Why Are Some Women So Daft ?

[Canary42]

Guy gets jailed for assaulting his girl friend on three separate occasions.

When he comes out of jail she resumes the relationship and they get engaged. Further assault takes place in the same month they got engaged.

Now he's back in jail for this more serious assault, and she's lucky to be alive.

Will she get back with him again when he gets out this time ?

Answers on a postcard . . . . . . . .


http://www.itv.com/news/wales/2015-12-04/man-hid-fiancees-body-believing-hed-killed-her-before-she-regained-consciousness-and-went-for-help/?ref=yfp

[Hopkirk]

No sympathy here.

[EDDIE51]

You only have to look back at the questions on AB where a woman has been assaulted by a male partner but wants to withdraw her statement as '' He is not really a bad person'', to know the answer to that !

[DaisyNonna]

Lack of self worth

[silliemillie]

Sadly some women will put up with ANYTHING so they can keep a bloke, I often think that myself when they stand by and watch as their new boyfriend abuses or harms or even kills their children.

Amazing, I would never allow any person man or woman to harm me or my kids.

[ummmm]

Fear, easily manipulated, insecure, violent childhood, who knows...

It's not just women either. Men are on the end of domestic violence too...

[Hopkirk]

Looking at the picture of him, I suspect he has been using steroids, which might explain his anger and aggression.

[237SJ]

Some people are ground down by a partner to such an extent that they think they are worthless and they have absolutely no self esteem whatsover. I think this might be one of those situations. Still, maybe you can fit an answer on a postcard

[youngmafbog]

A combination of many things from low self esteem to insecurity and fear of being alone.

So sad.

[Canary42]

Thank you for your responses.

OK - sadly it's low self-esteem and they are ground down etc etc.

But why in these cases where there is enforced separation, can't (or don't) they seek help elsewhere during the hiatus.

Perhaps it's the increasing personal isolation which seems to be a spin-off of the explosive increase of electronic social media - but given the protective anonymity of the latter then seeking help should be easier. Is this perhaps a reason for increasing online availability to everyone ?

Of course, this event also gives strength to those who claim that the British Justice System gives too little attention to the victims - difficult to refute here.

[ummmm]

Abusive people find weaknesses. They use that weakness to grind you down. But then they also find a way to pick you back up. When you do that to someone over a period of time they start excusing the abuse as they crave more and more the pick me ups. Often they don't even realise they are being abused anymore.

[chelle7272]

Ummm has the best answers. I have been in a violent relationship, and after getting put worked within domestic abuse services. There is more to it than the 'I wouldn't put up with that' view, which I shared until I was there. He found me when he knew I was vulnerable, recently divorced, cheated on, with an 11 month old baby, and no family support. Not all violent men, but some, start with the psychological, you rely on them, they isolate you, they manoeuvre you, when you are vulnerable, into relying on them, because at first they treat you like a queen, or whatever your equivalent, by the time you realise how much they have cut you off from everyone and taken away any support you may have, they get violent. When with my ex and my son was 18 months old, I spent hours cleaning my own blood off the walls before my son woke. Not my proudest moment, but it was at the end of a long time of manipulation and slow isolation from anyone that could help. Please don't judge women that have been there as weak or stupid . I didn't think it could or would happen to me, thought I was strong. Hortible the gs can happen to anyone. Don't judge without listening.

[chelle7272]

*correction - horrible things I meant..

[ummmm]

How awful, Chelle :-(

I was in an abusive relationship and the abuse didn't start until I'd had my son. I was lucky though as there was no way in the world he could isolate me from my family so that fact really limited his manipulation.

[Canary42]

I have listened Chelie, and yes, I was wrong to label them as daft - so I withdraw that particular epithet.

But it was an eye-catching headline to bring this whole sorry situation to the fore - but how can we penetrate the isolation which you imply is an inevitable component for the victims ?

[sevenOP]

I am glad you have realised the shortsightedness of the 'daft'( in OP) assumption canary, as you seem to me, one of the more balanced posters on this forum... none of us is perfect, certainly not me.

" but how can we penetrate the isolation which you imply is an inevitable component for the victims ?" - that also is a simplistic, particular(single issue), attempt at resolving the larger, wider, complex, holistic, *overall*
human condition that many on this forum have labelled 'human nature':
not that I fault you for this as action to this sad story and the tragic truth that this can happen to anyone, as evidenced by posters to this thread.

Of course it can happen to men or women - only the specific circumstances will differ.

[ummmm]

It's extremely hard to escape an abuser. They get in your head.

Like the stories we read about women still being abused into adulthood by their childhood sexual abuser. How much manipulation must have gone on?

Abusers have a way of making their victims feel guilty.

[Elina]

All brawn & twisted brain. Well explained by some of the ladies who've suffered at the hands of these men.

[anotheoldgit]

There's an old saying, "Treat them mean, keep them keen".

There are even some women that become pen-friends with killers in jail.

But then it is not just women that cling to their husbands/partners when they have been treated appallingly, they are even prepared to take on their wife's/partner's child from an illicit affair, when they have been cheated on.

[Islay]

Treat them mean to keep them keen Is a bit different than knocking 7 shades out of someone!

Also these women that take on their husbands offspring sometimes have no choice in the matter.

You could do with a greater understanding in what it is to be human anotheroldgit

[Mosaic]

Some harrowing and very informative answers here....just to add, I believe notions of romantic love and familial duty are harmful when they are used by abusers to manipulate a vulnerable target.
In my experience women are especially keen to fit in and be seen as 'good', so accepting the idea of 'my man above all' equates to 'being a good wife'.
When the victim tries to end the abuse the first line of attack is often (as well as beating) to make out the victim as a bad person. A robust, independent person with good friends can overcome this easily but years of gradually escalating abuse removes self confidence and isolating the victim is part of the process.