punnish: the language punsters use or what they do to their audience

[chrisrob]

11. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

12. This woman ordered an exotic snake through a mail order operation. When the package arrived, there were only feathery necklaces in the box.
Apparently, the boa cons tricked her.

13. An official stopped me in the hospital car park to tell me "You can't park here. It's badge holders only."
"But I have got a bad shoulder!" I replied.

14. At breakfast time I am so hungry I could murder a bowl of cornflakes. Does that make me a cereal killer?

15. I told my girlfriend I had a job at the bowling alley.
"What, tenpin?" "No. permanent!"

16. When the jockey saw the groom sprinkling something behind his horse's neck, he asked, "What's that?"
"Yeast," he replied, "to stop birds building nests in your horse's mane."
"How does that work?" the jockey asked.
“Well, yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet." said the groom.

18. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns.

19. “It's raining cats and dogs outside.”
“ I know. I almost stepped in a poodle.”

20. How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't, you get down from a duck.

[marval]

lol

[emmie]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.

This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

[emmie]

one of my favourites

. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood
and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton
fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became
known as the lesser of two weevils.

[chrisrob]

Em, you've been looking at the list I'm posting tomorrow!

[emmie]

no honest, it's just a couple that someone sent me a while back.

[albaqwerty]

I was quite happy lolling until I read Em's, now I'm in pain groaning and my face is sore :-)

Very good. Very good indeed.

[emmie]

one for naomi... and me of course...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

[albaqwerty]

Stopppittt pleeeese :)

[emmie]

alba, there are loads out there, some i have on file, sad eh...

[albaqwerty]

There's a long one about Basques going to a hotel in Madrid. They had never seen a revolving door before and couldn't work out that they were supposed to enter one at a time.

Moral is don't put all your Basques in one Exit.

[emmie]

alba, very good

not a pun, but funny..

A newly-wed couple didn't know the difference between putty and Vaseline.

A week later all their windows fell out......but that was the least of their worries.

[albaqwerty]

Em I like it. (Probably more than the couple tho :-) )

[marval]

Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

[maggiebee]

Hah, these are brilliant, I just love puns. Must pass them on.

[emmie]

When the bad poet stood in front of the judge, the judge thought the punishment should fit the rhyme.

[marval]

My friend is moving to Seoul. He thought it would be a good Korea move.

[emmie]

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

[marval]

I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.

[emmie]

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

[marval]

I went out for a run this morning and tripped over, I could have been wearing the wrong size shoes, I haven't seen the footage yet.