.

I should have used Princess Diana as an example of the questionable 'sympathy' (more like a transitory morbid voyeurism to me) people said they felt at the time and contrast it with the genuine emotion her relatives must still feel today.

graemer if you want to send a message to support to Kylie then that's great. Personally I don't feel the need to wish her or anyone I don't know with breast cancer or any disease/ illness/ injury) a full recovery on a Q&A site. I didn't mean to insult you or your intelligence and I understand your totally justifiable feelings.

Robinia yes I did overlook the value of the kindness of strangers to people who are not necessarily celebrities - they are the real saints but are distinguishable because they had actual contact with you (whether these good people are more likely to feel sadness and send messages towards celebrities they've not met - I do not know).

The point I wanted to make was that with a personal experience the illness doesn't go away when you turn off your TV.

And I have the idealistic wish that in 12 months time when people see a celebrity book called 'My Victory Over Cancer', they'll just give the �15.99 to Cancer Research instead.

[kick3m0n]

for the record, I understand that Kylie has asked that, instead of flowers or cards people may wish to send her, that they make a contribution to a cancer charity.  

If people look very glib in your eyes Aschenbach, why should they care?  They know less about you than the celebrities whose lives they are interested in.   Maybe they would think you cold and unfeeling, especially as you judge them so harshly (ie your comment about visiting Granny).  

El D, I think the point is that no one knows Mrs Miggins or Mr x, whereas almost everyone on AB will know Kylie.  Asking a question of that sort about someone unknown to ABers would be kind of daft.

[Aschenbach]

Again I say the question doesn't mention Kylie or cancer!

The people I was referring to confuse reality and fantasy and I was asking who was annoyed by this trend which is far worse in America where an important issue has to be discussed or experienced by a celebrity before it gains public awareness which is dangerous.

No they wouldn't care what I think because I'm not a celebrity and don't enter their heads. I would also question how well people actually know celebrities' lives.

I would love to give the benefit of the doubt and say people never confuse the two but just look at Twiglet's words 'you have Ken Barlow spending time with you 5 days a week'

[Aschenbach]

http://www.private-eye.co.uk/content/showitem.cfm/issue.1133/section.balls