Mikaeel

[hellywelly4]

This will be very controversial I know, but please believe me when I say I'm not being judgmental, just curious.
Why do people take toys to the sites where flowers are laid for people who have had tragic deaths?
I can understand it with flowers as we have always used flowers as a tribute, but the toys have only seemed to start recently.
Also where do they go afterwards?

I do hope I don't offend anyone with this question.

[emmie]

perhaps the reason that the flowers that were removed after Diana died had cards attached, they may have been able to be saved, i honestly don't know

[grasscarp]

I kind of understand it. People want to show their feelings of sorrow and therefore find a spot where they can leave candles, messages, flowers, toys and go there with their thoughts to register their solidarity and show they care. If nothing was done and people stayed behind their doors to just talk about it, that may look harsh and make it seem nobody cares.

[emmie]

its a fairly new phenomenon, largely over Diana's death

[DSJ]

I believe that the flowers left for Diana were allowed to remain in place for several days & then collected by the local council when they started to wilt.

[hellywelly4]

Thank you all for your replies. Very interesting to hear everyone's comments.
Personally I find it odd, and am reassured by the fact that some of you agree with me. However, I know a lady who had a daughter killed in a road accident and she was distraught when the council wanted to clear the flowers from the roadside as she found them a great comfort.

[lynbrown]

I read that all the flowers left for Diana were crushed and made into something, possibly pot pourri? I agree about the toys and teddies, better to make a small donation to a children's charity.

[andy-hughes]

I do understand why people want to feel 'included' in the grief for this poor little soul, but i also find it mawkish and self-indulgent.

If my wonderful wife departs this life before I do, my wishes will be to scatter her ashes somewhere special to us, and that will be that - I will never visit that spot again, but keep her memories in my heart.

I would ask that similar is done for me.

With regard to this tragedy - I think the grief process is hard enough, without the general public jumping on a pseudo--grief bandwaggon.

[woofgang]

The Diana tribute were (said to have been) taken and spread in kensington gardens to return to compost. Someone will have had to remove all the cello and ribbon etcet first.

[anneasquith]

that's harsh andy, what harm are children doing leaving a wee toy for a friend/neighbour who has died in tragic circumstances, ?

[vulcan42]

Wouldn't the money spent on flowers and toys be better used if given to a local children's hospital/hospice?

[hellywelly4]

Vulcan, I suppose someone would need to organise that, I think. These donations all appear to be spontaneous.

[RATTER15]

//Wouldn't the money spent on flowers and toys be better used if given to a local children's hospital/hospice?//

I agree, but this isn't about donating to a cause, it is about remembering a lost child, people do what they want to do, it doesn't affect anybody else, personally I think it is a lovely gesture. Live and let live.

[hc4361]

It can cause unnecessary problems for the family though - at a time they don't need more stress.
Just what are they supposed to do with rain sodden toys that have probably been wee'd on by passing animals and dustbin loads of dead flowers in a lake of cellophane?
Somebody has the problem of dealing with it

[baza]

I seem to recall bottles of vodka and cans of strong lager were left outside the home of Amy Winehouse together with flowers/ cards.
Local offie must have made a good profit.

[keyplus90]

Ideally, a prayer should be enough and better than anything else when someone has died. However since few people do not believe in prayer then they try to replace it with other things. Be it 1 minute silence, flowers and now toys and in the future there would be many more things.

[hc4361]

What's wrong with the old fashioned way - sending a private letter or condolence card?

[Mosaic]

I'm kind of following HC's point - there's a growing tendency to 'big up' grief and mourning. You can see this in municipal cemeteries, where many memorials now have windmills, toys, balloons etc. I am sure people need to mourn and should be able to do this as they see fit. But I am equivocal about these highly materialistic expressions.

[andy-hughes]

annasquith - "that's harsh andy, what harm are children doing leaving a wee toy for a friend/neighbour who has died in tragic circumstances, ?"

No harm at all - if it is a friend or neighbour.

But the wholesale involvement of complete strangers is what I find mawkish - the notion of mourning a death of someone you have never met to the point of buying a toy or flowers and leaving them at the house / accident site whatever, is frankly odd. It's as if people think they make some sort of national 'connection', which on the flimsiest of examination is entirely bogus.

I think tangible expressions of grief are for family and close friends only - the rest of the population can do as I do - feel sad for the tragedy, and leave the poor family in peace without vying for who can be the most 'grieving' total stranger.

It's intrusive and doesn't help anyone.

[hc4361]

A good friend of mine was very upset after a bereavement, as you would expect. What she found intolerable was the times she felt near strangers were seeking comfort from her because they couldn't cope with it, couldn't bear it, almost as if they were revelling in it.

I've seen that sort of thing myself when I've felt forced to offer sympathy to somebody because their colleague's mother (who they've never met) has died and they can't cope with their emotions.

Stop stealing other people's grief!

[glenbar]

I have been thinking the same as you. Its a fairly recent thing I think and although I am not entirely sure I seem to remember it began after Diana.