Crosswords1 min ago
Spare The Rod And Spoil The Child?
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I was regularly beaten when I was little. When particularly naughty my feet were sometimes held to the fire.
That never done me any harm.
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It's true Naomi I don't think she had a loving bone in her body. I suppose a possible reason could be that my father, whom we both loved, left her for another woman when we were very young. He married the other woman and stayed with her for the rest of his life.
Perhaps whacking me and my bro made her feel better!
I have very vague memories of my parents losing it on several occasions. I *think* mum spanked my bottom once, and I also recall her pinching my arm in anger. I remember scrambling across the floor trying to get away from my dad, and he was getting his belt off. My elder brother protected me. I've no idea what I could have done to make dad that angry as I was generally a well behaved child.
When my own daughters' behaviour had me on the edge... I walked away. We humans aren't perfect, and we all have different levels of tolerance. It's a matter of learning how to handle our responses.
Government, and doctors, with well intentions could and would cause far more harm and disharmony to the family unit. Discipline is essential for a growing child. It gives them boundaries and a sense of security, and knowing when and what is tolerated, and safe, and appropriate to any many different circumstances are lessons humans and animals have to learn for their healthy development.
obviously I not advocating severe beating, just the odd tap, occasionally a restrained smack etc. I was beaten at school with the government's approval. Par for the course. Didn't think anything of it.
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If parent loses it and smacks a child, then the child understands that grown-ups can get cross and lash out; it's on their level, as they also act on emotional impulses.
If a parent premeditates a punishment and sends the child to bring the implement to be used at a certain time in a cold-blooded way, the child sees the parent as vindictive, cruel or righteous, and kids punished like that can grow up to be adults who behave in the same way.
Auntypoll - a 'firm 'no'' doesn't always work. I tried that with my toddler 2nd child who was very wilful (still is and has stood her in good stead). She was determined to put her fingers into the fascinating flames of the gas fire, no matter how often she was told - I even smacked her hand a few times when she got too near.
Eventually I sat and watched her put her baby hand into the flames ------- I whisked her off before she started screaming and plunged her hand into cold water, so no harm was done. But, honestly, some children simply will not be told.
One of my daughters has 2 daughters of her own.
If either of them was 'naughty' or looked like they were about to have a tantrum, she would take her daughter upstairs, sit her down and talk to her about her behaviour. In a very calm voice without shouting, she would talk to her about her behaviour and why it was wrong. They would end up having a hug and her daughter would say sorry. Those 2 girls are now 11 and 17 yrs old and not only are they both extremely well-behaved, they both love their mother to pieces.
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Atheist - //
If parent loses it and smacks a child, then the child understands that grown-ups can get cross and lash out; it's on their level, as they also act on emotional impulses.
If a parent premeditates a punishment and sends the child to bring the implement to be used at a certain time in a cold-blooded way, the child sees the parent as vindictive, cruel or righteous, and kids punished like that can grow up to be adults who behave in the same way. //
This is a classic example of assuming that children process the world in the same way adults do.
They don't.
Children do not have the sophisticated reasoning power to conclude that this behaviour is caused by that attitude, and they will then add that conclusion to their thought process.
That's simply not how small children think.
They respond in the moment, and hopefully learn the lesson, that will reduce or eliminate the bad behaviour in the future.
With my children, they knew I would never threaten any sanction that I would not carry through, whatever that might be, and it was almost never a threat of a smack.
And the threat of the saction was enough to halt the bad behaviour without the sanction being carried out,, which is what any discipline structure should be about - corrected behaviour with a warning only.
I was rarely smacked by my parents, although I won't say never. There was a greater risk of smacking and corporal punishment at school, plus other things. A teacher in our school once threw a board duster at one lad, which hit him in the eye that he'd just had a major operation on.
I was told by one teacher to line up in the corridor on the left of the door, which I did along with 2 other classmates. Everyone else lined up on the "wrong side" but the head just happened to come along and asked what us three were doing. When we tried to explain he whacked us accross the head and I banged my head on the wall, ending up with a large bruise. When I explained to my parents what had happened, they said I must have deserved it! Hey ho!
I was beaten every which way as a child - by parents, by older siblings, by school teachers and by bullies in my class.
Yes, it harmed me. It harmed my relationship with my parents, siblings, and friends, and it continues to affect me even now in my old age.
My feet were never held to the fire, though. I don't know how I would have coped with that.
