Are Scotsmen tight with money?
The Salvation Army realised that it had never received a donation from the Glasgow's most successful lawyer. So a Salvation Army volunteer made an appointment to see the lawyer in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over three million pounds, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the Salvation Army?"
The lawyer thought for a moment and said, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge care bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the Salvation Army volunteer mumbled, "Uh... No, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled Afghanistan Veteran, is blind, confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"
The stricken volunteer began to stammer an apology, but was cut off again.
"Thirdly, "the lawyer said, "did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and the burden of supporting three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors and specialist nurses?"
Completely beaten, the humiliated Salvation Army volunteer said, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
And then the lawyer said, "So Jimmy, if I don't give any cash to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"
;-)