punnish: the language punsters use or what they do to their audience

[chrisrob]

11. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

12. This woman ordered an exotic snake through a mail order operation. When the package arrived, there were only feathery necklaces in the box.
Apparently, the boa cons tricked her.

13. An official stopped me in the hospital car park to tell me "You can't park here. It's badge holders only."
"But I have got a bad shoulder!" I replied.

14. At breakfast time I am so hungry I could murder a bowl of cornflakes. Does that make me a cereal killer?

15. I told my girlfriend I had a job at the bowling alley.
"What, tenpin?" "No. permanent!"

16. When the jockey saw the groom sprinkling something behind his horse's neck, he asked, "What's that?"
"Yeast," he replied, "to stop birds building nests in your horse's mane."
"How does that work?" the jockey asked.
“Well, yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet." said the groom.

18. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns.

19. “It's raining cats and dogs outside.”
“ I know. I almost stepped in a poodle.”

20. How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from a duck.

[maggiebee]

The environmentalist rode his bike 20 miles in the morning and 20 more in the evening. He loved recycling.

My wife tells me I'm a skeptic - but I don't believe a word she says.

I was upset with my wall climbing abilities, I just couldn't seem to get a grip.

[marval]

Ringo became a gentleman farmer, but was having no success. His neighbour's animals were all strong and healthy, so he went and asked him the secret to his success.

'well, for chickens, you wanna plant some corn.' The farmer said.
'Right, a field of corn for chickens.' Ringo replied.

'And for horses, you wanna plant some corn.' The farmer said.
'Right, a field of corn for horses.' Ringo replied.

'And for cows, you wanna...'
'I know, I know,' Rigno butts in, 'I want a field of corn.'

'No,' replied the farmer, 'everyone knows it strawberry fields for heifers.'