Outrageous Fabricated Seagull Scare Story

[joggerjayne]

This is getting ridiculous.

On the front page of the Daily Star today is a dramatic story about The Great British Bake Off being disrupted by aggressive seagulls.

But, if you stand in the newsagents and read the article (coz you wouldn't actually buy the Daily Star), you find out that ...

It hasn't actually happened!

They are worried that it MIGHT happen.

But it's never happened before.

And there's nothing to suggest it will happen now, except for the current ludicrous hysteria about seagulls.

It's a cheap shot, to try and make a front page headline out of a non existent event.

Everyone should stop giving seagulls a hard time.

In the meantime, Friday is the first home game if the new season.

So, on every level, I say ...

COME ON, THE SEAGULLS !!

[joggerjayne]

"of"

[DTCwordfan]

Here's the solution.....

-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTdxACOpL_E

[sunny-dave]

Daily Star prints fabricated story .... Bears still Catholic .... Pope still using arboreal toilet facilities ...

[DTCwordfan]

London Bus found in Antartica

Edward Heath was a Casanova when it came to women

John Major did not have an affair with Mrs Eggs Minister

Tony Blair is a devoted Methodist

Brighton will be promoted this coming season.

[gness]

Three nights sleeping in a bedroom under a seagull nest.....early morning call....very early.....view of the Devonshire countryside obscured by poo streaking the window.... sitting on the patio having moss and twigs dropped into my wine glass...

Watching the juvies venture from the nest......a parent either side protecting them from corvids and buzzards......

Three days of absolute bliss.....fantastic birds.....♥

[ludwig]

I was attacked by a fabricated seagull once. They're the worst kind in my experience.

[Buenchico]

Perhaps we could train the killer seagulls to attack the killer rats?
http://www.mccannfiles.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/dailystar090514.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BrFckl-CEAEuGip.jpg

[Playbill]

I would have hoped it was true: anything that prevents Sue Perkins from being on television gets my approval.

[sandyRoe]

Here's a seagull that would seem to have been trained in that task already.
(warning, not for the squeamish)

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03387/seagull-rat-swallo_3387807b.jpg

[ludwig]

We should be probably be handing out bags of chips to the migrants at Calais. The seagulls would disperse them better than the french police.

[Ken4155]

DTC; Hilarious exploding seagull. Though i can't see jj giving you best answer.

[gness]

Neither can I, Ken.....but I can see her gift wrapping exploding choccies for him as we type......☻

[youngmafbog]

Seagulls are a bloody pest. We have been attacked in our back garden on more than one occasion. I usaully find aiming a spade at them soon puts them off. One was even stupid enough to dive-bomb my 45Kg Boxer. It got close the first time and caught him unaware, second time he was ready. Didnt quite get it but feathers everywhere.

They need culling.

[DTCwordfan]

Can't eat them, gness, the diet.....it would have to be cherries!

[sandyRoe]

Couldn't be many calories in a gull's egg.

[DTCwordfan]

A pressie for Jayne xx

http://www.rococochocolates.com/Superior-Seagull-Salted-Caramel-Crate/dp/B00GXGBZAO

[Baldric]

If the Gulls can disrupt the rubbish that is the GBBO I must admit they they have gone up several points in my esteem!

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/showbiz-tv/hot-tv/457618/British-Bake-Off-bosses-fear-this-year-s-show-will-be-sabotaged-by-psychotic-seagull?_ga=1.210855893.1187183631.1424413691

[DTCwordfan]

I didn't know a seagull had morphed into Scary Mary Berry.....

[joggerjayne]

Why, thank you, DT ... x

[DTCwordfan]

No probs - ty for the BA

the calling of the cameras on the grassed lawn below,
And the seagull sweeping o'er the Berkshire trees so grey!
O the weeping in the Marquee! O the bitter, bitter woe
For the Perkins cakes that blew up yesterday!

The ruddy scone will grow and the Soufflés will fall,
And the varying year bring round the cakes again,
And the nesting MaryBerry will spring from the Chilterns will call,
But she and her gulls sleep sound under the gruesome Thames drain!

In vain the Hollywood boy-bell clangs, no humour and just knives down,
And in vain for the contestants when their crumpets will burn:
There are broken hearts to-day in the little Reading town
For those booted out by the Gull, those who will nevermore return.

They are now lying far below 'neath the sad Isis swell,
Where the oven light gleams and flickers overhead;
Where Mary and seabirds dive and soar and the surges toll a knell,
To chide the 'petitors and eat the carbide bread; oh my they are so dead.

And far below their heads will steer the careless TV crews,
And far in their the guests come and go;
And Mary and Seagulls swoop in between the Perkins snooze,
The Croquembouche throbs with joy and woe.

And the GBBO keeps on its groan where the silent look down,
And the Scary Mary Berry gull with its ceaseless call across the fray,
And hearts must bear and break in the canvass town
For the Bakers who perish day by day.