An Oldie

maggiebee | 08:46 Wed 10th Apr 2013 | Jokes

3 Answers

Bagpiper at a Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked
by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless
man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar
with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently
gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the
diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the
side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in
place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started
to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.

I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept,
I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes
and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

"I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in
septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost... It's a man thing.

The Mechanic And The Cardiac Surgeon

Mrs. Thatcher Joke

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Hopkirk

I went past the cemetery on the way to work yesterday, and there were four men carrying a coffin round.

On my way home I saw they were still there, carrying the same coffin all round the graveyard.

I think they have lost the plot.