Cracker Jokes

[EcclesCake]

I need to collect some cracker jokes, preferably clean and if food related all the better.

TIA

[Buenchico]

Have you tried the obvious places?
http://www.whychristm...n/cracker_jokes.shtml

http://www.guardian.c...er-jokes-serafinowicz

http://www.thevoiceof...stmasCrackerJokes.htm

http://www.telegraph....acker-jokes-ever.html

http://www.woodlands-...stoms/Xmas/jokes.html

http://www.dailymail....PC-brigade-happy.html

http://www.thebabyweb...mas_Cracker_Jokes.htm

http://www.dailyrecor...laugh-86908-20989177/

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2601789.stm

http://www.mkccc.com/humour/xmas.htm

http://www.bjentertai.../dan/xmas%20jokes.htm

Chris

[DTCwordfan]

Christmas Drink

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre ......
So the barman gives her one.


Christmas Pudding Charms

Silver Christmas charms bring you good fortune.
Packaging Notice: Potential choking hazard: do not use with food.



How Was Your Christmas Meal?

We had grandma for Christmas dinner.
Really?

We had turkey.



(asnd my fav)
Christmas Joke Pizza

Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him:-
'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'

[EcclesCake]

I was kind of hoping to get some original jokes rather than the hackneyed offerings on the websites. Admittedly my web search was brought to an abrupt halt due to excessive groaning.....

[EcclesCake]

Having said that I can't see a way of avoiding the Good King Wenceslas/pizza joke!

[DTCwordfan]

Political one

The Greeks are going to have a miserable Christmas. They have had to stop Taramasalata and Hoummus production.

They want to avoid a double-dip recession.

[owdhamer]

im not saying my wife has a big bum, but when she turns over in bed she burns it oh the light bulb

[EcclesCake]

.....EcclesCake scurries away to check there are no Greeks invited to Christmas party....

[DTCwordfan]

what about Italians then?

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don Belusconi of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Silvio wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Gabriella, Yo Sophie,
Yo Assunta, Yo Carmela,
Ay Isabella, Ay Jolanda,
Ay Loretta, Ay Sienna!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da heck you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Donna Berlusconi?
Now all you're gettin' is la lingerie,
You friggin' macaroni!"

Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Donna' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respecti!

Cos I'm the Santa Berlusconi

[joggerjayne]

What's orange, and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

[carrust]

What's black & white & eats like a horse?

A zebra.

[joggerjayne]

Why don't polar bears eat penguins?

Because they can't get the wrappers off.

[EcclesCake]

DT - very good but I'm really going to have to go some to cram all of that on to a tiny slip of paper.

JJ - right on track, keep 'em coming!

[DTCwordfan]

homemade crackers with one verse in each cracker....going around the table.

[Frank97]

How do you get two whales in a mini?



Across the Severn Bridge

[EcclesCake]

Way too organised for this mob DT. Nice idea though.

[cupid04]

Father christmas went to the doctors and said ''I have a mince pie stuck up
my bum''. To which the doctor replied, ''I'll give you some cream for that.''

[DTCwordfan]

What do you call a man with mince pies stuck in his ears?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.

[DTCwordfan]

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

[DTCwordfan]

Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission