Mikaeel

[hellywelly4]

This will be very controversial I know, but please believe me when I say I'm not being judgmental, just curious.
Why do people take toys to the sites where flowers are laid for people who have had tragic deaths?
I can understand it with flowers as we have always used flowers as a tribute, but the toys have only seemed to start recently.
Also where do they go afterwards?

I do hope I don't offend anyone with this question.

[China Doll]

I've never understood it and it leaves me feeling uncomfortable when strangers or people very removed from a situation get exceptionally emotional about the death of anyone; it feels to me almost like a 'look how much I care because of how upset I am' type of situation.

I do think in the case of Mikaeel that this whole community did seem to come out to volunteer to look for him and so I can kind of understand the expressions of sympathy here because I suppose by volunteering maybe people were more invested in the outcome than the rest of us who watched it unfold on the news.

[phleb]

I suppose its because its a small child and they like toys, and maybe their little soul is hovering around to see them. I feel very sad since this child has been in news. I always feel empty when a child has gone missing or killed, i don't know why but i feel as if they are my own. It breaks my heart so much :'(

I can't tell you where the go afterwards, i'm not sure.

[bundleone]

I think the same way, it just seem a strange new custom and it's escalating.

[choux]

tbph I find it quite distatesteful, helly. No amount of flowers or soft toys will bring real comfort to anyone. On the occasions when masses of 'gifts' are left to the elements I find myself wishing that the people had donated the money to a worthwhile cause instead. Such floral 'tributes' from the masses are neither a gift for the dead nor the living. Just my opinion, of course.

[pixie373]

It doesn't matter if we don't know him... He's a 3 year old child. I think most people find it genuinely sad. I see the toys and flowers as just a gesture of sympathy and support, to say, "we're sorry".

[stewey]

The stewing around of flowers, toys etc. is in the same league, in my opinion, as "My(our) prayers and thoughts are with the family and friends at this time". Mere gratuitous superficial tokens.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with many people on here about the mass displays of grief. Why take your small child to a pile of toys and flowers so he can leave another toy for someone they never knew, and who will sadly never play with it? I'm as upset as everyone by the death of Mikaeel, but these displays of sentiment are misplaced and intrusive. I really can't imagine that the family are comforted by this.

[hellywelly4]

My granny always said that flowers are for the living, and when I go to a funeral I always donate to the chosen charity rather than send a wreath.
Thank you all for the comments. I am actually surprised by the number of people who think the same as me or similar. I've always felt 'out of it' because I wouldn't do it myself, but would never offend anyone who does.

[choux]

Life is full of surprises, helly. 'Twas a good post, imo. Night night.

[zebo]

I recall that after the Aberfan disaster in 1963 (?), hundreds of toys were sent, it seemed the most insensitive thing to do.

[anneasquith]

zebo, ii didn't know about the toys after aberfan, might they have been sent for the siblings of those who died ?

[Peter Pedant]

AOG - I pick out AngloSaxons specifically because they were the ones interviewed with the question - Do you hear your dead relatives speak to you. Around half said yes. Someone must have done it to the French / Germans and so on -societal rather than racial - but I dont know what the figures are.

French much lower - Iranians hardly at all...

[pips1]

Another 'trend' is leaving beautiful flowers all wrapped in cellophane and ribbon on gravestones, I want to put them all in water! it is stupid to leave them to die too, they only need a jam jar.

[hc4361]

Princess Margaret set up an appeal for toys after the Aberfan tragedy. The objective seems to be that the toys were to be sold to raise money for the community
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/local-news/cuddly-toy-sold-raise-funds-4044743

[B00]

Great article here from the DM about this very topic.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2543059/What-sort-parent-takes-child-wallow-tragedy-As-toddlers-leave-teddies-memory-little-Mikaeel-personal-provocative-view.html

[murraymints]

The police have said they're to erect a gazebo to keep toys dry.

[hc4361]

Great article, boo.

[joeluke]

Attention seeking chav mothers who didn't even know the child, but they see someone leaving a cheap kids toy and feel compelled to be a sheep and do the same, hoping to get their mug on tv/in the paper.

Similar to the distasteful way some people 'decorate' children's graves with toys, trinkets, wind chimes, toy trains, toy cars etc......aka a pound shop grave

A graveyard is not the place for all that crap, people visiting loved ones graves who want a quiet moment don't want to have to look at the next grave which is garishly decorated and whose wind chimes are making an unnecessary racket

Flowers not tat are appropriate for graves

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/02/01/article-1352498-0D00B230000005DC-853_634x398.jpg

[Cloverjo]

Great article , B00. Carol Sarler can be a bit of a cow sometimes, but I agree with her on this.
On a related note, I remember seeing Chris Tarrant, of all people!, at a memorial service for Sarah Payne clutching a limp daffodil. Why did he think he should have been there?

[anotheoldgit]

andy-hughes

I find that rather strange Andy for you to say that if your wife died you would take her ashes and scatter them at a place that was special to you both, never to return.

Why would you never wish to return to a place that was special to you both? It's like saying you would sell your home and move to a different area.